Miracle (boyxboy)

Chapter Thirty-Four

He'd left me.

I sat on the sofa in the living room, staring at the formula simmering on the coffee table. Oh God, what had I just done? Ezra had been so freaked out by the way I'd come on to him, he'd walked out. What had I been thinking?

My eyes spilled over a couple of times, because I couldn't seem to get my heart rate under control. I'd heard the door lock as he left, but here I was in his apartment alone, with my blood pumping a mile a minute and my unfulfilled arousal a likely siren song to every Nephilim in this damn building. If anybody decided to bust down the door right now, I had no hope of stopping them.

I'm sorry, I thought to Ezra desperately. I didn't mean to do that. I wanted to beg him to come back, but that wouldn't be fair. I was a pheromone bomb right now. All I could do was sit here, tears streaking my face, and pray. Please don't be mad. Please, I... I won't do it again.

I was such an asshole. I'd chased Ezra out of his own home. After everything he'd done for me, I'd tried to exploit his biological weakness for my Eljo pheromones. But he didn't like me that way, any more than I liked the Swan. If the Swan had done something like this while I was living in his house, I'd have felt so humiliated. So disgusted with myself, and with him too. And there's no way I'd have been able to hold myself back like Ezra just did.

Wasn't this the same thing I'd done to Pete? Using my body's screwed up chemistry to lure someone who wasn't actually into me. Not only had I failed to learn my lesson the first time, I'd pushed it even farther. And I'd done it to the most important person in my life.

Fuck.

I stumbled back down the hall, found my cell phone, and dialed.

"Hey, bubba!"

"Maddy." I sank into a crouch on the bedroom carpet, holding the phone hard to my ear.

"Connor? Are you okay? What's the matter?"

"I screwed up, Maddy. I really fucking screwed up, and now he's gone, and I don't know what to do."

"Whoa, back up a sec. Who's gone? Ezra?"

"Yeah." I smeared my teary face on the knee of my sweatpants, then dropped back onto my butt on the floor.

"Where are you?"

"At home. His home, I mean, I— I don't know, maybe he won't be letting me stay here anymore."

"You're there alone?"

"I told you, he left."

"That bastard, he's the one who said it was dangerous for you to be there by yourself."

"It's not his fault. I... I kissed him."

"Dude! Seriously?" She squealed so loudly I had to pull the phone away from my ear. "Dang, bubba, good for you!"

"No, this is bad. Really bad! I'm Eljo!"

"So what? That just makes it hotter."

"No! Ezra, he... He doesn't think of me like that. And I knew that, but still, I— And he was so upset. He stopped me, and I know it was awful for him, and now he's gone and I... God, fuck, what am I going to do?"

"Hey. Hey, calm down."

"He says he can't love me, Maddy." I don't think I'd realized, until I heard myself sob a little, that it was what hurt the most.

She got quiet for a minute. "Well... I mean, Ms. Alorel says Nephilim fall in love with whoever they marry. Like, human emotions are complicated, and we fall in and out of love all the time for all sorts of stupid reasons. But for Nephilim it's this mental switch that flips when they get married. They fall for their Brides, hardcore. Doesn't matter who she is, what she looks like, what her flaws are, they're gonna adore her for the rest of their lives. Long after she dies, even. But because of that, and because survival of their species is such a big deal, the law only lets them marry Elioud."