Kenna was alone when she woke up the next morning, and it didn't surprise her. She had been alone a lot in her life to know there were many types of loneliness. There was the loneliness she felt when she was surrounded by other women, who were nice enough, but constantly whispered behind her back. Then there was the loneliness she felt when she was Henry; the gaping void that they were once something more…that she was something more…the next Diane…the next girl in diamonds and jewels...Then there was the bottomless loneliness she felt now. It was like running through a crowded castle, screaming for help but no one can you hear.
Sighing, Kenna got out of bed. She was going to make herself beautiful, put on a brave face for the rest of the castle…for what else could she do?
She sat down at Bash's table in front of his shaving mirror. She hardly recognized her reflection. Her swollen eyes were rimmed with sleep, her cheeks pale, and the fire which was once in her eyes had dimmed down. She reached for a makeup brush just as Bash walked in. They didn't greet each other.
"You're shaving mirror is useless," said Kenna. Her words came out cold which was not what she intended.
"You'll have your dressing table and mirror brought in," said Bash automatically.
"And where would they go?" snapped Kenna, looking around the shabby room sarcastically. "I don't understand why I couldn't stay in my old chambers."
"Because you're married."
Married. The words tasted like poison in his mouth and Kenna recognized the spite in his voice.
"Yes, I know. King's bastard no less and I asked for a man of title."
"And the King gave me one."
"Ha!" Fists clenched around her make up brush, Kenna, for once, felt downright vicious. "The Master of Horse and Hunt?" she scorned. "That's something Henry made up. It comes with no wealth…no land…"
Kenna opened her mouth to say something again but Bash cut her off before she got the chance.
"You act as if this was my fault," he retorted, "I'm no happy about it than you."
"You?" she said, raising a cynical eyebrow. "What do you have to complain about?" Kenna turned back to the face the mirror. The fire in her eyes had returned. She smiled slightly as she continued speaking, "You're now married to a beautiful woman of noble birth –"
"Who's notorious for sleeping with my father," exclaimed Bash. "I see no awkwardness there."
She felt like he had slapped her with his words. Kenna tried not to flinch but didn't quite manage it. Feigning nonchalance, she dipped her brush in the powder and said, "Yes, well, it's all in the past."
"Is it?" said bash. "We both know Henry – we both know he enjoys the privileges of kingship and you enjoy the privileges of whatever a relationship with my father can get you."
Kenna spun around in her chair and glared at him. "You make it sound like I'm the most self-centred woman in France!"
"I can't say that. I haven't met all the women in France."
"Fine!" Kenna slammed her brush on the table. "All I care about is me and all you care about is Mary." She saw shock register across Bash's face. "I'm not jealous," she continued. "Truly. But a love like that could destroy both our lives."
Feeling like she had made her point, Kenna walked away and picked up a ribbon to tie around her dress.
"She's married," she heard Bash say; "it's in the past."
Kenna turned and glared at him, her eyebrows arched as if saying, Is it? Bash must have got the message because he said hastily, "Alright I see your point. We both need to keep our pasts in the past."
Kenna suddenly felt him standing behind her. She could feel his body heat. His eyes on her back. It made her nervous and she fumbled with the ribbon she was supposed to be tying, when suddenly she felt his callous hands take the ribbon from her gentle ones. Kenna froze, unsure of what to do. She felt the ribbon begin to tighten and then heard his voice, "This is our life now Kenna. It's not what we chose but we're married before King and God, til the death. I won't pretend I love you but we should probably start liking each other." Bash paused and then said, "Is that too tight?"
"Sorry, what?"
"The ribbon. Is it too tight?"
"No, it's fine. Thank you."
She turned around and looked up at him. "I can try and make this work," she said.
"And that means no more sleeping with the King," said Bash sternly.
"I don't want to sleep with the King," cried Kenna, aghast.
"Swear it."
"I swear."
Bash held out his hand. "Shall we put on brave faces and break fast with the rest of the world?"
"Yes. Let's do it."
Kenna pushed back her shoulders and plastered her arms elegantly to the side. Bash watched transfixed as Kenna willed her posture so it almost looked like she was transforming before his eyes, as if Cinderella's fairy godmother had blessed Kenna too.
"Bash?"
"Yes?"
"Do I look like myself?" asked Kenna timidly. She felt like her eyes were still raw and red from crying.
Bash's brow furrowed in confusion. "You look like you always do."
"Like a lady?" said Kenna, standing tall and holding her chin high. Bash thought she almost looked untouchable.
"Yes," he said, "like a lady."
Kenna smiled graciously and took his arm. "Let's do this. Let's put on brave faces, so that Henry knows he can't break me, and Mary knows that you're okay too."
Bash led her to the door. "At least that's one thing you and I have in common," he said, "We're both actors in this meddlesome court."
He opened the door and ushered her out.
Around Kenna, other married couples were coming out from their chambers for breakfast too. They were smiling and laughing, it seemed their conversations greatly differed from the one between Bash and her.
"Brave face, Kenna," Bash whispered in her ear. His hot breath filtered down her neck. "Are you ready?"
"I've always been ready."
Kenna exhaled a shuddering breath. She smiled, even though her knuckles were turning white around Bash's arm. She smiled through it all, as they descended into the hall. She listened to the melody of Bash's uneven breathing, the clonk of her own heels against the polished timber, and if hearts could break, she swore hers was breaking just that little bit more.
