15 Letters I Wrote To You

In Which She Has to Face Reality

"I'm not sure."

The words were out her mouth before Amanda could think them through. The second she heard them especially coming out from her, they immediately made her feel anxious.

She was not sure - how aptly.

And when would she be sure of things?

Amanda drank her glass of wine as frustration for herself bubbled up inside her. In most instances, she needed time to think through things first before making a decision. But right now after four months of freedom from life's responsibilities, in just a matter of days, she found herself in a tight schedule.

"When do I need to decide again?" She knew that she was stalling but Amanda couldn't help as she asked her bestfriend.

"Not certainly right now," Rosalyn told her. "But the school was going to make an announcement by the end of next week so there's a chance someone else will apply for the position."

Amanda looked down at the drink she was holding, and then glanced up at her friend. She could feel the heavy knitting of her brows as she momentarily closed her eyes then faced the large window overlooking at her sister's backyard with the celebration coming in full force.

She roamed her eyes around, noting the familiar as well as the unfamiliar faces today. She couldn't believe how fast the neighbours' kids grew up, some she couldn't even distinguish like the McQueen boys she had babysat before, now looking on their way to breaking some teenaged girls' hearts. How long ago was it...twelve...thirteen years ago? Time flew really fast it seemed.

But here she was seemingly still stuck with her past.

Amanda pulled a deep breath and drained her glass.

Thaliana's christening was as smooth-sailing as one could hope for with a baby who cried and cried throughout the ceremony. Baby Thalia definitely had great lungs for sure. Now the baby was as happy as a Larry seeing the pink balloons and being cooed over by the guests. And in the short amount of time Amanda had spent with her niece, she realized she still had a heart to give as she fell in love with the cutest although a bit fussy 3-month old baby. Her godchild was definitely luring Amanda not to leave Countryside.

And here was her bestfriend also dangling an offer which to be honest, she found very tempting.

Not long after they had polished off the cupcakes, which were indeed delicious with their toppings of fresh strawberries and blueberries, Rosalyn pulled her to the quiet kitchen, away from the boisterous festivities outside and then excitedly told her the recent news.

The very kind and sweet Mrs. Lawrence, which was the school nurse at the Countryside Elementary School for as long as Amanda could remember, was now retiring. Rosalyn was urging her to apply for the soon to be vacant position.

But Amanda wasn't sure.

She blew out a long breath and faced her bestfriend. "Can I think about it tonight and get back to you tomorrow?"

Rosalyn slowly nodded, "Okay," And then her brows pinched in confusion. "I thought you'd be more enthusiastic in hearing this news. You told me you don't want to go back to a 12-hour shift at the hospital anymore. This is an 8-hour job and your weekends are free."

"I do...I do," Amanda agreed. "I'm delighted about it."

Oh, to have her weekends free and no graveyard shifts. Indeed, it would really be delightful for Amanda.

"But I can sense a 'but' in there somewhere," Rosalyn interjected.

She snorted at her bestfriend's astuteness but there was no humour in it. She could not specifically pinpoint the reason why but something was holding her back from committing.