23 June 2020
Dear Community,
It all started on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing and the rest of the world was doing something or other. We were chatting away in the discord server about this and that. Then it all went wrong.
Our resident server tyrant, TimberWoolf, dropped a question in the lounge asking about who had the most infractions from Happiness. Here's where a little explanation is needed. On the CI server, we have a couple "bots" - they're like dummy people and you can get them to do different things by typing different things (e.g. type "p!play baby shark" when in the voice channel and the infernal song will blast your ears to the moon).
Two of our bots are commonly known as Memory and Happiness. Memory patrols the streets of our server city, keeping an ear and eye out for anyone who lets slip a swear word here and there or tries to copy and paste something a million times. He seeks out his target, steals the words they just sent and gives them a stern one-line talking to.
Happiness (also known as Good Boy) is the second part of this operation. This guy notes down and keeps track of all the slips and infractions - swear words and warnings from the big guys (and those guys can warn you about anything, including "being too hot", "not having enough infractions" and "existing").
These two work like a well oiled machine. Oh and if you piss them off too much, they'll mute you faster than you can say "well shi-". After a while, they show mercy and unmute you but should you piss them off again not once, but twice, it's see ya sucker and they'll boot you out the door.
So back to the Tuesday afternoon. There we were, minding our own business, when the top woolf wanted to know how to rank people in the server by their infractions. There was a little bit of tinkering, brainstorming and putting our heads together while trying not to give each other concussion when we realised it would just be easier right then to ask what the infractions were of a bunch of our members. We had a few ideas about who would come out on top (you know who you are).
That was all good - we had a laugh, a few accusations were thrown and demons pulled on halos, trying to look as innocent as possible when Timber shouted from the rooftops: FIRST PERSON TO GET BANNED BY HAPPINESS WINS.
You can imagine what happened next.
Swear words were flying left and right like confetti, forcing Memory to scramble all over the place to catch 'em all. 5 seconds after the big bang? Two people were muted. Give it another couple seconds and two became three, became four, five, six, seven - it was pandemonium.
Second accounts were pulled into the fray, adding to the punches thrown at Memory as he tripped and stumbled and lunged for all the curse words, yelling warnings to the whole world as his voice cracked and squeaked. And through all this, the Tyrant Woolf was prancing around, manually unmuting miscreant members so they could continue their reign of terror on the poor sucker.
Happiness just munched on some popcorn and watched the infractions roll in, finger hovering over the ban button for that special someone.
Everyone flocked to our member-run news channel, bringing with them a wave of obscenity that dragged Memory under and spat him out. He struggled so hard to delete all the quick-fire curses that some were left behind in the fray and warnings lagged and lagged and lagged behind.
And there it was - the special someone. Happiness slammed his hand down on the ban button and Light (aka Chaos) was catapulted into space. Congratulations to our very first ban awards champion!
So that was the ban awards. Fun, laughter and just a sprinkling if chaos *wink wonk* (yes Halo, I saw the phrase so it's mine). Hope you enjoyed this little snippet into our server fun and if you're interested in joining us on our adventures, drop us a message so we can invite you - we'd love to see you there.
Demon out,
P.S. No-one thought about the bloody consequences and now we've got Memory shouting warnings into the air on the deserted news channel for hours, random swear words everywhere and a very smug Happiness. Looks like a new job for the clean up crew (cheers Ash :) ).
YOU ARE READING
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