running on empty

6 // Drive.

Cold air blew into his face, whipping his hair around to frame his head like a deformed halo. Soft amber light fell on him from the streetlights, and Ethan humorlessly imagined that he looked like a deranged angel.

The last thing he felt right then was angelic.

His footfalls echoed loudly in the quiet street, and he internally cringed at the thought of disturbing someone in their home. It was nearly midnight, and Ethan had been running for an hour, just circling the neighborhood. Somebody was bound to have seen or heard him by now.

Finally he let out a broken gasp, tripping over himself and falling into the lawn of the house next to him. His knees stung from where they had scraped against the sidewalk, though the sharp pain distracted him from the burning in his stomach and lungs. "Ow..."

The cold air stung his nose and mouth as he fought to regain his breath, only adding to the discomfort currently plaguing him. He felt like he was going to black out at any second - gasping for breath in a strange neighborhood with a fuzzy and spotted vision of the sky.

There were never any stars out.

The dewy grass felt nice against his palms and he grasped at it, desperate to have something to hold onto. His head felt floaty, though not in a good way. Ethan needed to get out of there. After a minute he sat up, careful of his head and the way he was getting increasingly woozy. Judging by the way his vision clouded with spots and dark red around the edges, he wasn't going to make it home any time soon on his own.

But... calling somebody would be annoying. They would need to get up just for him, and drive all the way to a neighborhood they didn't even know in the middle of the night!

A cold gush of air blew past him again. He shivered violently, not reacting well with the night time chill. It was slightly concerning - he had never been particularly cold before and now he was shivering in sixty degree weather. Sighing, he pushed it off for later and focused on swiping through his contacts.

After a few minutes, he finally had it narrowed down to two people. Mika or Mark. Mika was the only person he knew who would be close by at this hour, but... that would be an extremely awkward ride home, even if they had broken up on good terms.

Mark... Usually wasn't awake at this hour, but Ethan remembered him saying he was going to be working late that night on something. Plus, they had a history of picking the other up at random hours - especially now that they were filming Unus Annus.

Still, he was probably busy. And Ethan knew that Mark was starting to catch on that there was something wrong. Well, not wrong - but different. Nothing was wrong and he was sure of it.

Even if sitting on a stranger's lawn and shivering when it was otherwise warm out wasn't exactly normal.

Nevertheless, he was cold and tired, and wanted to be in his soft, warm bed. He wasn't trying to think rationally at the moment - he was trying to go to sleep. So, he dialed Mark's number, biting his lip as the dial tone played.

A few moments later, Mark picked up. His words were groggy with exhaustion, but Ethan didn't notice. "Eth? It's one, dude. What do you need?"

"I, uh..." He chuckled nervously and bit at his thumbnail. Mark was going to be annoyed, and Ethan didn't have the energy to deal with that. He didn't have the energy to walk home, though, and he figured one of those things was more important. "I need your help. I'm stuck in a neighborhood I don't know and... I'm kinda too tired to walk home?"

"You - what - You're in a neighborhood you don't know? How did you even get there? And why are you too tired to walk home? Wait, why do you need me?"

Slightly overwhelmed with all the questions, Ethan took a deep breath to calm down before answering. "I was running and then I got distracted - haha, silly Eef, right? - and now I'm lost and exhausted and I really want to go home Mark so please. Please just pick me up."

"I..." Mark sighed heavily, and Ethan heard something rustling in the background in the long pause that followed. He was beginning to think that the older man had hung up on him, which he was half-expecting. It would be awful for him, but it made sense. Fortunately, Mark spoke again. "Fine. But you better answer my questions when I get there. And buy me a large pizza or something."

"Yes, yeah, of course! Thank you so much. I'll buy you, like, three pizzas." The line clicked dead, and Ethan was left alone again.

Why had he come out here? He could've run around like a lunatic in his own neighborhood - distracted his own neighbors and passed out in his own lawn.

Then again, maybe that was the exact reason he went to somewhere he had never heard of before. If he stayed near his house and passed out, people would know him. They would know who he was and where he lived - and then they'd gossip, tweeting about a has-been YouTuber who passed out on his neighbors lawn for no discernible reason, an alcoholic who tried to drown out his sorrows by stumbling around drunk at three in the morning.

Sometimes he hated the recognition that came with being a "public figure." It seemed like everyone thought they knew him better than himself because he posted a fraction of his life online.

The wind picked up again, ripping him from his thoughts and making him shiver violently for the nth time that evening. He rubbed his arms halfheartedly to warm himself up, though it was a futile effort. Ever since the start of his diet he had been getting colder and colder, and now he was constantly freezing. Maybe he should try wearing long sleeves.

A car pulled around the corner, then, blinding him with its headlights. It was hard to tell the color in the dark, but Ethan knew it was Mark's from how many times he had ridden in it. He stood up on shaky legs, smiling widely at his saving grace. At the small wave from his friend, he clambered into the passenger seat.

Still shivering, he turned on the heat for his side of the car before smiling at Mark again. "Thank you, dude. Really. I would've froze out there or something."

Mark, however, stared straight ahead, fingers tight on the steering wheel. He did nothing to acknowledge the other man in his car aside from glancing at him once. A queasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, and Ethan bit his lip to try and dispel some of the nerves. Hesitantly, he looked over at Mark again. He didn't want to anger his only ride home, but he needed to know that his friend wasn't mad at him. "Mark?"

The older man sighed heavily, fingers curling impossibly tighter on the steering wheel. "What, Ethan?"

"Are you... Are you mad at me?" He jumped as the car swerved and grabbed for the handle near the roof of the car. "Holy shit."

"Am I mad at you? Are you seriously asking - yes, dumbass. I'm royally pissed off right now. You call me at one in the morning, begging for a ride home because you're 'too tired' to walk home, knowing that I have shit to finish, and you just prance into my car like everything is fucking normal when it's not!" Mark's voice raised the longer he talked and his face darkened in anger. Once the outburst was over, Ethan scooted as far as he could from Mark, curling into himself slightly.

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have called you if I didn't need to. I would've appreciated the workout of walking home anyway, but I -"

"See? You say shit like that and then you just expect me to move past it! Like normal people say things like 'I'm too exhausted to walk but I would've liked to workout more' and just move on with their day!"

Feeling insulted, Ethan straightened himself out slightly, peering over at Mark. "'Normal people?' What the fuck does that mean?"

The older man sighed again, turning onto a back street before responding. All of the anger seemed to dissipate from his body, and he slumped forward slightly. "I don't mean it like that. But - and I mean this in the nicest way possible - something is wrong with you -""Nothing is wrong -"

"Whether you like it or not. I mean, just - just look at you!" He pulled the car over, turning to face Ethan completely. His eyes roamed over his friend, taking note of how bony his joints were and how pale and dry his skin looked. It was a concerning sight, and much different from the bouncy, healthy person Ethan had been before quarantine. He could barely recognize his own friend.

The younger curled up again, pulling his shorts down self-consciously. He had forgotten that his body was exposed and everyone could see his shame, and he wanted to cry at his stupidity. Mark was probably laughing internally at how pathetic he was. Ethan's face twisted up and he quickly turned towards the window to hide the hot tears spilling down his face.

"I fucking get it, okay? I know I'm fat, I don't need you pointing it out -"

"Fat? Eth, that just proves my point." He shook his head at Mark's words, biting his lip even harder. He refused to believe anything the older was saying. "You're not fat. You look like a fucking skeleton."

"Don't lie to me." Ethan hissed. He didn't want to be given false hope that anything he did was actually working.

Mark sniffed, and Ethan's head shot over to look at him. Even though his friend was still staring straight ahead with a white-knuckle grip on the wheel, he could see the few tears running down his cheeks. Why was he getting so emotional?

"I'm trying to be as supportive as I possibly can." His words were broken and stuttered, but he carried on anyway. "But you need to get your shit together. I care about you as a friend, as family, as -" another stuttering inhale "- though there's only so much I can do. I can't help you if you aren't going to help yourself."

Still not wanting to believe anything Mark was saying, Ethan turned away again. It was easier to watch the faint outline of a tree in the dark than his friend breaking down over him and his pathetic problem. "I don't need -"

"Yes, you fucking do!" Mark shouted. He composed himself again, turning back onto the road and beginning to drive. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - shouldn't have yelled like that. I'm just scared, Ethan. You call me at one in the morning to pick you up looking like you're on death's door just to tell me you're fat and need to workout more and it's scary. I don't want you in pain."

Ethan let out a humorless chuckle. "It's a bit late for that."

Mark gripped the steering wheel tighter and set his jaw. A new batch of tears started welling in his eyes and he let them fall - too tired to care. "Yeah. It is." Finally they turned onto Ethan's street, and he stopped the car just outside of the younger's house. "Just... stay safe. That's all I can ask of you right now. I love you, Ethan, and I'm here for you."

Ethan blinked, dumbfounded. He paused in getting out of the car and turned to look at Mark one last time before leaving. "Uh - thanks. You too." Wincing at his awkward reply, he scrambled to leave, hurrying up his driveway.

Mark watched him go, biting his lip in concern and frustration. Once Ethan closed the door behind him he slammed his head on the wheel, letting out a long string of curse words. He had some research to do.