That's How Life Is

Belong

Ma's determination to make me  ONE in this city was very strong. She applied to a Montessori school. She cleared the interview and along with her I too got enrolled in the school named Flower. One fine day we were shouting "A for Apple, B for Bat, C for ...", the blue-colored shirt pant uncle(that's what I used to call peon uncle ) knocked on the door, "Ma'am, notice from Principal Maam ". Pinki Ma'am read and signed it and a blue uncle left the class. "Class there is good news, we will celebrate Children's Day, so Nursey A  i.e this class will do a DANCEEEEEE ". I didn't know what Children's Day was but everyone in the class was happy and shouting "YEHHH", so I also joined them and shouted "Yeah"!! "Everyone finger on your lips ", Pinki Ma'am was shouting while we stood with fingers on our lips yet there was so much sound. Aahana (my bench mate ) called "Pinki Ma'am, Li-th-pika ( actually pronounced Lipika- another bench mate )is talking to me !!". Ma'am said Ok. We climbed to the 3rd-floor terrace. To my utter shock, I saw Ma with Ghungru(anklet bells) for the first time. "Children, Pakhi Ma'am (my mother's name) will teach dance also from today, wish ma'am". "Good Morninnngggg Ma'am".Calling own mom ma'am felt weird. Pinki ma'am left. Ma started explaining the skit -Selfish Giant to us and other seniors. As per the plan, Ma started teaching us the dance. Ma used to return home and teach me dance and I always enjoyed dancing. After a week's time, Ma pulled me in the first line because I remembered steps. After the class, a few of my friends came and said" Hi Ishita". I was invisible in class for so long and now a few children came to talk to me !! I was so happy!! I said Hi to them as well. The next day the dance practice was a little different. Pinki Ma'am came in and told, "Pakhi Ma'am, please put Ishita in the third line and after the class meet Principal Maam".Ma did as advised. After the dance practice, I tried sitting with new friends but they didn't talk to me today. On seeing me upset, Lipika came near to me and sat maintaining a distance and said "Ishita, today morning in class all other children decided to stay away from you because their ma told that you are dirty, you don't take birth ? do you pick nosy ? ". I said "No, I take a bath every morning and my ma cleans my nosy during bath and I also apply shower to shower powder, I am not dirty". Lipika left my seat confused leaving me confused as well. As soon as the class ended I went to the staff room in search of ma but could not see her there so I went to the principal ma'am's room. I could hear "Pakhi, I got complaints from other parents that if you keep your daughter in the first line, the pictures of their kids won't come good, you are being biased. "Principal Ma'am, firstly I brought Ishita to the first line because she dances well and I am not saying this because she is my daughter ". I felt so happy because Ma never praises me. I was sipping water from the bottle and enjoying Ma praising when Principal ma'am continued "Pakhi, the parents said Ishita is very dark-skinned. She. does not look good to be a butterfly in the dance, I still agreed because she is your daughter but you placing her in the first line is just not acceptable". After hearing this conversation, I blanked out. In the village also everyone used to tease me as "ei kalo meye( hey dark girl) ".I am Ishita. Dark skinned, boys cut hair, white big eyes, white teeth, white nails, white palms. In darkness only the white parts were visible and people used to laugh at it. Till now I thought I was funny but today I realized that being dark-skinned was Dirty!! I had no idea what happened after that in Principal madam's room. I returned with Ma. She realized I had heard the conversation. Ma told, "you will dance in the first row not because you are my daughter or because no one else wants you there so it's like a challenge, you will remain dancing in the first line till the day you remember the dance steps and you do it well." I practiced more, performed as a butterfly in the first line and Ma was very proud. Alls well that ends well --- are lines from storybooks but life is not a storybook and it does not end so soon. A part of my heart broke after that day, maybe I cant explain anyone else ever but a new seed of insecurity was sowed inside the fragile heart of 3 years old Ishita. Maybe I don't belong here!