Suraya

7

ZAYYAD

     After I drop her off, I head to the cafe a few blocks away from my home.
     I order some tea and grab the magazine on the table and flip through it.
     My mind isn't on what the magazine offers, it's some where far from there, I just don't know where exactly.
     As I sip out of my fruity tea, I think about some certain things in life. I don't want to raise her up in my own yet I do.
    I've always thought about how single parents manage it and now I know. It's not way at all.
     I've done everything to get to know what happens before she punches or pushes anyone.
     I've even thought of asking Zainab or Anisa for help, but they were no use. She wouldn't budge. She would stay mute. Which is quite frustrating.
     'She wouldn't even tell me goodbye' I whispered to myself in disbelief.
     This time around she must have been really sad or angry at me. And I know we can't continue like this. 
     I would end up doing the same thing again and she will end up not wanting me. Zainab was already exhausted when we arrived but she still too the extra load.
   When Ummul Khulthum said she wanted to go to Zainab's, I didn't think she meant stay over. But she did.
     When we entered her room she picked up her duffel bag and stuffed her clothes, toiletries and somethings she likes a lot.
    I didn't ask her what day she'll be back but I know it won't be more than three days. She never spends up to a week even if I was the one who put her there.
    I sighed and drank more tea glancing through the room. It was a beautiful cafe, it's theme was more one of a kind.
     I liked the colors they used also, giving a nice vibe to it. Most of the furniture were white, the rest were black and rose gold.
     A familiar perfume hit my nostrils and I glanced up, Suraya and her brother had come into the cafe.
      I liked Suhail and Muhibah's family, it small and nice. Both of their children are a mystery mostly Ahmad but still.
     I liked the vibe they gave too. Very nice and welcoming family, I wish I can have that. I wish.
     'Assalam mu Alykum' their voices said in unison and I looked up at them smiling.
     'Amin waAlaykum mus Salam. How are you guys doing?' I ask standing up to shake Suhail's hand.
     'Oh it's all good Alhamdulilah. Mind if we join you? You looked like a loner, no offence, so we decided to join ya' he said
     'Good good, no offence taken either, I am at the moment. And yes please do, sit down' I say ushering them to sit down.
       'Thank you very much, so where is Ummul Khulthum?' Suraya asks
      'We got into a fight and now she's at her aunts, she's staying over but I don't know how many nights cause she packed her bags' I explain
    'That most be awfully hard for you since you guys are the only ones at home' Suraya says
     'What about her mother?' Suhail asks clearly not knowing what the history behind it is.
     'She's dead, five years ago she died giving birth to Ummul Khulthum' I told them
     'Oh, Sorry we didn't know about that. May her soul rest in peace' Suhail said.
     'May her soul rest in peace too, Insha Allah you guys would meet in Jannah-tul- Firdaus' Suraya says.
    'Ameen Ameen Thank you guys for the prayers. But less talk about my late wife, what's up in your lives?' I say trying to brighten the mood
     'Well, Imran's at his grandparents and Ahmad is with his mother, they've gone for shopping and I am here with you and my sister talking about whatever comes next' he says with a wide grin
      'Well I'm going home now cause sky's looking for someone that would escort her to the dress shop. She doesn't want to go alone with her mom' Suraya says picking her coffee and her purse
     'See you later' Suhail says 'Wait you'll get a ride will you? I can't come and drive you home, you know'
     'Yes I know, I've ordered a Uber already. Ma'aslam!'
     'Bis-Salam!' Me and Suhail say as she leaves.
'I don't want to go deep into your matter but, how do you do it? Single parenting?' Suhail asks
    'There's no big deal in asking me questions. It's not bad if you get a hang of it. But I wouldn't say it's easy too' pausing to take a sip from my tea which was getting cold.
'At first I had to hire a nanny to help do the work whenever my sisters, mother or mother in law wasn't around, but after the third year, I didn't need them again. Other than the cook that comes weekdays' I shrug
     'Wow man, that's tough. I can't imagine life without Muhibah cause Ahmad is one tough nut to crack. Imran is easy to handle but Ahmad? Only God knows what goes on in his mind' he said shaking his head.
    'Ummul Khulthum isn't an open book but she is easy but hard. You can tell if she doesn't like something or someone cause she would show emotion. She would give you the cold shoulder too, it's very frustrating cause if you do something to her, she completely forgets you. Acts like you don't exist. But she comes around when she's ready' I tell him.
     'At least she shows emotion' I look at him confused on who he is talking about 'Ahmad, he is always head in books, he rarely talks to us and if he does it's because he has finished his book and needs another one. It's his mom that makes him open up on the dining table sometimes' he said.
     silence evaded us at that moment. I stared at the cars outside thibking if nothing And everything.
     'But do you ever think gettng a new wife? to you know help you reduce stress and all when the family isnt around?' He says his voice barely coming out of his mouth.
     I nod 'yes I do, a lot recently, my moms been throwing some women she thinks are good at me I might be interested in but none of them have the interest in taking care of my daughter, and that's the point I am aiming for. I know I can't fall in love again even if it would never be compared to my love for Ameena' he raises an eyebrow 'my late wife'
     He nods his head signalling me to continue which I do.
      'I just want someone, a female parent for her to finally call mom cause no matter how many times my sisters tell her it's okay to call them mom or Amma, she never does. And I think it's affecting both of us' I sighed
     'I understand your pain, Suraya has a bunch of amazing friends that would love to be your wife and most importantly Ummul Khulthum's mother, problem their in Jordan' he also sighs 
     'Question, where are you guys exactly? Your accents are quite different from the black community of America' I say in the matter of fact way.
     'We aren't originally from America, my dad moved here when he was young around his early twenties from Sudan, Africa. For some reason we still don't know. My mom is from Jordan, they met two years after my dad arrived here. She was here for college.
They got married shortly after. That's why we both have different accents' he says with a smile.
'What about you? Where are you from?'
     'I'm originally from America, born and bred her too. My moms from California, my dad's also from there but their jobs made them move to San Francisco' I say proud to be who I am.
    'That's nice, well gotta go it's almost time for ASR prayer and I also need to pick up Ahmad from sports practice. Take care bro, Ma'aslam' he says shaking my hand.
    'Thank you. Bis-Salam' with that we part ways.
    I head home to pray and change for work, cause it's almost time for work.

*****

    I collapsed on my bed after I showered. I got back from work about thirty minutes ago and decided to have a shower before I go to sleep.
     It's ten o'clock and I have nothing to do. I just can't seem to get anything in my head, and that's when I decide on reading the Quran.
     I settle on Sura-Tur Rahman. As I read, I calm down and remember all those memories I have of Ameena.
    She was an amazing woman. We made a routine of reading together every morning and every night, just before we sleep.
     Ever since she left. It's still a routine but not as fun as it used to be. I miss her a lot and I can't do anything about that.
      When I'm halfway through the sura when my phone chimes, I should have put it on silent mood.
     I finish the Sura first before checking out what it is. I return the Quran to my shelf and climb the bed.
     It was from Zainab. She sent pictures of them together enjoying themselves in the arcade.
    I smiled knowing that Ummul Khulthum loved the arcade games. She was smiling and laughing in all of the pictures.
    Then there was the last picture where she was with Suraya. Suraya was tickling Ummul Khulthum, they looked happy, joyous but they looked like a mother and daughter.
    I decided to call her and check up on them, cause I know they would be awake cause it's not a school night.
     'Assalam mu Alykum, what do you want brother?' Zainab asked when she picked up.
     'Wa Alykum mus Salam sister. I just called to check up on my little daughter. Is she there?' I ask
    'Yeah just hold on. Ummu!' I hear her shout 'Yeah!' 'Your dad's on the phone!' 'Oh I'm coming!' 'Be quick!.... here' she said
    'Hi!!!' Ummul Khulthum said clearly in a very happy mood.
    'How you doing? Are you guys back at home or are you guys still at the arcade? Did you win any toys?' I asked wanting to know everything.
    'I'm fine thank you. How are you? And yes we are back home. I didn't win a toy but Aunt Suraya won a panda for me! Did you know she was with us?' She said breathless
    'Hmm? A panda? How big is it? No I didn't know she was going there. Did you guys enjoy it there?'
    'Uhummm we did enjoy it. The pandas the same size as the blue bear at home. And Abba?! We eating mac and cheese for dinner' she whispered the last part as if it was a secret.
     I laughed at her 'Mac and cheese huh? What else? So you aren't missing are you?'
     'Nope I ain't missing you. But I do wish you were here but I'm not missing you. Cause I've spent all my life with you, but are you missing me?' She says her voice going up
     'I am missing you cupcake. I'm tired and exhausted. I need a massage just like the one you give. Hmm? But you know no ones here with me, so I'll have to endure the pain' I say
    'Oh no! Sorry Abba. Don't worry when I come home on Monday I'll give you a massage you'll never forget. Is that okay with you?' She says
    'I need my phone Zayyad! But don't worry darling you can use it to play some games. But Zayyad!' I heard Zainab's voice say.
    'Tell your aunt not to disturb us cupcake. And no problem, I'll still be here when you come back home, Insha Allah' I tell her
     'Auntie Zainab? Abba says you should disturb us! Hehe' she giggles 'see you on Monday Abba, Bye'
      'Bye cupcake. See you on Monday, but talk to you tomorrow Okay? Bye' I chuckle at her
       'Yeah tomorrow don't forget to call me. Bye! Here's auntie' she farewells
        'Good night brother. MaSalam' Zainab says
      'Bissalam sister. Greet Nasir for me' I say hanging up the phone call.

I sigh and lay down on the bed. I think of everything's that's nothing and nothing that's everything until I fall asleep.

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