Cruel Summer

Seal My Fate

"And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate.

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

'I love you'--ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

It had been two nights since Jude saw Cardan sitting in the meadow that lay dangerously close to Madoc's estate. Though they had seen each other at classes since then, not a glance had been exchanged that may indicate a meeting between them. No matter how unplanned and awkward, Jude still felt like it was a secret she had and was afraid to share.

Why had he been reading a children's book? Why did he seem so hesitant to let her go? Jude knew that there were rational reasons that would match up with his character. He was reading the Wizard of Oz to mock it, obviously, maybe even tearing up pages as he went. And he wanted her to stay—because isn't that what he implied by saying she could?--for his own amusement at her discomfort. Yet even with this knowledge, Jude couldn't shake the feeling that came with her memories of the late-night connection. The way her heart beat when remembering his long fingers grasping her wrist was treacherous, and the way his dark eyes still seared into her memory was revolting. Jude was sure Cardan felt the same.

In the days and night since, Jude had made an effort to forget it had happened. She stayed in her room at night, trying find a comfortable place to draw to replace the one she had lost. But as dawn approached almost a week from that night, Jude gave up. She was sure that at the sight of her he had fled the other direction, and it was likely he wouldn't come back. So she grabbed a brown cloak, a shoulder bag full of bread and fruit, and crawled out her window to return to the spot that was rightfully hers.

All the way to the meadow—about a ten minute walk from the house—Jude reasoned with herself. He wasn't there, of course he wasn't. And even if he was, maybe she could give him a piece of her mind. Convince him to leave. Or simply disgrace him with her mortal presence until he was forced to leave in disgust.

These thoughts should have comforted her, but the thought of emerging through the saplings and seeing him made her stomach twist in something like fear. Not quite fear, but something like it.

Jude's thoughts were so occupied with imagining their reunion that she was almost convinced it was a figment of her imagination when she saw a dark haired boy sitting on the lush grass reading the same goddamn book from before.

"Oh, come on!" Jude groaned, loud enough that the boy looked up from his story with a wicked grin.

"Finally come to join me, dear Jude?" Cardan asked her, shutting his book and moving it beside him inconspicuously. "I've been so lonely without anyone to chase through the woods."

"Lucky you," Jude said, still standing in place. She should turn around. She should stay just to spite him. She should do something.

Cardan remained staring at her in the most unreadable way, the tiniest laugh falling out of his lips. "My offer still stands," he said smoothly, "if you would like to join me."

Jude snorted. "How gracious. Lucky for you, I would like nothing more than to bother you." With that, she marched over to a spot a short distance from him, close enough to watch but far enough to react in case of some trick or attack.

Jude pulled the hood from her head and let the length of her coat act as a blanket for her bum as she sat down, protected from the dew forming on the grass. Out of the bag she pulled pieces of parchment she was sketching on—flora and fauna she remembered from the mortal world as well as the more irregular shapes from Faerie. She has added the rough sketch of reflection to an apple when she felt eyes on her neck.

Jude immediately snapped up and held her parchment behind her back, shocked to find Cardan standing directly behind where she was just sitting. When had he moved? How long had he been watching her?

"I didn't know you could draw," he said quietly, almost dangerously. "Your star charts have always been...average. I had no idea you could do something more."

Jude wasn't sure what to say, and so she said nothing.

"Can I see more?" Cardan asked. Jude opened her mouth to say no, expecting a trick, but he responded before she could answer herself. "I'm simply curious, Jude. Don't look so defensive."

Jude dug her boot further into the ground and held out the parchments to Cardan, trying to steady the shake in her head. She didn't pride herself on her art, not really, but it still felt like something too personal to give to Cardan. The threat of his maliciousness lingered in the air between them as he shuffled through the papers, eyes scanning the charcoal lines and curves decorating them.

"These are good, Jude," Cardan told her before handing them back. She didn't respond and instead searched his eyes, his voice, for any trace of maliciousness. It couldn't be a compliment, but...he actually thought they were good.

"Thanks," she finally choked out, kneeling to stuff them back into her bag.

Much to her dismay, Cardan sat where he was previously standing. In her spot.

"Don't you have better places to spend your sleepless nights?" Jude asked. "Like in your bed, in Nicasia's bed, in any other meadow but the one by my house?"

"I probably do," Cardan answered simply. "But I like this one."

"I think you just like getting under my skin."

"You wouldn't be wrong in that assumptions, either." Hesitantly, Jude sat across from Cardan and looked between him and the book he had left in the grass.

"What...what is that?" she asked, gesturing to where the bound pages lay.

"Oh, nothing," Cardan answered, laughing. "Just some mortal story I use to remind myself how much better my life is than theirs."

Jude didn't respond to that, merely rolled her eyes. Instead, she pulled out an apple from the bag and wiped it on her skirt. Pausing to consider, she then took a second apple out and tossed it to Cardan.

"You know, throwing things at the prince is ill advised," he responded, catching the fruit. "But I'll accept it as a gift regardless."

Jude smirked at him and bit into her own apple, and they ate in silence. It was awkward, definitely, but the tension from before seemed to have disappeared in the fog rising around them. The sun had begun to peak its first beams across the horizon, and the sky was beginning to brighten to a deep lilac.

"Will you be coming here all the time, now?" Jude asked as she stood up and re-secured her hood.

Cardan looked around, then back up at her. "No."

"Okay." She dusted off some grass that was stuck her cloak and dress as the prince stood up. They stood close, closer than Jude had previously noticed, but the distance between them felt both suffocating and welcomed as she met his eyes. Their noses almost touched, stray hairs brushing above their heads. Cardan wasn't wearing any jewelry from his head or ears tonight, only drab travelling clothes.

"Okay," Jude repeated, before backing up and heading home. She didn't return to the meadow, and neither did Cardan.