A cscoop fanfic ;)

Pt.8 ~ relapse...

     Yn pov:

          I woke up but everything was still dark, I felt someone's arm wrapped around me. I turned over and saw cooper sleeping peacefully, 'what a hottie' I thought to myself giggling and sat up. I checked the time on my phone and read that it said 4:56. 'Why am I up this early?' I didn't remember what time I slept last night, if it was even night. I decided I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep so I got up and walked to the bathroom. I locked the door and sat on the floor. "What am I gonna do?" I asked myself in a whisper.

(⚠️WARNING⚠️ MENTIONS OF DEATH, ANXIETY AND SELF HARM)

        All of a sudden this wave of emotions over came me, I couldn't breath, I was having a panic attack but I don't cope with these well. The only way I knew that would actually help me was putting headphones on and listening to my music on blast, but of course I didn't have my phone. I tried to steady my breathing and stood up, but I couldn't. Everything began to look blurry and felt like I was gonna pass out, but I wouldn't let myself, not this early. I couldn't stop thinking about the incident, my sister, my mom, me. How it was my fault, how I could have saved them, but didn't. How I was the only survivor. I cried and turned the faucet on so nobody would hear me. I cried my eyes out and curled myself in a ball.

        After 10-20 minutes my breathing began to steady and I stopped crying. I looked up at the mirror. "You bitch, you could have done so much" I said to myself with gritted teeth. I couldn't take it anymore, I rummaged threw my cabinet, not caring about the noise I was making. I reached for my little black box and opened it. There they where, in all there glory. I picked one of the razors up and pulled my pants down enough for me to have access to my thighs. I let a tear drop from my eye. "To feel a little of what you guys felt.." I whispered as I looked up at the ceiling. I did the first cut and sighed.

            I continued with these actions on both legs before deciding I couldn't take it anymore. "What have I done?" I whispered to myself. I had been clean for over a month, I don't understand..WHY?!? I really am a dumb bitch. I grabbed tissues and cleaned the blood, I grabbed bandages from under the sink and put them on my legs. I felt weak, I didnt know how I would explain if someone where to find out. "Fuck..." I whispered to myself as I pulled my pants up and put in eye drops.

( ⚠️END OF WARNING ⚠️ )

         I walked out of the bathroom and into my room to grab my phone. I quietly walked in and unplugged it, I then went downstairs and sat on the couch. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to go on my phone... I turned the tv on and looked for a movie to watch. I put netflix and looked in my list. I decided to watch "Mara" (scary movie) I wasn't really bothered by them, there my favorite movie genre besides thriller.

        Around half way threw the movie I heard someone come downstairs. "Goodmorning" i heard, it was noah. "Hi, I'm watching a movie" I said as I pointed at the tv. "Wanna watch it with me?" I asked him. "Sure, let me just make my coffee" he replied. "Ok, I'll pause it for you" I said, I waited for him staring at the screen, scared he would find out about what happened this morning. "So, what movie is this?" He asked as he sat next to me. "Umm, It's called mara, It's a scary movie" I said. "A scary movie in the morning? There for the night though" he said and looked at the screen. "Oh, yeah I know" I said and unpaused the tv.

          For the rest of the movie we kept a distance and watched the movie with the curtains covered. "Hey guys" I heard from behind us. "Hi coop" I said and got up to walk over to him. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "did you just wake up?" I asked him. "Yeah, what time did you wake up?" He asked me as he hugged me. "Early, a little to early.." I said and pulled him into the kitchen. "Me and noah where watching a movie but it just finished" I said as I looked in the fridge for something to make. "Do you want to go out for breakfast?" I asked him. "Sure, with every one else?" He asked. "Yeah, well if they want" I said and walked up the stairs as he followed.