Life Ain't Always Easy

Chapter Sixteen

"We need to talk."

Jax looked over his shoulder at Carrie standing in the bedroom doorway, pausing on putting his shoes on. Dreading those four words. As nothing good ever came with them. A least, not when a woman said them and by the look on Carrie's face, he knew he wouldn't like the direction it led them.

"What's going on?" He questioned standing up and moving around the bed, coming to a stop in front of her. Reaching out to pull her closer, but she pulled back and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Let's move this conversation out of the bedroom," Carrie motioned for Jax to follow her. Both of them were silent as they moved down the small corridor and into the living room. Before Carrie turned to face him as he sat on the couch arm in front of her. "What are we doing Jax? Where do we go from here?"

"Babe, last night was pretty obvious," Jax pointed out. Reaching for her and once again having her resist, as she took a small step back. "Are you regretting it?"

Carrie looked away, before shaking her head, stepping forward a little. Not quite as close as he wanted but not as far away from him as before. "No, last night was something different. I've never-" Carrie began to say before cutting herself off. Fearing that she was the only one who felt that way about last night. Not knowing if he had felt how intense or amazing it had been, given his reputation.

"I know what you mean darling. I haven't felt something like that in a while, if ever," Jax said, admitting it aloud. Realizing that he wasn't the only one who noticed the difference in last night compared to others he had. Yet he couldn't help but feeling guilty because even though he had loved Tara and possibly still did. He had never felt something like what he had felt with Carrie.

"Then what does that mean for us?" Carrie asked, not wanting to come off as clingy or desperate. But she wanted answers because she wasn't going to degrade herself to just some hookup. Or be another notch on his bed. She wasn't some whore he could use and then dump aside when it was convenient for him.

"Honestly?" Jax looked up at her as she nodded. Waiting on his answer, but he found himself unable to fully answer it. "I don't know. Like I said last night, I care about you, I really do but-"

"But Tara being back has you feeling confused. You don't know what you want anymore." Carrie cut him off and voiced the words straight out of his mouth.

"Mine and Tara's relationship now is based off what it was when we were kids. I don't know who she is now, we both grew up and changed into different people."

"If you feel that way then why would you sleep with her? Why not just go your separate ways?"

"It's not that simple to figure out or answer," Jax sighed in frustration. "Yeah it ended bad and I hit rock bottom, spiraling out of control. Half of the shit I did I can't even remember. But me and her were pretty deeply in love back then. The type where you feel like dying because you're not with that person anymore."

"Well she apparently didn't feel that way. Since she went and did well for herself."

"She always wanted to do well for herself. She wanted to get out of here and she wanted me to go with her but I'm the one that didn't want to leave."

Jax sighed, running his hands down his face. "If we're ever going to make something work between us, you have to know and understand that the club is my life. It's my legacy, and the same goes for Opie, Donna knew that when she got with him. Now you can see how her hatred for the club is starting to tear them apart."

"Look, my father started this club alongside Piney. It's in our blood, we don't know how to live without it. I don't think it'd be possible to live a life without it and that's something that Tara didn't get and I don't think she ever will," Jax said, muttering the last part to himself.