all of stanley barbers lines from "i am not ok with this"

episode 5

[whispers] hey! hey!— i need to talk to you.

uh—m—motherfucker!

uh—mr whitaker, sir—um, will there be a break, for snacks, or dinner?

[ exhales] hey, i'm really sorry—

i don't know guys, this gum has been here for decades, i don't think whitaker actually checks.
it's just a social experiment—like a simulation.

hey!

just don't listen to her...

oh..okay— so your talkin to me now?

oh!—wow!—interesting....

holy shit. what the hell happened?

why not?

hooooolllyyy shit.

well—we'd need a carpenter, or a miracle.

you're telling me—

we need that footage?— that's in dawson's office?

how much detention do you think they'd give us for breaking into the principals office?

okay—so the security recordings are in the principals office here— ugh, but it's gotta be locked. whitaker's probably the only one with a key, so that's—

okay!—okay, uh—just spitballing ideas here, but m-maybe you could distract the janitor, and steal his keys?

we-we need your help getting the keys to the principals office.

dead serious. it was right there in the library—we sixty-nined and everything.

the plan—it's quite simple. first, we distract whitaker— with burritos. i'm gonna put these in the microwave and blast these bad boys up on high—and then, whitaker will hear, and come runnin.

when he takes off from the teachers lounge, the coast will be clear—straight through to the principals office—and then, we make our move.
syd— you're the key man—key lady.

because, you're—good with your hands. ;)

dina— you're lookout. you keep eyes on whitaker. the burrito bomb should keep him busy for a while—that man can not resist a fire extinguisher—

...which will give us the time that we need to get in.

burrito bombs are disgusting—last time i set one off my whole house smelt like 💕✨bean farts✨💓

anything goes wrong—dina, you signal us.

and everyone—take cover.

it's fair, it's totally fair—can you think of a better one.?

our best hiding spot is probably gonna be behind the old trophy case.

[ whispers] okay...he's right there...

and—we wait!—for the smoke alarm.

that should buy us more time—which we will need—because they're are a shit ton of keys. like, a metric shit ton—it's ridiculous.

once we're in, we head straight for the security system in the closet—

and that's it!

whatever you do, do not panic—do not bail— or we are screwed.

it won't!

improvise!

oh my god, thank you dina.

and if all goes well—which it should— our sexcapade remains private, and nobody gets expelled.

oh, sweet jesus.

oh, i thought we were screwed.

[laughing]

oh...any takers?

oh yeah!

[exhales]

[laughing]

okay—so, now that i helped you steal the evidence that would put you in detention for a thousand years, can you tell me what happened in the library?

[ chuckles] i mean, to be fair—i've seen you move shit with your mind— so, crazy feels like a few notches down... you can tell me anything, you know that, right?

well..what do you mean?

so—who the hell was it?