When September Ends...

PROLOGUE

They say that life will always fix itself in the end. 

That everything will get better in time. 

But what happens when your life is too far gone to be fixed?

I think this as I brush the dried roses off of their grave. I want to make sure that everything is right before I leave. I graze my hand over the letters of their names and I close my eyes. Everything is silent around me, as if the world was trying to let me have these last moments with them. I feel as if I am with them again, that we are back at home, that these past events had never happened. I feel a familiar warm breeze, one that I haven't felt since I left my home. I open my eyes with a jolt, hoping that everything was a dream, and that nothing wrong had happened.

My heart breaks when I find that I am back in the same place, in front of their lonely grave in the middle of the forest. When I find that I am still living this nightmare. I look at their names again. This isn't their real grave; the original was back at home, which was too far away. I see that the area around me is getting darker, and I look up at the pink and orange sky, seeing that night is almost upon me. In the corner of my vision, I see that a lonely orange leaf has broken off from the safety of its branch and is floating gently towards the earth below it. I reach my hand out to catch it, knowing that I don't want it to land on this sad, dark world. It lands on my hand and I stare at it for a few moments. I wonder, for a crazy moment, what it would be like to be a leaf instead of a human. Having nothing to worry about, just sitting on my branch until I shrivel up and die. I think which fate is better, mine or the leaves. Another soft breeze picks the leaf off of my hand and glides it towards their grave. I reach my hand out to brush it off the grave, then change my mind as drop my hand by my side again. I decide that they would have liked it on their grave. Also, it looked so perfect on their grave. A perfection that I would never have in my life.

I slowly stand and put my fingers on my lips, then place it back on the grave. I see their faces one more times, smiling sadly at me, telling me not to leave. I whisper an apology to them and remove my hand. Slowly, they disappear and leave me alone once again.

I spin around to face away from their grave, wanting to see my surroundings one last time. Here, by their grave, was the only place that I felt safe, like everything was normal again, that nothing could hurt me here. I take a deep breath and remember the scent of the forest, the scent that was the only thing that had kept me sane these past months. For the first time since I arrived at their grave, I notice the frigid air around me, and I feel that it had just got colder. I know that it time for me to leave.

I walk over to a nearby tree and gently slip my white sandals off. I silently walk away from them, still facing the tree, and I wonder if they allow happy memories where I was going. Or will they torment me with my horrible life sliding by me again and again? I shake my head and turn my back to the tree, facing the grave away. I walk slowly towards it, and pick my foot up to begin to take my first steps to leave, but then I change my mind, wanting to do one more thing before I left. I walk around the grave and move towards the cliff behind it where I have a perfect view of hell. The hell that was the area in which I have been living in for the past few months. I glance at the lake that held too many dark memories for me and sigh in relief for being able to finally leave it all behind. I softly stretch my arms out on either side of my body, palms facing the sky, and I shut my eyes. I feel all my troubles finally start to leave me, and I know that I have made a good decision by leaving.

After a few moments, I draw my hands back down beside me, and I turn my back on the lake for the last time. I walk back over to their grave and stop when I reach it. I gaze across the back of it, and relax, releasing all of the hesitations of my decision. I pick one foot up and set it on the top of the grave as I pull myself to stand on it. Deep down, I feel an odd feeling erupt inside of me, but I ignore it because I don't want to feel those bad emotions anymore. I only want to remember these last moments here, being alone, calm, and most of all, happy. These feelings are ones I haven't felt in a long, long time.

I slowly reach my hand up and grab hold of the loop of the rope dangling from the tree. Without hesitating, I carefully place my head through it and tighten it around my neck. While my hands are near my neck, I undo the necklace I am wearing and dangle it in front of my eyes. This necklace was my only hold on my life before it shattered, the only object of have left from the people whose grave I am standing on. I clutch onto it tightly and place my hands on my sides. I take a deep breath and shut my eyes tightly. I start to feel tears slide out of my eyes and slide down my cheeks, but I know that they are not tears of sadness, like the ones I have often shed in this life. No, they are tears of joy, tears of liberation from the life I am leaving. I pick my foot up and prepare myself to take a step forward, when suddenly I hear a twig snap behind me. I turn around; wincing a little at the pain the rope around my neck caused me when I moved.

I glance over the large lake and sigh, knowing that I have now distracted myself from my goal, because I feel myself looking at my memories of the past few months, memories that I didn't want to remember before I left it all behind. I reach my hands up towards my neck again, and hesitantly grab the noose. I carefully slip it over my head and let it dangle beside me. I turn around to face the lake and jump off of the grave like I was about to do a few moments ago, however this time I wasn't going to leave when I did. I sit down on the cold ground and lean my back against the grave. I start to feel myself drifting off after a few minutes.

Slowly, I let myself remember everything, to recall my horrible life, wanting to be rid of it before I finally leave.