Another Summer Camp

A Leap Of Faith

A month, that was how long my aunt said that the camp lasts. Well, it was four weeks, but that was close enough and I knew that I could always ask to spend those extra few days with her. I could get away for a whole month! No screaming, no shouting, no drunk arguments, no breaking bottles, no lectures, no late night pick ups, none of that. I would be free for a whole month.

"I'll try it." The words came out of my mouth before I could think them through. But did I really have to? It was a chance to get away from my crumbling world. I really needed to get away from this place, before I started falling in on me.

"I'm willing to pay for it Mary." My family had never been amazing with money and I knew that with me gone my parents would be able to work some things out and the fact that they wouldn't have to pay for a month of me would be good for them. Maybe things would even get better, but I couldn't get my hopes up, it would take a miracle.

"If you are sure you want to do this Allie, I think it's a good idea." Mom was agreeing! I was going to escape for a whole month! I guess today wasn't going to be so bad after all.

"I do. I think it will be fun to go to a sleep-away camp again." There had been a sleep-away camp I had done when I was younger, but it had only been for one or two weeks at the most.

If I remember correctly, the camp was about animals and it was set on a farm. Everyday we had to take care of the animals in some way. I was only ten or eleven, so my group go to do the 'fun chores'. I never had to clean the animal stalls or milk the cows, I got to ride the horses or help herd the sheep because those were the easy things to do. I had loved it because I thought it was fun, but then things at home started getting more... challenging? There isn't really a good word for what changed, but somethings changed and now here we are.

"Okay. If you could sign her up Alex, that would be amazing." Inside I was jumping around, shouting in celebration, but on the outside I simply smiled. If I showed how excited I really was then maybe it would be taken away from me, something I didn't want.

If you hadn't pick up on this yet, my name is Allie, Allie Burton. My parents are having some trouble and I don't really want to go into it because it just makes me want to scream, or cry, or punch something, and none of those are good ideas.

The woman who is getting me out of this mess is my aunt, Alexandra Lewis, my mom's only sibling. My dad has a brother, but we don't talk to him anymore, I actually don't know why. But, it didn't matter, Aunt Alex was my savoir today, giving me a chance to get out of here.

After dinner was over, Dad still out, probably at some bar doing his 'job', tell you more about that later, but I went back to my room to relax. As much as I loved my dad, I wished he would get a job that didn't mean being close to something so addictive every night. Just so you do know, he's a nightclub promoter, meaning he goes around to different bars and clubs and got payed to bring the 'right' people in there. Anyone who looked like a model would do, or if they looked like a famous person, that worked too.

I wish he didn't have to do that because I meant that he was in that kind of environment everyday, something I don't think is healthy. As much as I know he loved it, being able to party every night and be payed for just getting people to go somewhere with him, I didn't. To me, the risk was too great for him getting hurt, or even him hurting someone else. Even after so many promises of him being safe and only having so many drinks a night, there were nights were I thought he wasn't going to come home alright.

Mom was a different story, kinda. She worked in a office for some big company, doing something boring. But what I did know was that her work was the reason we could live in a house instead of an apartment or a condo. Her job was a steady standard nine-to-five job, like most Americans who worked at a desk. And even though it wasn't always five o'clock when she got home, it was still the best thing we could have asked for, even if it means some late night dinners.

My only problem, okay, my only major problem, with her job was that it came home with her. If I was sick, she could work from home. Even when we were on vacations sometimes, someone would call her with a question and she would walk away to answer. She put in a lot of extra work, but never got much more than a 'thank you' out of it.

Either way, I was their 'perfect' daughter. We were an American dream, or that's what it looked like when we got photos taken for our Christmas cards. But we were a well hidden mess. My dad was probably an alcoholic from all he drank every night and my mom was probably some level of bipolar. That didn't make my life any easier, likely having some level of anxiety, and being introverted didn't help in my extroverted family. But, I'm still alive, by some miracle.

My family was Christian, or that's what we said when went religion was brought up in conversation. To say that Christianity played a part in my life meant that I had a Bible somewhere in my book shelf. But, a few times a year, we would go to church, the one that Aunt Alex brought me to when I was little. She had always been a believer and had always tried to get me and my family to come wandering back to a lost faith, but it just never happened. We all had never thought about religion when there was work and school, and by the way we almost never attended a church, I felt strange to walk in there with my two parents that were just as a mess as I was. Not that anyone knew that by looking at us. Like I said before, we're the perfect American family.

I plugged my earbuds in, letting the sound of music wash away some of the feelings that I had bottled up today. I teared up at some point and I recognized the song as Found/Tonight , two songs from musicals I listened to, never thinking I would see them. I had followed ticket prices for both, but even the cheep seats were too much for our family to afford, never mind find the time for us to actually go see one.

The song made me feel like there was something waiting for me at the end of this path, more than just the life I was living now. There was hope that I could be independent without risking a lecture, or that friends weren't something more than just people who came and went. It was about finding something more in life, something shared and something that I could keep hold of for more than the moment it was present. It was something I strive to reach. It was a goal: find what made me feel this same way. To make me feel so many emotions at one time and for me to just smile as my eyes watered. I wanted that outside of my little bubble; I wanted something more than just my little bubble. But, the likely hood of that happening wasn't very high, so I tucked the dream away with the rest, placing the box back on its shelf in my mind.

No one came to check on me for a good hour or two. I was alone with my music, which is how I preferred my days to be. I couldn't hear the words my parents shouted or the bottles falling into the trash can, only to be taken out by me in the morning. I didn't have to put myself in reality for as long as I could hold out in my little cove of peace. Even if none of that was happening because we had company, I still needed to open some of the bottles I had held my emotions in or they would eventually breakout themselves.

Finally, my aunt tapped me on the shoulder, scaring me a little bit. I pulled out my right earbud, not really wanting to talk or come back yet, but I knew that out of everyone in my family, this was the safest, and sanest, person to be around. She smiled as she sat down on the grey carpet next to me, letting me cuddle into her side, music still playing and eventually into her chest, where she paused my music and pulled out the left earbud carefully.

"Your mother said yes to camp, and sign ups are next week. Text me if you change your mind, but I have a feeling you won't. I will be sending you a list of things to pack in about a month. You will be away from the first of July to the twenty-eight. Then you will be spending those last few days with me, and will come home on a Wednesday, which is the first of August." Her words were soothing, just like the hand she was running slowly through my long hair, bushing my shoulder blades as her hand meet the ends.

I nodded into her chest, felling so much more welcome there than I did in either of my parents' arms. As much as I love both of my parents, my aunt was truly a mother figure to me. When I was little, she would whisk me away from stressful days by taking me to the playground or out for ice cream. I don't know how she put up with my parents for this long, but I'm glad she has, or I don't know who I would turn to when I needed help.

Aunt Alex had saved me again, but to what extent nether of us knew that, yet.