Bitter Sweet | ✓ (rewriting)

13 • tashweesh | تشویش

•| anxiety |•

•••
tum aadat bano humari hum bigad jaayenge
tum ankhon se bataana hum samajh jaayenge
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Fidah had never been a moody brat. She wasn't ever given the privilege to throw tantrums-and have her way. She didn't allow herself as well because she knew she couldn't become a burden on someone, her life hadn't been granted that way. Even if there was an outlet to her emotions it was behind closed doors.

Zarrar Hamidi was the first man after her Baba that she had cried in front of. Even Laiq had only ever seen her angry tears, never the ones that left her vulnerable with a burn to the heart. The ones she cried behind closed doors. Her mind, body and soul were all unconsciously leaning towards a trance that he had created. He was all she thought about nowadays and in all honesty she wanted nothing more.

She sat in front of Zarrar's desk, keeping the black coffee she had grown accustomed to making since the past few days. It was a dark bitter brew that contained, 4 whole spoons of sugar. Initially she was mind blown at the atrocity of the beverage but it did make some sense after-all. The caffeine and sugar combined provided adrenaline rush like never before.

"Zarrar.."She began, her eyes scanning his fluid-precise movements as he typed away on his laptop. His eyes darting across the screen methodically.

"Jee.." Came his reply causing her heart to flutter in palpitations. His eyes still not meeting hers as he concentrated on the task before him.

"I want to ask you something."

That somehow grabbed his attention as he peered at her over the laptop, before shutting it close completely. He leaned back on his chair, his head tilting sideways asking her to continue.

"What kind of wife did you wish for?" She questioned, flustered at his undivided attention on her.

"Huh?"Came his puzzled reply causing her to giggle out loud.

"Ab maine aesa to koi astrophysics ka sawal nahi poocha, seedha sa question hai."

(I haven't asked a difficult astrophysics question.)

"In all honesty I never thought of what kind of wife I wanted. I had more important things to worry about." He replied, gracing her with a small smile.

"Did you never want to get married then?" Fidah feared for his answer but the question left her mouth before her mind could process information.

"I never thought I would." He replied candidly completely unaware of the storm it had started inside his wife.

Fidah's face paled, despite how much she tried reassuring herself, her mind was leading her down the paths of self loathing and pity. Nodding at him, she got up.
"I will get going then, Good Night."

Zarrar frowned at her odd behaviour but didn't stop her. Had he said something to upset her? He didn't ponder more than that, just continued about his work but his heart wasn't at rest nor was his mind. The thought that Fidah might go back to being reserved and cautious around him like before, left him tormented. What if he did do a mistake?
They had been making so much progress. She was opening up to him, sharing her thoughts. Finally recovering from all the times she was hurt. He would hate to ruin that.