𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐬: 𝐍𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐬

꧁ 5. Guilt ~ Hollyleaf ꧂

   Fawnpoppy?

   Yes, little one?

   Can you tell us another story before we go to sleep?

   Please? We promise we'll be good!

   Well, it is a bit late for you two. But, I suppose just one more take couldn't hurt...

   Hooray! I can't wait!

   If you keep yowling about it, she'll never tell us, mouse-brain!

   Listen well, kits. This is a tale of a cat who dealt with a horrible guilt, more than any warrior should deserve. But relieving yourself of guilt is something that many struggle with, something you should know how to do if you are to become fine warriors.

   The cat I will tell you today was named Hollyleaf...

__________

꧁꧂

   Claws.

   A flash of blonde locks.

   Yowling.

   Blood. Oh, so much blood.

   A limp gray body drifting down the river.

   Uncertainty, gasps, and the sweet smell of deathberries.

   Rocks crumbling. Unbearable pain. Darkness.

   Guilt.

   Hollyleaf snapped her eyes open, her claws outstretched and her senses alert. For a heartbeat, Hollyleaf forgot where she was. Nothing but shadows greeted her, and for a moment she longed for the soft moss and squishy leaves of her nest back in ThunderClan.

   Then, memories came flooding back. Some not as welcome as the others. Lies, darkness, caves, and Fallen Leaves.

   The black she-cat swiveled her head to look at the white and ginger tom sleeping soundly next to her. Again, Hollyleaf felt weirded out by his misty pelt and the way his body never gave off warmth. On the other paw, perhaps that was just the effects of living in a cold, dark cave for so long.

   Hollyleaf sighed. It had been seasons since the death of Ashfur, and yet the memories still haunted her. Every day, trudging through the caves, guilt followed her like a shadow. The nightmares had gotten worse since she started spying on her clanmates from afar, but she couldn't bear not knowing how ThunderClan was doing, especially with Sol having visited them recently.

   Watching her clanmates grow up from afar, Dovewing, Ivypool, even little Cherrypaw and Molepaw. They didn't know her, but Hollyleaf would spend her last breath protecting them from harm's way.

   The thing she missed most? Her brothers. Her littermates, the cats that stood by her from the very beginning.

   Her entire clan was there, waiting a short journey away.

   Hollyleaf turned the thought of ThunderClan away.

   She glanced at Fallen Leaves again, stirring slightly in his sleep. It was rare for him to sleep in the same cave as she did, and Hollyleaf could never find any traces of bedding, or even a scent, of where he slept.

   She never asked where the tom ate or slept. She let him have his secrets, after all, she probably had darker one's, at that.

   Again, a jolt of guilt surged through her veins again. Every day, she felt like bursting from the pain of not telling anyone.

   Hollyleaf stretched for a moment, deciding to go for a stroll around the caves to clear her mind.

   Her silent pawsteps guided her through the tunnels, her mind barely aware of where she was going. Even though all she could see around her was black, Hollyleaf knew every turn, every loose pile of rocks in the caves. How far she had come from staggering into the tunnel out of desperation to confidently living in these dark holes.

   This isn't where I belong, though, she thought. No cat should be forced to live underground like a scared mole.

   Hollyleaf soon found herself at the cave exit. Particularly, the exit that led to the path where the clans were.

   I guess I really do miss home.

   The black warrior stood there at the edge of the shadows, the moonlight creeping in and highlighting her ivy green eyes. Her mind whirled with contradicting thoughts, her brain telling her to stay with Fallen Leaves, where it was safe. But Hollyleaf's soul reminded her that at heart, she was a true ThunderClan warrior.

   Maybe that's what being a warrior is all about, Hollyleaf mused. Not obeying the warrior code and being a perfect cat, but proving your loyalty to the clans and letting both the code and your heart guide you.

   Still, one thing stopped her from running back to ThunderClan. Two things, actually.

   Guilt. And Fallen Leaves.

   Hollyleaf wasn't sure if her clanmates would accept her, even after all the secret help she had given, protecting the apprentices and finding herbs. Ashfur was a popular cat, and Hollyleaf had murdered him just to keep him quiet.

   And Fallen Leaves had welcomed her and allowed her to live with him without a second thought. The sadness in his green eyes portrayed those of a cat who had suffered a great loss. She had a feeling that she was one of the only cats he had ever encountered in the caves.

   But as hard as saying goodbye may be, and however judged she may be, Hollyleaf knew what she had to do.

   Something to relieve herself from the burden she had carried on her shoulders for so long without telling anyone, even if it helped just a little.

   Perhaps then would she work up the courage to go back to her brothers, her family.

   Confiding in Fallen Leaves.

꧁꧂

   As Hollyleaf made her way back to her sleeping cave, a voice rang out.

   "Holly? What are you doing?"

   Fallen Leaves was there, his eyes full of concern. He drew his ears back in surprise as the she-cat sat next to him, her tail curled tightly around her paws.

   "Hollyleaf, are you alright?" he asked again.

   Hollyleaf sighed. "Fallen Leaves, there's something you should know about me..."

__________

꧁꧂

   Wow. Hollyleaf must have done some bad things.

   Undoubtedly, she did. But at heart, she was a good cat who deeply respected the warrior code.

   That must have been terrible guilt she felt.

   That is correct, Robinkit. But Hollyleaf found someone to confide in, someone to decrease her pain just a little bit.

   Fallen Leaves!

   Great job, Honeykit! As you see, the moral of the story of Hollyleaf is to never bottle in your feelings, as most warriors do. It's okay to seek help, and it doesn't make you any less of a warrior.

   I'll be the greatest warrior in all of StarClan!

   I...I'm sure you will, dearest. Now please, head back to sleep. It's almost moonhigh.

   Yes, Fawnpoppy! Thank you for the story!