Save Me

Ashamed

alright, my lovelies. i hope you like this chapter and it explains what's going on and defines why Cella is the way she is. it took me the entire day to write this one out and during the process, yet again, i cried. i think i get way to into the writing sometimes and thats a bit scary.

Love Shay

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(Re-cap)

She looked angrier than I had ever seen her, yet on the verge of tears at the same time. "Kyle, time for bed." Kyle said goodnight to everyone before running off to his room. "I'll explain what I can AFTER I tuck my son in for the night." She left without another word.

(End Re-cap)

Maricella’s POV

I had taken more time than needed to put Kyle to bed. What happened in the past was now going to collide with the present and change the future and I was terrified.

I slowly made my way down the hall to find everyone in the living room. Amy and Ty were in the loveseat, Paul, Steve, Charlie on the couch, and James in my polka dot chair. I sat on the floor in front of the TV, hugging my knees to my chest to hold myself together. There was dead silence.

“What do you want to know?” I whispered.

James spoke first, though just about everyone looked like they wanted to say something. “Why don’t you begin by telling us who Kyle’s father is, since you told me I wasn’t and the likeness between us is extraordinary.”

“Of course you have to ask that one,” I sighed. I looked at each person before I continued. “I’m taking it all of you assumed James is Kyle’s father, though some of you didn’t know him at the time.” Everyone nodded. “Well, he could be Kyle’s father. But James’ dad could also be Kyle’s father.”

The room was no longer quiet. James, Charlie, Paul and Steve were all yelling while Amy moved over to where I was with my hands over my ears to comfort me as the first tears made their way down my cheeks.

“Hey, SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS!” Ty hollered over everyone, “Let Cella explain before you start anything.”

Everyone sat back down, though Amy stayed beside me. I hugged my legs tighter to me as I continued, “About five years ago I was…gang raped by our dad,” I said to Charlie, “and a couple other men, including your dad, James.” I couldn’t look at anyone; I just stared at the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Charlie asked.

“I didn’t tell anyone, Charlie. You knew me, I prided myself on the fact that I could take care of myself, and fend off all those jack-butts from school.” I was shaking slightly, barely able to see through the tears. “

“I was…so ashamed that I had let them do that to me.” I closed my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that were flooding out of them. “He came in stoned and drunk and told me, ’You’ve grown up into a beautiful woman. You look like your mother did when she was your age.’ I should have realized then that something bad was going to happen.”

Amy hugged me and tried to soothe me, but it didn’t help. “Then more men came in and dad asked me, ‘Ready for your graduation gift, darling?’ He told me how they were going to help me by taking away my virginity. What they didn’t know was I wasn’t a virgin.” I glanced at James.

“When they found out, they beat me to the point where I nearly passed out from the pain. I wanted to fade into the blackness where I couldn’t feel anything, but they wouldn’t let me.”

“They finally stopped just after midnight, and left me in a huddle on the floor of my room.” I looked at James then, “That’s why I sent that text telling you we were over. I couldn’t deal with it. I wore tons of make-up and long sleeves to hide the bruises. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Everything had changed and I wasn’t that strong willed girl anymore.

“A week or so later, I found out I was pregnant with Kyle. It worried me throughout the entire pregnancy that you weren’t the father. I had planned on getting a DNA test after he was born, then I saw his innocent face and I couldn’t do it. If you weren’t the father I was sure I would treat him differently than if you were the father. From then on I let people assume who they thought was the father, though I only described you when Kyle asked me what his father was like.”

My eyes only let out the occasional tear now, “I didn’t expect you to come back. Not after what I did.”

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Whacha think? express below

~ Shay