From the Ashes

[20] Allie

"He almost kissed me..."

"Yeah, I saw that! It was almost too precious to disturb. Almost."

"Oh, but Kait," I sigh, gazing at the sky with one hand pressed to my fluttering heart, and the other lightly touching my lips as I replay the moment that almost was over and over in my mind, "I wanted him to. God, I think I'm falling for him." Kaitlin sits up straight from where we lay leisurely in the grass in my back yard, giving me a look.

"Since when? You always would just sneer at the thought of him, baby cakes." I cover my face and groan, all these strong feelings making my heart drunk with excitement and my brain frantic with analytically discerning thoughts as it tries to dissect every aspect of what was going on here.

"I know... I think I just have a crush on him."

"Aren't you a little old to have a crush on someone?" Kaitlin giggles at me. I give her a pouty face.

"That's the best way I can think to put it! It's just a really strong infatuation..."

"There you go, you just thought of another way to put it, brain-o," she teases affectionately. There is a slight pause as she lies down on her back, and we stare at the wispy clouds for a moment. She finally speaks up.

"I think you should be careful," she says very softly. A nervous flutter interrupts the happy party the butterflies are having in my chest. I turn my head to give her a sad, questioning look, desperately open to guidance. She chooses her words carefully for a moment before answering. "He's not really the kind of guy you take home to your parents," she starts, "His reputation is awful. He's a lady killer, 'Leithy. And he doesn’t come from a good home like you do. You and I both know you don't date or love casually. And I'm sorry to break the news to you, sugar, but I don't think Roman's the type to return that kind of love." My stomach twists into knots upon knots. I involuntarily clutch at my chest as a hurtful feeling rushes through it. Kaitlin was right. Even I had heard the kinds of rumors that run around school about Roman Spade. My heart cries as the notion, wanting all of this to be false, wanting Roman to be the kind of guy who doesn’t just use a girl and toss her away when he’s done. I worm closer to Kaitlin to rest my head against her shoulder. She places her head down on mine.

"I hate being naive."

"You just look for the good in people, that's all." I contradict her in my mind, knowing full well that I was naive to a fault. I got it from my mother, and it didn't help that I was raised in a solid household with no serious dysfunctions. I was raised in a loving and sheltered environment, and the shocks of what really goes on even in my school, I never paid any mind to. Drugs, lots of sex, partying. I just didn't think about it, and I never assumed it of anyone. Though, in reality, I should be doing the opposite. Was this the same case for Roman?

"I don't even think I want to know what you know," I whisper. She nods against my head and rubs my arm.

"Just be careful. You can be friends with him all you want, just keep it at arm's length, I say. That could complicate your project and your summer anyways if you two were romantic, ya know?" I ponder the point, realizing she's right.

"If anything were to go south, I'd be stuck there with him, having to finish that project no matter what."

"Exactly. Aren't I a freakin' genius?" she croons as she elbows me. I give a laugh, and some of the hurt eases. Taking a giant breath and hugging Kaitlin, I slowly start to let go of the feelings that I let fester in my chest for him. I didn't want to be his next victim. I would never allow myself to ever be used. It would hurt me too much, she was right in saying that I don't love lightly. I love the way I was raised to love, the way my mother and father love each other. Deeply and thoroughly, built on a foundation of strength and trust. I had a strong belief in marriage, togetherness, and family. That's how I date, I can't help it. I even had a bad experience about a year ago, dating a guy who I really liked, who just wanted to get in my pants by pretending he wanted all the same things that I did. Thankfully, that relationship didn't last long, and I was only hung up over it for a month or two.

The sound of a truck in the front of the house causes us to stir.

"That's my cue," Kaitlin chimes as we get up, and I walk her to her mustang in the driveway. I wave goodbye to her as she pulls out, and I hear my mother calling for me from the back porch. I glance at the truck parked in the street, and trot into the house.

"I'm here," I call once I'm in, and I find Roman and his mother waiting in the dining room, where the table is set nicely, and Mrs. Hughes is placing a dish that she brought along as well. I avoid Roman's gaze as his mother smiles warmly at me before rising to greet me.

"Hey, Aleithea, it's nice to finally meet you," she says, pulling me into a soft hug, and I smile at the surprising gesture. So... pleasant. With a silent laugh, I wonder how Roman turned out the way he is. "I'm Amy," she tells me as I sit.

"It's really nice to meet you, and so generous of you to let me crash your family vacation plans," I joke, and she gives a jovial laugh.

"Oh honey, everyone will love having a new member to all the happenings this summer, you're a real refresher," she pats my hand on the table when she says this, and I continue to smile at her friendliness. My own mother enters from the living room.

"Did Kaitlin go home?" she asks, and I look up at her as she takes a seat next to Mrs. Hughes...er, Amy.

"Yeah, she did." She nods, and starts to serve the dinner.

We get down to talking about the technical stuff like what I should bring, if I'll need money for food or anything, where I'll be staying. I avoid as much eye contact as I can with Roman, and I think he notices by the way he looks at me when he happens to catch my eye on occasion. The conversation is mostly carried by my mother and Amy, who get along just fine. Roman and I put in a few words when asked, and as the conversation progresses, the uneasiness I feel around Roman starts to dwindle. It would be bad to start anything romantic with him, yes, but if I'm going to spend the summer with him, it sure as hell can't be awkward or distant. I finally just sigh, and put my spinning brain to rest, blocking out any strong emotion to make room for the casualness to come back between us. I pat myself mentally on the back at my ability to squash the strong infatuation that I had let slip into my heart, and I am able to smile at Roman when he addresses me after we've long finished the actual meal part of our dinner.