Blooming Flower ✔️

Chapter 16: Cue the "Marjaavaan" Songs

Song: Tum Hi Aana

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 I was never aware of the different kinds of dread that you could experience on certain days. It all felt the same every time that I felt it. This time, this kind of dread was a new one that I had never experienced in my life. It was one that made me feel like my heart was being dragged down into hell with each step and each breath that I took. 

It felt like all the positive emotions that I could feel were being tackled to the floor and strangled to unconsciousness with a piece of rope. I could only hope that this was the last time that I felt this kind of dread ever.

I felt like that day could be best described by the soundtrack from the Indian movie, "Marjaavaan." Even though I thought the actual plot of the movie was really shitty, most of the songs were one stone throw away from describing all the emotions and events that happened on that day. From "Tum hi Aana," and "Thodi Jagah," everything was scarily accurate.

I woke up that day, looking at the ceiling, contemplating if I even wanted to do this. I knew that ditching him at the last minute would be awful, but I don't think my heart would've been able to handle it. I didn't know whether or not I'd crumple to the floor, holding his waist, begging him not to leave, like a clingy ex to their ex partner after they had cheated on them numerous times. 

Eventually, after contemplating that day for a few minutes, I let out a large exhale to myself and just reassured myself. "Okay, Jaya. Woman up. You got this," I thought to myself, as I flung myself out of bed. I wanted to make sure that I could at least say goodbye to my best friend before he was to leave. 

I picked up my phone so that I could check what time would be best for me to drive to the airport. I turned it on, and then saw a text from Manish that said, "My flight is at 5 o' clock today. If you're planning to come, be there at 2:30, because I'm going through security at 3 o' clock." 

I texted back, saying, "Of course I'm planning to come. I wouldn't miss this at all. See you," I texted, and then put my phone back onto the nightstand so that I could get some breakfast.

Despite me telling myself that I needed breakfast, my stomach had other plans for that morning. I just sat there, nibbling at my toast, one crumb at a time. My mind had probably walked into my stomach's office, and then started an argument on them on why I should've eaten something that day. 

I eventually wolfed my food down, and then drank a cup of coffee that had enough milk that the cow from which it came from would've hated me eternally. I went back upstairs to take a shower and be fresh for the day, even though emotionally, I felt so muggy and awful. 

 I checked my phone one more time before I got back into the car to see if Jen was about to start heading to the airport. Surely enough, there was a text from her that was sent five minutes prior that said, "Leaving now. See you in a bit." I slipped my phone into my purse, grabbed my car keys, and started heading to the airport to bid goodbye to one of my best friends.

I always described my emotions on that day as like a dish of kadhi pakora. You had the warm spices that represented the hot tears that I was so close to crying, you had the simple sauce that represented how straightforward the situation was, the greasy pakoras that were swimming in the sauce, and together, it was something that I absolutely hated to eat or deal with. 

I was already breaking down inside due to all the stress that I was going to deal with in medical school coming to kick me in my backside until I have to end up in the educational hospital, but the fact that the added dread from seeing my best friend move far away from me was enough to make people want to curl up at the bottom of a ditch and cry themselves to sleep.