From Strangers to Strangers (A Hello Stranger Fanfiction)

Past

"Uh," I said while looking at him in front of the camera. We were in a video call. I asked him if we could do this for a while, I just have something to tell him. The night was too long for us, and I decided to tell him this when we were apart already. I did not think I could pull it off if we were together. I did not think I could hold on to this decision if he was in front of me. "I have to tell you something."

This took me back to the time when I decided to confess my feelings to him. He was the reason why I was here. Why I was so confused about what I was feeling. Was love that fickle? I did not know. I was not sure. I did not ask Miss Moran's opinion about this. I did not know if I was a hundred percent sure about this. I had a lot in my mind, but I had one decision to make. I did not want to prolong this. I did not want to make Xavier suffer -- maybe I was immature for this.

"Tell me," he said. He was looking intently at me. We were not together, but I could feel his stare searing to my soul. It was as if there were no barriers between us. As if we were talking in front of each other. "What is this about?"

I breathed heavily and closed my eyes. I did not want to see his face. I did not want to see anything. "Let's break up."

I felt my tears streaming down my face upon blurting out those three painful words. Even I could not handle the intensity of such syntax. How could the English language be able to craft those words together to break someone's heart? I hated how such words were invented to give closure to a relationship. But I guess it was better than to have no closure at all. What we had was a wonderful story to be ended where there was no end.

"What?" Xavier said. I could feel the confusion in his voice, his words were crisp and sharp. "What do you mean? What did I do? We were having the time of our lives earlier in the Graduation Ball. What happened? Mico, please make me understand. Communicate with me."

Communicate -- something that I had been struggling with throughout my life. Up until now, I did not know how to do it properly. I could not explain to him in simple words how I was so scared to lose him around that was why I decided to end what we had before time ended us. I did not know how to tell him how it was a struggle to me that I would miss out on a lot of his life because we could not be together all the time. I did not know how to tell him that I did not know how I could survive not having him around. I did not know if I was willing to grow with him while I was still trying to figure out a lot of things in my life.

I was not sure how to tell him that I was scared that I could not pursue all my plans just because I was in a relationship with him. I was not sure how he would take all of this.

"I just think," I stuttered. I did not know what to tell him. I wanted this because I wanted some peace of mind when he leaves already. I did not want to be paranoid all the time. Maybe it was true, I was still immature in this. "I just think I could not survive this anymore. I don't think I see the future with you, Xavier."

Wrong, Mico. You had a lot in mind in your future, and most of them were with Xavier. But I could not tell him this. Maybe that was not the future the Universe had for me.

"Mico," Xavier said. He was unsure of what to say. "You said you just think. You weren't sure. But I am sure that I would like us to go on with this. Are you not happy with me, Mico?" His voice was shivering.

"I am," I said. "But I am not sure what the extent of this happiness is. I want to do things by myself, Xavier. I want to accomplish all my plans--"

"Then I will be with you in pursuing--"

"I want to accomplish all my plans without anyone with me. I want to pursue them by myself," I said cutting him. I made it a point that my words were as sharp as a knife so that he could not do or say anything anymore. "I want us to break up."

"Mico," he said, crying. "Please. Why now?"

"Because there is no other time to do it," I said, acting strong. I needed to look stern. "Just now. While everything hurts less."

He did not reply or say anything. He was just staring at me through the monitor. He took one last breath and said, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Goodbye, Mico," he said decisively. He heaved a long breath.

"Goodbye, Xavier," I replied, closing my laptop abruptly so he would not see me breaking down.