"C'mon, Luke, you'll have a great time," I beg Luke to come to the mall with me.
"That's what you always say, but never happens," Luke groans just like any other day when I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do.
"Trust me, today is different and you will have fun," I urge him on to come along with me. I don't like going to the mall alone. I always need to be with someone wherever I go; it's my personality.
Typically, yes, Luke wouldn't have fun at all shopping with me. But today I am not shopping for just anything, something more specific. I'm going to my favorite store, Victoria's Secret to go bra shopping.
This is what I think would interest Luke if he decides to come along. I don't want to tell him that I'm going here. I want it to be a gift, a reward, even. If he decides to join me I will let him stay in the dressing room.
"Luke, you know how I don't like going all alone to places."
"Why don't you ask one of your friends to go with you," he insists on not going.
"Luke, honey, I think you and I both know I have no friends. Besides you of course, my boyfriend."
He rolls his eyes, standing up from the couch and walking over to the kitchen counter to get the keys. "I'll be in the car," he moans.
----
"Okay, why exactly did you want to come to the mall?" Luke asks. Our fingers are intertwined together as we walk down the shopping center.
"I needed some things," I vaguely answer back.
Luke, since he towers me by almost a whole foot, looks down at me with a confused, yet curious face. "What do you mean by 'some things.'"
I stop walking a turn to the left. Victoria's Secret is now right in front of us.
"Some things," I repeat, seeing if he gets the memo. The store is right in front of us, he'd be stupid not to get the hint. Luckily he does, so I don't have to explain it to him. Trust me, it's happened multiple times.
"Oh shit. No, no, no, no, no!" Luke starts to whine. He never likes to come to Victoria's Secret with me because all he does is waits for me in the store, just siting down if he can find a chair.
I never felt comfortable with Luke coming into the dressing room with me because of my body. Yes, I'm very insecure but not because I think I'm fat. I know I'm not fat; that's not why though. I'm insecure because Luke's last girlfriend was a DD cup and skinny as hell. I'm a C cup and I feel like he wouldn't be happy of what he sees. I don't know it's complicated.
Luke and his ex broke up not to long ago: one year. People think one year is long, long far past, and that he can obviously move on and forget about everything like nothing ever happened, but it's not like that. It's like when you have a crush on someone for years. Soon enough, someone else comes along; but you still can't get that one person out of your head because of something they are attracted to.
Well I feel that Luke still might have something for his ex-girlfriend, regardless of what it might be.
I was scared Luke wouldn't like me for my appearance under my clothes
----
"Black or red?" I ask Luke, holding a black lace bra in one hand, and a red push-up bra in the other.
"I don't know, try both of them on," he answers me uninterested of shopping.
"Okay, come with me."
"What," confused, Luke looked up from his phone.
"Come with me." I grasp Luke's arm with my hand and pull him to the dressing rooms.
"Crystal, what do you mean 'come with me' ?" Luke's face is priceless. He's usually used to waiting for me to finishing trying on the clothing item then pays for it.
I ignore him as I walk into a small room with him. I lock the door after he walks in and give him a smirk.
"Crystal..."
"Shut up, Luke," I give him the hand and start undressing.
Teasingly, I slowly start to take my top tight black top off, revealing my bra push-up bra underneath. I was in need of a new one because, I don't know when, my boobs grew out of C a few weeks ago, and it is practically revealing my nipples.
I know Luke is trying not to look, but he is looking. I can feel his eyes burning on my back when I turn around to grab the black, lace bra. When I turn to face him again, he tries to play it cool by looking off into the mirror behind me. But no matter how hard he tries, it's obvious he was staring. Any guy who is into that stuff would stare; it's their thing.
He moves his eyes away from the mirror, up my body, scanning slowly, until the blue eyes reach mine. We look eye contact for a few seconds.
When I go to unhook the bra I am wearing now, he tries to keep his eyes glued to mine. He must feel like this is some sort of test, and I think we both know he is going to fail it.
Slowly, I pull the bra completely off, revealing my breasts and dropping the bra on the floor. I see Luke move his eyes off mine to face the wall on his right. Am I really being that provocative to him right now?
I start to try on my black-lace bra, and pretend none of what just happened with Luke took place. Luke is looking at me again, moving his eyes back and forth from my breasts and eyes. I see his lips turn into a smirk, and his teeth bite down on the pale lips.
I had some idea of what Luke was thinking, but I haven't know what it is exactly.
"I like that one, but then again I like everyone that has to do with you," Luke speaks up in his Aussie accent. Suddenly, he stands up and walks over to where I am standing. He lifts his hand and moves his finger on the outline of the front of the bra. "I really like the shape," he states. He continues to the same to the back of the bra.
"The shape of what," I creek out, but continue to ask, "my bra or my boobs?"
"Both." His fingers make my skin tingle and make my body shiver of his touch. It is a soft but meaningful touch; it's as if he is trying to tell me someone by using physical actions.
"Okay, let me try on the re--," I was cut off by Luke, the usual.
"Babe, I'm going to leave the dresser. I feel like I'm invading your privacy and I don't like it at all," he starts.
"Oh," I say. "So, wait, you're invading my privacy when I invited you into the dressing room?"
I hate when I do this. I hate it when I twist his questions. I twist his questions like I am trying to get all the water off a drenched shirt.
"I just, I don't know, Crystal. It feels strange and weird," Luke continues, moving his eyes away from my eyes as he speaks.
I open my mouth to speak, but quickly close it. I don't want to get an answer out of him. If he doesn't want to tell me why he feels strange and weird being in the same dressing room as me. He's seen me fully naked twice, though one time it was an uncalled-for accident for.
Luke stands up to leave, places a hand on the doorknob to pull the door open to exit. But he stops himself.
"You know I love you, right?" he spoke.
My eyes opened wide, looking up straight into those ocean blue eyes that I'm so fond of. He has never told me he loves me before. This is the first time.
I stay silent, not knowing what to say.
"I love you, Crystal," Luke continues.
"I love you too, Luke, but this is so sudden. Do you actually mean it or are you just saying it? I'm very confused," I ask him, curiosity on my face.
"I mean it," he says stepping closer to me and wrapping a hand around my torso. "I love you, baby. How could anyone not love you?"
I was at loss of words. "Love" is such a strange concept and emotion, but once you get to understand it, it's the most precious feeling in the world. Without it, we would be living in a world with just shades of gray.
I say nothing, remaining quiet. I'm just staring into his light, beautiful blue eyes. I can stare at them for ages. But Luke didn't want me to just stare at his eyes admiring them.
Luke smashes his lips onto mine, roaming my mouth with his tongue. Yes, the kiss is rough, but it has meaning to it. So Much Meaning.
