The Fallen Angel's Saviors (BVB Fanfiction)

Re-lapse

Grace's POV:

*Time skip to the next morning*

I woke up the next morning exhausted from yesterdays events. I forced myself to get out of bed and get dressed. I fixed my hair and went downstairs.

I wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat. That may have something to do with last night. Now, I wasn't able to cut and I started slipping back into my unhealthy eating habits. I sat down on the couch with Jake and Cc, hoping they wouldn't tell me to eat. 

"Good morning." Jake said, giving me a hug.

"Morning." I replied. 

My head hurt. Probably because I was hungry, but I didn't want to believe that. I was having a rough time and not eating helped. 

"You eat breakfast?" Cc asked, looking up from his phone. 

"Mm hm." I said. 

"Liar." Jake said. 

He put his guitar down and looked at me. 

"You need to eat something." He said.

"I'm not hungry." I said and looked down to avoid his eyes.

Jake took my arm gently and stood up, leading me to the kitchen. Ashley was outside working on his bike and Andy and Jinxx had gone to get groceries. Jake sat me at the table and got up to find something for me. 

"Here. Eat these." He sat down with me, handing ma a few slices of apple. 

"I'm not hungry Jake." I said again.

"You've got to eat something Gracie, please." Jake pleaded to me. 

I shook my head and looked away. I felt arms wrap around me and tears spill from my eyes. I turned and buried my face in Jake's shoulder. 

"It's ok." He said. 

He didn't say anything else after that. Instead, we sat in silence while he let me cry into his shoulder. People always told me to 'stop crying' and 'suck it up'. Jake didn't do that. He let me cry. Once I had calmed down, he spoke again.

"You want to talk?" He asked me. 

"I...can't do it." I said, trying not to cry again.

"You can't do what hun?" He asked.

"Eat." I said, looking down.

"You were doing so well. What's changed now?" He asked.

I didn't answer.

"Explain it to me. Help me understand." Jake turned me to look at him. 

"I...just..." A tear rolled down my cheek. "Cutting helped me cope with eating and now that is gone too and I don't know what to do because my mind is telling me so many different things and I don't know what to listen to." I said all in one breath. 

I broke down again and Jake just pulled me into his arms. 

"Let me help you." He said. "Tell me what your mind is saying." 

"It says to eat, but not to eat. It says to cut, but not to cut. It says to trust you guys, but not to. It says that I'm ugly, and no one will ever love me. I don't know what to believe anymore." I said in between sobs.

Cc was standing at the doorway but I didn't notice him. 

"I know it's confusing." Jake said. "I know it's scary not knowing things. I know it makes you feel crazy, and lonely, and tiny, and it feels like you're drowning in thoughts. But I'm here. I'll help you figure things out." 

He was so sweet. Just then Ashley came in from the garage.

"Jake I have to- What happened?" He asked, stopping in the middle of his sentence. 

Cc pulled Ashley out of the room and it was quiet. The only sound was me crying quietly. I calmed down yet again and Jake spoke again.

"Let me clear up some things for your mind." He said, looking at me again. "You need to eat. You are beautiful no matter what you look like. Also, you don't need to cut. There are other ways to get those feelings out. You can trust us. All of us. We love you and are here for you whenever you need us. Don't listen to what your mind says. If you ever have thoughts like that again, come talk to me. I really want to help you, but you have to let me in."

"Every time I let someone in, they hurt me." I said, trying not to cry. 

"I know. It's not fair. It's not right. You should never have had to go through that. But I promise you I will not hurt you." Jake said. 

I nodded. Jake hugged me again. 

"Can you please try to just eat a couple slices? For me?" He asked me.

I nodded again. I was able to eat two slices before refusing to eat more. 

'That's good enough." Jake said with a smile. "Let's go watch a movie." 

We walked into the living room and I sat on the couch while Jake picked a movie. Ashley sat down next to me and hugged me while Cc smiled at me from the other couch. I rested my head on Ashley's shoulder and didn't pay any attention to the movie. 

About an hour in, I heard Andy and Jinxx come in through the garage. Jake got up to go talk to them. I could hear some of their quiet conversation. 

'I think she's re-lapsing.' I heard Jake say.

"What?' Andy asked.

'She had a hard time eating this morning.' Jake explained. 

I couldn't hear much else, but I saw Cc stand up and walk into the kitchen with them. 

"Calm down Andy." Cc said, louder than everything before.

"How am I supposed to just calm down?" He said, nearly yelling.

"I know it's hard but-" Jake was cut off by Andy again.

"I thought it was getting better. Now it's apparently getting worse." He said.

"Andy! She's in the other room, please keep your voice down." Cc said.

I could feel my chest getting tighter as the conversation went on. 

"What are we supposed to do? Obviously we can't do this by ourselves." Andy said, a little quieter. 

"We can do it. She was doing well, we just need to give her time and be patient." Jinxx said. 

"She's confused and overwhelmed right now." Jake said. "She just needs time and support." 

"Jake. I don't know if I can do this. I mean, after last night?" Andy said. 

I could feel tears forming in my eyes. My chest was getting even tighter and I was trying my hardest to breathe, but I barely could. I couldn't take it any more. I was going to break. I stood up and ran upstairs. I heard them still talking so they obviously didn't notice me. I ran into my room and shut the door.