Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier One Shots

Surrender

(Listen to Surrender by: Natalie Taylor while you read this one. When I first heard this song, I instantly thought of Bucky Barnes. It's beautiful and angsty and embodies everything that I wanted this one shot to be.) 

The sound of pattering rain as it fell upon the shingled roof above you, shook the walls with a strength, even though there was a softness hidden within the rain itself. For there was no thunder marking its tracks and no crackling lightening breaking up the dark sky, there was only a steady rainfall. One that blew against the window pane, and slid down the glass like freshly fallen tears. It was a soft sounding rain even as it poured heavily against the house you laid nestled inside of. For it was not an angry rain, but one of release. The sky had held back all the rain that it could for as long as it possibly could, but now as the clock turned to the very beginning of early morning hours, it felt relief as the downpour rushed from its looming grey clouds, and cried down upon the Earth. 

Your eyes watched each droplet as it raced against the others, fighting to be the first to disappear as it reached the sill. Just for it's trail to be replaced by a newly fallen raindrop. The room was dark as only the pale light of the cresent moon far in the distant lent a faint glow. Only a dim hue across the carpeting and touching just the base of your bed, as you layed on your side facing the closed window. You watched the rain fall from the dry safety of your bedroom, and still, somehow, your pillow grew damp beneath your resting head. The soft cotton case growing warm beneath the eyelashes of your left eye, as they swept like a paintbrush against the fabric. Painting the pale blue cotton with streaks of salt and sadness.  

Griping the thin sheets to your chest, the soft fabric crumpling within your strong grasp, you rolled onto you back. Your eyes drawing away from the sobbing sky and up towards the bare and bleak ceiling above you. The sound of the pouring rain was strong, and wasn't to be lost in the background, but as you laid there in the shadows, the sound of your beating heart began to drown out the flooding rush, with a thumping that echoed in your ears and in the deepest parts of your aching chest. And you realized as you stared up with weary eyes, that perhaps the sky didn't need thunder, for your heart provided all the heart-lurching booms the rainstorm could ever need. 

The bedroom felt silent as the rain flooded the roof like white noise, but within the soft blowing of the rain outside your window, you could hear the memory of heartbreaking words spoken as though the wind was whispering them back to you. Like someone had reached inside your aching heart and pulled out the conversation that plagued it, threw it to the wind, and let it swirl relentlessly around you. As you couldn't do anything but lay still, withstanding the storm of words that hurt just as the first time they were spoken from the one you loved. 

"Why won't you let me in?"

Without even blinking, as your eyes burned while they stared blankly up into the darkness, a single tear trickled out from the corner. And ever so slowly, as though to draw out the burning sensation upon your skin, it trailed down your face. The salty liquid soaked into your flesh with every centimeter it traveled, and yet all it did was leave a trail behind. One that stung with the warmth of the tear and made your skin feel like someone had lit a match against you. It made your skin feel tightened in it's path, like Paper Mache laid to dry. 

"Because why would I willingly let you into the demons in my head?"

A deep exhale escaped you as your faintly trembling lips parted slightly, and the tears in your eyes transformed into tears in your throat. Wrapping around your neck and forcing the air out of your lungs. Your chest burned and your throat felt swollen with the lumps lining the back of it. It felt as though you were right back in that moment, the one when the words haunting your mind were being said for the very first time. For the hurt rose in your chest and the desperation you felt as you cried out to him, you could feel it again. You could hear it again, echoing relentlessly inside of your ears.