From Your Daughter

Siblings: a blessing and a curse

To my birth family,

Siblings are crazy. Anyone with siblings know what I'm talking about. Today Su's my best friend, but it took time.

Siblings usually go through a phase in life when they hate each other. Or at least, don't get along like old pals. For Su and me it began around the time puberty hit me.

I wasn't doing so well in both the looks department or the hormonal, and to make matters worse I didn't know how to handle emotions very well. Su was just starting to move into this phase, so you can imagine two tweens in the house having a go at each other every day. It drove Mum and Dad nuts, I tell you.

I did my best to ignore her, but it's hard when you live together. It was only as we got through puberty when we started to see eye-to-eye.

Fun fact: Su's Chinese name is Níng Měi Táng, meaning "Peaceful Beautiful Sweets" ("sweets" as in candy).

Let me tell you, Su isn't peaceful in the slightest. She knows how to rile me up, and she revels in it. I can't do the same to her because nothing bothers her. Little sisters just love annoying the crap out of their big sisters.

As I understand it, it's revenge for their early life when their big sisters bossed them around. Older sisters fear when their kid sisters grow up and learn to talk back. That's when we lost all authority over them. That's the end of our peaceful lives.

It was only after Su and I matured a bit, after we stopped bickering for a moment when we started to be friends.

I was in high school at the time, so I spent hours cooped up in my room doing homework. Su was bored on her own (she's social and likes to be with people), so she'd barge into my room and bother me.

After a while I stopped snitching on her to leave me alone and accepted that she wasn't going to go away. It occurred to me that I shouldn't keep pushing her away. She was making the effort to talk to me, so I might as well reciprocate. Or, at least, try.

We talked about school, how I hated it and how she loved it. She'd had some of the teachers I'd had in elementary school, so we compared our experiences. We also talked about boys, like who we thought was cute and who was dating who.

Recently, we've been talking about adoption. We both have questions, but we don't know exactly how to feel about the whole thing. Regardless, it's nice to have someone who understands where you're coming from. Su's the only one close to me whom I can relate to on that.

She, like Mum and Dad, encouraged me to write to you. She said it was a chance to find out more about where I came from, a chance to find the answers to my questions.

She also hoped that in doing this I'd find out I had a long lost brother. We've always wanted a brother, specifically an older brother so we could tease the crap out of him.

So how about it? Do I have an older brother? Do I have any other siblings at all? I can imagine any number of combinations of siblings I might or might not have had. I mean, you couldn't afford to keep me, so does that mean you already had a kid and couldn't pay the fine? Or did you give me away hoping that your next kid would be a boy?

Also, if we ever do get to meet in person I hope you'll get to meet Su. For all the crazy she is she's the only person I trust with absolutely all my secrets.

If anyone asks me otherwise, just know that I wouldn't trade my sister for anyone, not even a brother.

Sincerely,

Lillian

P.S. Seriously, don't tell Su I said that. I'll never live it down.

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Siblings sure can be a pain, but where would we be without them? They "build character."

Your thoughts? Are siblings a blessing, a curse, or both?