The Struggle {ON PERMANENT HIATUS}

Chapter Five, 'I wanted more'.

Chapter Five

Bruce and I were still kissing when, suddenly, the realisation of what I was doing came down on me like a ton of bricks.

I pulled away, and turned around, walking away a couple of steps, pulling my hands through my hair. 

“What’s wrong, Suzanne?” Bruce asked me, coming up behind me, and placing his hands on my hips, pressing his lips into my hair. I closed my eyes for a second, before stepping away again, and turning around to face him.

“I think there’s something wrong with me. Actually I don’t think, I know there’s something wrong with me.” I answered his question truthfully.

“What are you talking about?”

“What’s going on here, Bruce? You’re in love with Rachel, or so you say, but you just kissed me like…” I trailed off, hoping he wouldn’t actually press the point I was making and would let my cut-off sentence go.

“Like what?”

“You know like what!” I hissed at him.

“No I don’t. You tell me!”

“The way that you kissed me is the way a guy kisses his girlfriend if he actually likes her. We’re not a couple! I can’t be part of a couple! Especially not with you!” I pretty much shouted the last thing at him, and almost regretted it when I saw the hurt in his eyes.

“Why not?”

“You’re in love with someone, Bruce,” I said, my voice sounded tired but softer than before. “You can’t expect me to just overlook that! No matter how far we take whatever this is, you’re still going to be in love with Rachel, and I won’t pretend to be okay with that. I respect myself more than that, Bruce, so I think you should just take me home now.”

“Come on, Suzie, don’t be like this!”

“I’m not arguing anymore, Bruce, just take me home.”

“Why are you doing this?” Bruce asked me.

“What am I doing?” I quizzed him, incredulous. I’m not the one who keeps pushing some sort of relationship on him!

“Why are you distancing yourself from your emotions? You’re not doing this because you don’t want to be with someone who’s still hung up on another woman, you’re doing this because you’re scared!” Bruce shouted at me, and I have to admit that he was hot when he was angry. His hands were shaking because of how angry he was, and his eyes were burning. His intense stare seriously made me want to forget I had just rejected his advances, and pounce on him. Selina would of.

“Bruce, I’m not in the right place for a relationship. I’m not scared of you, or of being with you. I’m simply not ready to be in a relationship.”

“Why not?” Bruce demanded.

I turned my back on him, and started to walk away.