Staring into the mirror I see my reflection, tall, skinny, dark Brown hair, blue eyes. Not so ugly. I think to myself. I certainly don't look hideous, or act creepy. I don't have any weird habits, or a terrible personality I hope. Then why have I felt invisible and unwanted my whole entire life.
Invsible isn't the term most People would use to describe me and my life, but all the attention I did receive was unwanted, for the wrong reasons. It didn't make me happy, But It certainly made me who I am today. A girl searching for acceptance and happiness, and failing. Miserably.
For the first half of my life, up until the age of ten I lived in an eastern European country, happy, for the most part, as most children are. My father however, left us, and as one of the only children with only one parent I got the reputation of being "the one without a dad". It hurt. I've got to admit, when someone would ask where's my dad and I couldn't give them a straight answer. It really did. One time my cheerleading coach, stupid childhood dream, asked who's my dad and I said I didn't have one. I certainly didn't consider my maker my father. It gave him too much respect. But you've got the idea, that's the first half of my childhood. I always tried to belong, be like the cool kids, but it never worked. And to this day I don't understand why. I wasn't funny, I already know, but why I wasn't accepted is still a mystery to me.
At the age of ten we moved to the United States. Once again I had to start over, New school, new friends. It gave me a chance to fit in, to start over. However that sounds much easier than it is in reality. I stood out, didn't know English. And once again, I got the unwanted attention of "the girl that didn't know English". The kids weren't particularly rude, or insulted me in any way. But their expression on their face when I shook my head indicating that I don't understand what they're saying said it all. They were annoyed. I was different. And once again, not accepted.
For the next 3 years I barely spoke, came home and cried every day, my life was focused on every TV show I found. I lived the characters lives. And it worked for me. I waited for the day that my life begins to look just like it is on the show. Around 7th and 8th grade is when I broke out of my barrier, started talking to people, making friends, but I still stuck to myself. Barely hung out with the kids outside of school. Until I found one friend, who continued to be my close friend all the way into high school, Cece. She was, something. Very unique, hyper, some.might say annoying, but our friendship made me happy. She understood and didn't judge, it finally made me feel wanted. Until she switched schools.
And so high school was about to start. I chose a school I knew most kids from my school wouldn't go to. Somewhere far, where I could start fresh. And I chose a school about 20 minutes away. It was nice, offered a great program. I set my mind to it, applied without anyone knowing until I got accepted.
August 10th, eight days before school is supposed to start I received a call from Cece, she was applying to the same school today. We're going there together. United once again, and that is how my story started, an adventure I call high school, somewhere I was accepted. I got exactly what I wanted. But how long does it last. ...?
