This Is Me Warts And All

Plans

Tuesday

Work today was hard I was given my cases to work on and one of my clients bought her child into reception and they were clearly both in need of a wash. I couldn't help but noticed the child was undernourished. I had some fruits in my bag and a sandwich I gave them to the child while I spoke to his mother. I made sure he ate the food in front of me. There had been numerous complains of neglect in regards to the three year old.

If it was up to me he wouldn't go home with her but procedures needed to be followed. This was the woman's third time coming in after a complaint against her because she hasn't changed her ways. I'm going to be that little boys advocate from now on.

Alex and I had a dinner date in the pub, it's weird couple months ago. I kept thinking people will be talking about me and Alex cheating on Amy constantly. So much as gone on in the village since then and with the Stammers gone no one gives a damn about an affair anymore. People talk to the two of us like we've always been in a relationship and they have no problem with it.

Wednesday

The Crown Prosecution is taking my case forward which means finding Nora is of the outmost importance.  The private investigator is still searching for her. There is a good chance the newspapers will get a hold of the story when the case comes to trial and run with it.  So everyone will know what happened to me. I decided to tell my manager and his manager about the case. I'm sure the papers will find out where I work.

My manager Daniel was very symptomatic about my situation, it turns out he grew up in different care homes and understood the need to get justice. Our shared childhood memories took us into jobs were we could both help the next generation. I was worried for a moment there I would be fired. I don't need the money and I'm glad I wasn't.

I had a counselling session today after work and even though I've been coming for months now I know I still need it. Alex has been very stress with work I'll be glad when he starts a different rotation and can stop working in A&E for a while. He's had to deal with a run of overdoses lately and not everyone made it out alive. I know he has been thinking back to me and what I did and how he almost lost me. This weekend he isn't working and I've booked us a nice hotel just outside of Suffolk as a surprise. His sister helped me plan everything.

Friday

I saw Elliot today he was with Linda it amazes me how friendly she is and how indifferent he is. He acts like he doesn't know me he doesn't speak to me or acknowledges me. I make a note to ask Alex if we can have dinner with her sometime. I finish my run and go inside the house and take a shower. I'm still in the shower when the bathroom door is opened and Alex walks in. I ask him if he wanted to join me and he did one thing led to another and we had sex. Here's the thing I'm okay with it I thought I would feel dirty or remember him but I didn't. I just had a good time with my husband.

The trial isn't here yet so maybe that's why I'm okay with sex for now we'll see. The hotel I took Alex to was five stars they couldn't do enough to make our stay more comfortable.

Sunday

We spent most of the weekend in bed I didn't realise how much we needed time alone together with no distractions. We just concentrated on us for the weekend it was wonderful. Alex and I decided since we have loads of money now to make this a once a month thing.

We had dinner at the restaurant in the hotel and I made sure they got fresh lobsters for a pasta dish that Alex liked. They didn't normally serve lobsters or the pasta bake we ate. But Jamie requested the dish letting them know it was for her baby brother. The hotel knowing who Jamie was and the money attached to her did as she ask. I guess sometimes it's good to know the right people.

December 15

Alex and I moved back to our house today it looks amazing, the kitchen was now state of the art with quartz worktops and a big Wolf fridge/freezers and a eight burner gas stove. A utility room lead off it housing both a large washing machine and dryer.

Alex and I didn't have kids yet but we both wanted them hence the large capacity machines. We now have eight bedrooms and nine bathrooms. There was a study for me and one for Alex and three living rooms, a dining room and a bonus room plus basement rooms. It seems like a lot diary but Alex and I decided the changes with the knowledge this will be our forever home and we want three kids in the future.

December 17

Alex wants us to try for kids I mention the idea of getting a surrogate. Then I became fraid that a surrogate will decide to have nothing to do with us once the truth about my dad is known. What if they think I'm like my dad and will harm the child. Alex tells me we can't not think like that because some people many genuinely think like that and to pretend otherwise will be foolish.

We decided to go for it and tell the family, "With everything going on love. Is now the right time", my mother ask me.

I look at her, "Life goes on mum Alex and I have been together for four years. This isn't a new relationship we always wanted kids this isn't coming out of nowhere. We're waiting on a trial date for Steve I allowed him to control so many aspect of my life in my past. I'll not allow him in this round about way to control my present and my future".

"I had to ask love you understand that right?"

I squeezed her hand, "I know and there is still a way to go before the kids come. I need to try to get pregnant naturally then have tests done if it doesn't happen. If it turns out I'm infertile then we have to find an surrogate agency. Then get accepted by them, interview the surrogate and decide if we like each other. Then it's a wait to see if she falls pregnant and have the baby it's a long process mum. I'm looking forward to being a mother", mum looks at Alex when I say that and they exchanged a look.

December 18

All our family is excited for us to start our journey to becoming parents except for Elliot. He came up to me and Alex while we were having dinner in the pub and went off on a tirade. He said how wrong it was for us to bring up a child and how it would be viewed. His views are very backwards diary he implied the child would be fiddled with. I had to hold Alex back from hitting his dad but my uncle Fred knocked him out with one punch.

The fact Elliot knows about Steve and said that is extremely hurtful but what can you expect from someone like him. People were appalled by his behaviour Linda was embarrassed and kept apologising to us.

December 19

We've found Nora and my sister Becca, it turns out Nora's a solicitor of all things it would seem being away from Steve has done her good. They live in london with Nora's new husband Liam and their two children from her new marriage. The trial starts January 2nd I was given a number for her and spoke to her and explains what's going on.

At first she wanted nothing to do with me but I reminded her there's a chance. Even thought no one is supposed to report on the case till it's over. Things may get leaked and how will she explain things to Becca my little sister. When she finds out from the newspaper what her dad is like.

Nora and Becca are coming up to Suffolk the day after tomorrow. It's so Nora have time to get back home before Christmas Day.

I haven't seen my sister in a very long time in fact she was in single digits when I last saw her. I asked her for a picture so I knew what she looked like now. It's hard realising you could walk by your own sibling and not know it's them. I'm trying to make a list of questions to ask Nora but I think I'll wing it instead. I know Steve yelled at her at times but why did she leave Steve was it his temper or something else?"

Nora and Becca is staying at the B&B in town and not at our home. They're it sounds horrible to say diary strangers to me and Alex right now.