Can I Salvage Volume 1: ALRs Poetry

Poem 10

ALR version word for word prior (possible) salvation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'M NOT LIKE THE MOON
I'm not like the moon.
I won't shimmer in the dark and make you look at me in astonish.
I don't come with my hair in place.
My makeup is oddly uneven through the days.
I can be a mess, all my pieces scattered throughout.
My mood changes like the seasons.
I'm not beautiful like the bottom of a tropical ocean.
I'm not always soft like the satin sheets I'll moan in.
I come with uncomfortable flaws that were sewn together to create a basket full of insecurities.
I'm keeping secrets to protect my name.
I've gone too long, nothing stays the same.
I'm not like the moon.
I don't give this world a feeling of joy nor peace.
I skip showers, I'm too early.
I run out of steam, I'm too lazy.
My health is shaky and my mental stability is rocky.
My emotions are a tangled, unknown game.
I don't always get dressed, sometimes I want to lay on a mattress full of shames.
I chase love like I'm chasing a dream.
I have walls up like I'm blocking out a monster.
I'm not like the moon.
I'm afraid of what's in the dark.
I'm not intelligent like a roses shape.
My talents are low, almost misplaced.
Sometimes I wish I was wearing a beautiful mask.
I'm carrying 405 pouds if body- longing for the feeling of being pretty.
The mirror is my enemy.
I stuff my face with calories when I'm feeling abandoned.
I blame my appearance for everything that's been shattered.
I'm constantly sensitive, thinking everyone's out to get me.
I'll question every truth you throw, wondering if they're just easy statements.
My clothes don't always match.
I make a scene when I'm feeling ugly.
I have tear streaked cheeks.
My scrars, physically and mentally, will always haunt me.
I'm the artwork of someone who wanted to make a bunch of imperfections.
Can I be like the moon?
Gorgeous, yet oddly positioned.
Gentle, but dtrongly believed in.
Bright, but still mysterious.
Perfect, yet imprinted as not.
I'm not like the moon.
The moon is chasing the night like it's chasing a reason.
I'm a girl chasing love like I'm chasing a dream.
-ALR (May 2015)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My possible and hopefully better salvation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The moon, gorgeous, mysterious, a gem in the night
It's all I am not and more
I am a mess personified, a jumbled clump of flaws
I'm an open book but all the words make no sense
Hiding secrets between the lines, changing like the seasons
Nothing stays the same, joy eventually fades
Skipping showers, running out of steam, too lazy to do anything
My health is on the rocks, but I don't seem to care
Laying in bed for days, chasing broken dreams
I'm not pretty and I'm not smart, my talents far and few between
Unable to procure a mask to hide my shame
405 pounds of fat, longing for the feeling of being pretty
But never taking steps to reach that goal, always making excuses to be lazy
The mirror is my enemy, and the camera is too
Stuffing my face for all to see, just for some validation for a day
Overly paranoid, thinking everyone's out to get me
Throwing a tantrum when I feel ugly
Tear stained cheeks, scarred and marred body
I'm the artwork of my own hand, I made who I am
Yet I blame everyone around me
I'm just a girl chasing love, like I'm chasing a dream
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
haha I like this comment, shortened for lazy purposes, "chase reasons? do you mean reisen, the chocolate" I like it lmao.
while yes the moon is pretty and all but, it's not that great, yes we need it to help the planet do the function thingy and it looks cool occasionally, it's not that great. I noticed some blaming and wishing for things that were caused by ones own hand and thus can be fixed by ones own hand, but between then and now I have seen no actions towards fixing things. depression is rough, I get it, I understand it's not that easy, I know cause I have depression, but using depression as a scapegoat to not take the first step towards bettering oneself and climbing that rocky hill, that's not okay. my depression keeps me in bed quite a bit, but I at least try not to skip showers and let my room become a neckbeard den. I'll work up the energy, get my ass up, and clean if it starts getting bad.
comparing yourself to the moon is also ridiculous cause, and I'll say it again, it's not that great. I'll also say this again, ALR uses flowery language for the sake of sounding poetic, there is no rhythmic flow, just words and lines mashed together. granted some lines are good, but either misplaced or worded badly.
so, as you my dear reader may have noticed, I worded some parts to fit how our gorl amber is living, if the poem is like this, describing oneself a bit and saying how they want to be something else, but never work towards it, I will change some of it to fit the current narrative. woop dee doo I want to commit not alive, quarantine is killing me