Bayou

Chapter 16 ~ Pure

Chapter 16

That night, after an extra-large feast from Julia and a blessedly hot bath, the house was silent, and all the world was asleep apart from me.

I lay on the couch, staring at the grooves and marks that lined the wood beams above my head, thinking. Two days in a row I'd crossed the line I'd drawn between myself and Croc, and it was becoming harder to justify why I needed to stay on my side. He'd evolved, changed so much it was difficult to remember he was the same man we'd met upon arrival.

He'd gone from incomplete sentences to poetic wisdoms; caveman to Casanova, dirty to polished. My line had no chance against him. It was mere chalk on a sidewalk, and his touch was a torrential downpour, blurring the edges. If I didn't stop this soon, it'd wash away. I needed that line; for him, for myself. I didn't want to be a test. I didn't want my body used again in the name of knowledge. But then Croc stood next to Danny, and the line blurred more. They weren't the same. It wasn't the same.

I chewed my lip and focused on a specific point in the ceiling. He was like a boy when we'd arrived. He'd been left to fend for himself and miss out on all the experiences that came along with growing up. It would be unfair for me to take advantage of that. He was gorgeous, caring, great with kids, protective, funny.

What if a day came when we were forced to leave, and I'd allowed myself to pretend that I deserved him? What if he meets others and sees the truth? I'm not extraordinary. I'm an orphan. I have the most basic education and no real talents. My hair is like mud, my eyes sludge. My hips are a little too wide. My breasts are a little too small. I'd soiled my virtue more than once, and I'd sold my soul to countless devils like Danny.

I was a used car, a junker, and I wasn't prepared to deal with being cast aside the minute Croc found out there were newer, shinier things for him to test drive.

There it was. The truth. It couldn't happen. I couldn't let it. Croc had done so much for us. Our protection came before anything, and if I ever wanted to look myself in the mirror again, I needed to do the same for him...and myself.

🐊🐊🐊

I awoke refreshed, resolved, and clear enough to realize that imaginary lines would never be enough to make me do the right thing. The truth was, I'd never been good. It didn't matter that they'd pumped me full of garbage. I'd been trash since I was cast aside as a baby, and there were only a few instances in which I was proud of myself: every night the raids had passed Merle and Julia's house, and the night I'd saved the children.

That was the answer. If I wanted to be a good person who did good things, I needed to stop keeping a distance and start focusing on the ones who needed me most. Eve and Eric.

They were better than any line I could draw. Not only could I rest assured that I was having a positive impact on what little life I had to live, I also didn't have to worry about slipping down any forbidden rabbit holes with two tiny witnesses around to chaperone.

When Croc asked me if I was ready to learn to swim, I easily agreed and gathered the children to come with us. They had the same new skill, after all, and knowing how to use it could only help them should a situation arise where they needed to hide.

Of course, he agreed. He'd fallen even harder for them than I could ever imagine he had for me, and both kids squealed in excitement when we shared our plans with them.

We swam in the water out front, allowing Julia an opportunity to watch. This, unfortunately, gave Danny the same opportunity.

He sat against a tree, the same spot he was forced to eat and sleep, and his attention was fixated on the four of us.