𝓪𝓷 𝓸𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓵𝓾𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓫𝔂 | 𝘥𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶

𝓍. 𝑜𝒸𝓉𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇

It's startling to be reminded that in the end, Dazai Osamu is made of violence and glass shards, and that sometimes, there's ice in his veins and he smells like blood and fire.

When he is in her bed, in her arms, in her heart, it's easy to forget that he is not a collapsing star (supernova and she cannot look away), but a demon in his own context.

She supposes she is no better.

However, where she has always been bothered by the death she is forced to bring, Dazai is enamoured by seeing what he is unable to have.

It's...disconcerting.

"Does it bother you?" he asks her, head thrown back leisurly, like he isn't sitting at the edge of the rooftop of some old building in downtown Yokohama, the city glow dancing against his porcelain skin. "Does it bother you that even though I have you, I still crave death?"

He isn't even really looking at her, but she feels bare under the weight of his question. It's getting colder now, but it's nothing compared to sudden chill that sits rooted around her lungs, freezing the air within them so she cannot breathe.

Forcing herself to look away, she turns to the city instead-- her city. Yokohama is truly alive at night, a darker side to it that it wears like a mark of honor, owning itself with pride she almost envies.

"No," she says finally, surprising herself with the honesty. "I have never promised you a will to live. Such blessings are beyond my ability to grant."

"Oh?" Dazai is amused, inclining his head towards her slightly, mouth turned up in a tempting smirk. "You truly are one of a kind, dear Nightshade."

She snorts. "I am not your savior, Dazai. Not when I'm barely keeping myself above the water. I suppose I am only your escape."

It'd pain her, of course. Cause her so, so much pain if she were to lose him now, but she doesn't delude herself by thinking she can save him or that she's even allowed to. She isn't a hero, after all. She's merely a girl who finds some of herself in him, and maybe holds some of him within herself as well.

"No," he says thoughtfully, "not an escape. I don't come to you to run away from anything."

(Name) turns to him, finding him already looking contemplatively at her. "What keeps you here then?"

"Because you make me feel like I belong somewhere," he says finally, nodding to himself at this conclusion. "There's nowhere else I could possibly go if not by your side, is there?"

She holds her breath as he leans close, her insides twisting within her as she does all she can to hold his gaze, finding the lights of her city-- their city-- reflecting in his dark eyes and giving her a sense of vertigo that is forgotten the moment his mouth finds her own, chasing away any thought until she is only left with him.

"You're addicting," he murmurs, barely pulling away to do so, his fingers still twisted in her hair to keep her close. "This sense of belonging-- with you, to you, is addicting. I would spend forever drowning in it if I could."

Her heart is beating far too loudly for him not to hear it, and she knows he does when he kisses her again and she can feel his smirk, like he knows he's slowly unravelling her and is enjoying the process of driving her wild in the process.

If he were a month, he'd be October, she decides. Autumn is, after all, undoubtedly beautiful. However, it is the corpse of summer, and like Dazai, a killer of all that stands in its path.

"You'll be the death of me," is all she can manage to say in between reminding herself to breathe, the night feeling much colder now against her flushed skin.

Dazai looks pleased with himself for having managed to fluster her (it doesn't happen very often and he thinks it's a shame because she looks so very pretty with her kiss-swollen lips and darkened eyes and rosy cheeks). "I'd prefer it to be the other way around," he says frankly even though they both know it would probably destroy her if his blood was on her hands.

"Not if I can help it," she tells him resolutely.

He only hums, acknowledging her words briefly before asking, "What about you, Nightshade? Why do you engage in this connection of ours?"

(Name) shrugs, looking away and drawing her legs closer to herself. "With you, somehow, I feel more human than I ever have. My world is darker without you."

And it's strange, really, that she feels bound to this boy who weilds cruelty as easily as he steals her breath away and puts her among the stars. She wonders if she's stupid for trusting him sometimes, but while she may not agree with him all the time, she understands him and for that, they are bound to each other.

For better or for worse.