the whole word and you ~soukoku~

sweater

'it was always you,,falling for me'

_____________

october 12th, 2019

dazai was good at a lot of things. he was good at science, soccer, and talking to girls. he was good at making me feel sick to my stomach without even trying. he was good at being my best friend since childhood. but in this moment all i could think of was how good he was at kissing.

we had gotten back from one of his games. it was freezing out, barely 30 degrees. and the wind was stabbing at my face, making my cheeks burn.

he gave me his sweater. he always gave me his sweater. and they were always too big on me, reaching far past my numbed fingers. but each time he would carefully roll up the sleeves for me, mocking my height, or pale skin as he did so. and he would always smile his crooked grin at me after he was done, like he was some sort of prince charming. and i always kept his sweaters, 'forgetting' to return them, until he would find one on my floor and take it back.

our tradition of having a sleepover after each of his games dated back to freshman year, and was kept going since.

dazai loved my house and spent all his waking time invading my personal space. my mom and i had a rundown house with a pond in the back. he called it the cottage, and we would build faerie houses and set them outside. or dazai would try to catch frogs while i would read quietly. so it became a silent deal that we would gather at my small house during hangouts.

my mom bought us bunk beds when we were in the 5th grade. and the faded wood, that had our names carved into it too many times to count, still sat in the corner of my room. dazai was too tall to sleep in the twin sized bed by now. but he still stuck himself on the lower bed every time he slept over, and draped his legs of the edge of the bed. and i always claimed the top bunk fitting easily. sometimes he would climb up with me, and our legs would tangle as we got lost in the movie.

that night seemed tenser than usual. they had lost their first game and dazai had a few drinks with his team before coming to my place.he was in no way drunk, hardly even tipsy but he was acting normal, still laughing and joking, but i could tell he was frustrated.

i beconded him up to the top bunk, insisting we rewatch the avatar movies from when we were young. he grabbed the remote to my tv before climbing up the old ladder to where i was sitting. i scootched over making room for him to sit comfortably. he crawled under the covers sighing as he finally leaned back onto my pillows.

"that game was ass. i wanted to punch number seventeen in the teeth so badly."

i looked over at him. his face was focusing on the tv screen as he typed the keywords into the netflix search bar.

he nudged me in the side, showing he found the show. i returned his smile before sinking further down into my bed.

i glanced up to see him frowning down at me.

"i cant help but be stressed about loosing the game tonight." he said before swiping my bangs out of my eyes. i blinked up at him unaware of what he wanted me to say.

"but being here with you makes me nearly forget about everything. youre my escape." he laughed.

I opened my mouth, ready to tell him to shut up, before he interrupted me.

"it also helps when i get  to see how cute you look in my sweater. way better than i look." he smiled down at me again, not even embarrassed to have told me that. he also didnt have to tell me that my cheeks were bright red. because i could feel it myself.

i covered my face with the big fabric of his hoodie, groaning.

"dont say stuff like that dazai. its embarrassing."

he hummed before slouching down until his face was level with mine.

this time he whispered, as if he was scared of someone else hearing "but chuuya, its true. youre prettier than anyone ive ever seen."

i couldnt even look away from him, only stare at his deep eyes, horrified. i swallowed thickly, before closing my eyes. even though i was embarrassed i felt comfortable next to dazai. his long hair tickled my face and i could smell the familiar laundry detergent on his tee shirt.

i reached out to trace his features. starting with the slope of his nose, dragging my finger down along his jaw. and he closed his eyes and sunk into my touch.

i bit my lip, resting my hand on his cheek, forgetting the awkwardness and letting myself forget about my uncertainty.

when he opened his eyes again his face seemed closer than before. his forehead only inches from mine.

it felt so natural when his lips crashed into mine. the kiss soft and sweet. i knew this wasnt his first kiss, but it was mine.

he only pulled away when we were out of breath. my eyebrows furrowed as i removed my hand from his cheek. and i hate to say i missed the feeling of his lips on mine.

he looked at me again, the tv lighting up his face. his face held a smirk and before I could even process the smile on his face he was already moving. i whipped my head forward as he climbed on top of my legs, pressing my wrists down onto the bed harshly before connecting his lips back onto mine.

his knee was placed between my legs, with both hands on top of mine, holding himself up.

this kiss felt different from the one before. more intense. my head was being pressed back into the bed harshly, as he nipped at my bottom lip needily.

i could feel the whine at the back of my throat as his tongue explored my mouth. his hands were gripping my wrists harder the more intense it got. and i could feel the heat from his body on mine.

the intro the the avatar a slight mumble, seemingly unheard as i fell apart.

but after all,,i knew this meant more to me, than it ever would to him.