Chasing Destiny

9. Borrowed time

"But how is this even possible?" I had gotten out of Davids' lap and was now pacing around. I was confused. And I wasn't. I felt like I was torn within. Why wasn't I screaming? Why was I so calm? I felt something rise inside.

Before I knew what was happening I felt like I couldn't breathe and my sight narrowed down to a small window. I felt somebody sit me down and press my head between my knees.

"Hey, I need you to calm down. I need you to breathe." I could barely hear David. He was too far away.

'We have done this before. Breathe for me. In and out. Come on Amy, in and out.' Pauls' voice was loud in my head. I looked up into his eyes and tried to level my breathing with his. It took me for forever to calm down.

When finally my vision cleared, I realized I was sitting in Dwayne's' lap. Paul sitting on his heels between our legs and had my face in his hands.

"Alright. Keep breathing." He didn't let go of my face and I could Dwayne's' hands feel running up and down my arms. Slowly I recovered, got back control over my body.

"I have to..." I could feel bile rise in my throat and my stomach convulse. Dwayne pushed me forward while holding back my hair and I started vomiting. I felt so sick all of a sudden, I didn't understand why.

"It's okay, princess. We have you." His voice was calm and soothing. His free hand caressing my back as I puked again. I felt so embarrassed. I didn't want them to see me like this.

When I finally felt my stomach relax I was completely exhausted and sweaty. Through half lidded eyes I saw Marko with a wet washcloth coming over. He took the bucket from me and started cleaning my face. One of the boys held a bottle to my lips and I was glad for the water so I could wash out my mouth.

"Are you feeling better now?" Davids' voice was soft and he gently pushed some strands of hair from my forehead.

"Yes. I am sorry, I don't know why I felt so sick all of a sudden." My voice was hoarse.

"It's not your fault. It's the blood in your system. Turning isn't an easy process. It hurts. There are times you feel like dying. And without sugar-coating it, that is exactly what happens to your body." I climbed over from Dwayne into Davids' lap and leaned into his chest.

"I think I can deal with that. I am already living on borrowed time. I wasn't supposed to even be here. Hold me, please." David hugged me tight and laid his head on mine.

"Hey, babe. Care to tell us why you think you live on borrowed time?" Marko had sat down on the armrest next to us and Paul was sitting on the floor, with his head in my lap. I looked to my right and Dwayne scooted over and rested his arm on the back of the couch behind David and I. I sighed heavily. I had never really talked to somebody about it, except for my therapist.

"I don't think I live on borrowed time, I know it. I showed you the scars yesterday." Dwayne had taken my shaking hands in his and all four boys were waiting for me to continue.

"Why don't you start with why you came here in the first place. It might be easier, princess." I nodded and took another minute before I started.

"I grew up in Phoenix. I had a brother and two great parents. Straight A student and a boyfriend I was sure I would marry one day. Two years ago we lost my brother. He died while saving someone elses life. It was hard on us, especially on my dad. A few months later my mom got diagnosed with cancer. She started treatment and everything seemed to turn back right. During that time I spent a lot of time with my dad in the garage, working on his 'Baby'. He showed me a lot about motorcycles and I was to inherit his Harley one day. Well, my mom got better as I said but it took its toll on all of us, we had just lost James after all. And then there was this night in August... We were driving home from visiting my grandparents. It was late at night and I had fallen asleep in the back of the car. I came to seconds before the truck hit us. Threw us over. My mom died the second he hit us, my dad got thrown out of the window and died trying to get back to the car to save us. I was trapped in the back, half dead when they found me. I spent month in the hospital and broke up with my boyfriend... with Michael, I broke up with Michael. When I was released from the hospital, I moved in with my aunt. I stopped going out, my grades dropped and I pushed away almost every single one of my former friends. There were a lot of bills to pay, the funeral, the hospital, therapy... My aunt couldn't pay them anymore so she did what was necessary. The sold the house I grew up in and my dads' bike. That was the day I couldn't take it anymore. I had lost my family and now I was losing everything that was left of them. I didn't see a way anymore and I couldn't imagine the pain to ever lessen. So I decided I was done. Locked myself into the bathroom, got into the tub, drank the last bottle of wine that my parents had bought. I cut open my wrists. Not like they always do in movies, the cut followed my pulse. I wanted to die. I didn't want to be saved, I just wanted it to be over. And I almost succeeded, hadn't my aunt managed to break down the door in time... So yes, I am already living on borrowed time."