Ruined

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She will always find him beautiful, even at his worst.


This girl who looked at that guy and all his broken parts and didn't try to fix him.
She loved him because of his faults, and not in spite of them.
But in the end, that wasn't enough. Loving someone to the moon and back, loving someone with everything you had, was never enough to make them love you. Never enough to make them stay. People always wanted more and more of everything.


she should've known that she'd always love and need him more than he loved or needed her.

She remembered a man that didn't play games and liked her for all her faults,she remembered a man who laughed with her, teased her, a man who once called her his life.
She remembered nights spent awake, lots of random questions,she remembered the tears, the laughter...
she remembered a man who promised to be there.
She remembered a man who was her best friend, her partner, her boyfriend, her family, her future...She remembered a man that could love her too...but didn't want to.


"Let's be messed up together."


Except, there was no 'together' anymore.


*******


You make me raw, you make me need, you make me dream, you make me want, you make me want more and more, and i feel like i am addicted to something i can't have...or could I?
I have known you at your worst, childish, frustrated and weirdest moments but i knew you at your best, too And I have loved you anyway.
You were my person. It was my life, our life, and our future together and I wouldn't have traded it for the world.
You were my best friend, one of the few people in this world that actually understood me and got me better than anyone...I've fallen back into the "how-could-this-have-happened-to us?
We've been through hell and back.
I've been focused on making a life including you right by my side.
With all the imperfections and flaws you were mine. I loved you. I love you. How could you go? How could you become so cruel?
When I was insecure, when I told you that this could go away, you said


"Love I would never do this, I love you, trust me."

And I trusted you.
But apparently your promises were only pretty lies, because after all you said and did, after all we sacrificed you still left.

And me? I'm left with love. Love lifts me up and makes me drown.
Love Is the only thing I have left.
The way I miss you... Can't be put into words.
Why did I trust you? Because I really love you.
After all we went through, after all you put me through I'm still on your side. I still Trust you, believe in you, love you.
You're not here anymore, but I am. And I will live in this love always because no matter who will try to reach out I will push them away. All I've ever needed was you. I don't need anyone else.
You can't understand how much you mean to me. Have you ever?
I see the potential you have.
I see your beauty, your struggles...Your everything.
I don't want to look for the next person. I'm done.
If I can't have you I'll survive alone, because you were and still are the best thing that happened to me.


"I love you."


"After all this time?"

"Always."
"Why?"


"Because... You can't control life.
You can't control where your road takes you. You can't control who stays or who leaves no matter how much you want, but you can control what you feel.
And i love you.
I've always loved you, I will always love you, because if I can't control what you feel, I can control what I feel.
You took everything from me, but not my love, no matter how much you tried.

I feel that I love you. I know that I love you."Love is the last thing that dies. And while I breathe I will love you."

No matter how much I have to sacrifice, no matter if I have to spend my whole life alone, I'm done. This love is the most precious thing I have, and i will hold on to it.

Love isn't just a feeling. Love is something you do. Love is something you keep alive in your thoughts and actions.
Come on. Call me ridiculous, I know you want. But first remember, once you said that I was it for you.

I'm already used to the pain and despair.
It's worse at nights. Can you believe that you breaking up with me affected me more than anything in the world? Even More than the death of my grandmother? You ruined me and I still love you.
What did you do to me, to us, love?
Why did you pull away? To fall out of love? Why did you choose to go?
Because in the end it was a choice.
I wasn't good enough, I guess...
You told me to stop holding on to the hope that you'd return. Weirdly enough, this made me love you more, hope even more.
I will not stop. I refuse to stop loving you.
You are the best part of everything I love and need. We have two eyes, legs, hands... You are my second heart, and my heart, the only one I have is yours, too.
Keep it. I don't want it back.

*******

She closed the diary, barely holding back her tears. She should get used to the pain and miss, right?
Well she wasn't.
He decided to leave her, she decided to keep loving him.
It was a choice that she didn't regret, but it still hurt. Every single day.

Sighing, she locked the little book in her drawer and picked up her tablet, turning the music volume at 100%.
It was singing time until she had no voice, until her tears stopped, until she was too tired, until her mug of coffee was empty...


#Time changes everything.
One truth always stays the same.
You're still you.
I believe in you.
Although you never asked me to.
I will remember you.
And what life put you through.
And in this cruel and lonely world.
I found one love.
You're still you.
After all.
You're still you.#

AN:
This was a short thing that didn't want to leave me alone. I wrote it after a book made me really sad so I have no excuses, I needed to torture some characters. Because I didn't want to hurt the characters from All We Were, this one shot was my best bet. I hope that you didn't cry. I did!

The Lyrics you see at the end are from Josh Groban's song, you're Still You.

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⏰ Last updated: May 26, 2020 ⏰

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