Because Of Me

Chapter 2 - Fault

Fourteen year old girl, whose father has disappeared, leaving behind a family of four, including two little sisters and her mum, carried the responsibility of taking care of her two younger sisters at a very young age, taking care of them, cooking for them and ensuring their safety, thought nothing she does receives a reward.

"SAKURA PARIS, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!” screams my Mother.

I simply reply with a yes, which of course she doesn’t hear me say yes and says my full name a couple more times, louder and louder, creating earthquakes and cyclones. I hate her. With her screaming louder and louder, I have to reply with a louder voice, maybe that is why I hardly talk at school, to protect my voice so I have the voice to reply in such loud voice.

After a million times of screaming back at each other, my mother explodes, screaming, shouting, hitting, a full two hour lecture of nothing, nothing of what she says goes in my ear, no matter what she says I stare right in her eyes, blank. Expressionless. Heartless. Watching her mouth move and my daydreaming world beginning. Although she rages and screams every day, insulting me for the past seven years, she somehow expects me to start crying when she starts swearing at me.

Mask. The first one I made was to cover my expressions. I hated it. No one understands me. That’s what I always thought.

"The dishes are terribly washed incorrectly and still has stains on it", mother says.

Those were washed from last night, my second younger sister eats a lot every day, night to day, day to night, and I have always wondered when she will get full, fat. She even admitted a few times, her personality is horrible, you would somehow want to punch or kill her whenever she starts talking, whenever it is, wherever it is, her mouth is poison. A few times I wanted to kill her, no punch her, like whatever it is, I want her, to just the hell up.

And so she doesn’t want to get into trouble when she eats, she would secretly, just like a mouse, crawl across the cold, hard floor, finding leftovers and nibbling on food, then secretly washing it and putting it back.

She is spoiled, though not as spoiled as my smallest sister. I don’t even know where to begin for her, she is so annoying, but moving back to my second sister.

She doesn’t do chores, as she is half spoiled, lazy and basically like a fat mouse, eating. She washing the dishes is never clean, but my mother never knows, I found her really stupid.

Claiming to be getting good grades when she went to school, like seriously that was like twenty years ago, you have forgotten everything anyways. I somehow knew straight away that it was her getting the leftover food and making other foods in the food cabinet, then secretly washing them, I know it’s her, I just know, though that’s what goes through my head, that second youngest spoiled sister.

Mother, has been insulting my life, my existence, my very soul for the past two hours, standing on the cold, hard floor, both legs frozen like a popsicle, and tears of tiredness comes out, I start to lose my patient. Though sometimes I think she is waiting for me to explode, since I’m one of the people that has ever screamed back right at her, the eldest daughter.

"You are so freaken dumb and stupid, why can't you be like your sisters and be smart, I never wanted a stupid daughter like you, wasting my food and money and taking up space in my house!", screams my mother.

From here I lose my patients and starts screaming at her, without thinking, just straight from my brain and saying it out from my mouth.

"If you think I can study and be smarter then why don't you tell the others to do chores as well, I have taken responsibility of taking care of them when I was seven, I pack their toys, cook for them and I do everything you tell me to, what the hell do you expect from me?" I scream, right in her face, staring straight in her eyes, feeling a bowl of fire in my heart and eyes, losing my patients and exploding, not everything though, it won't fit in this very day, it will take a long time till I can say what I really want to say, straight from my heart.

"You’re the eldest daughter, you have to take responsibility to take care of them, just like I did when I took care of my two younger brothers, receiving rewards and them treating you better as they grow up!" she screams right in front of my face, maybe she is trying to scare me but I look her emotionless, the facial reaction that she hates the most.

"Fine!, you said the eldest, I’m sorry mother, you have the most authority in this house right now after him disappearing, why don’t you clean this house yourself and clean these flipping dishes yourself until your satisfied, oh yeah and during that process why don’t you think about the things you have misunderstand for the past seven year and don't spoil those sisters so much", I scream back.

I was trembling in fear, her face went red, bright as a tomato, you can tell she is trying to think of things to say, I simply went into my room, took my purse with my phone, laptop and some cash and just walked out the door...