# 1

105 8 6

by danycation

by danycation

Nicholas' POV

Merry Christmas and a Happy new year, Nicky! I know you remember when I'd call you that. You used to love me calling you that, because you'd always half smirk and your face would turn scarlet red. I loved that! And you used to love me teasing you, but now all that's changed. You were so different than most teenage boys and mysterious. I guess that's why I was so drawn to you. I'm sorry I can't get you to be happy anymore but every year, I would wish that come true. I just wanna hear your voice, your laugh, or even smell your cigarette smoke, (even though you were too young to smoke) and the best thing of all your hair hanging in your face. It was so black like jet black and you loved when I moved it away from your eyes. God, I miss your eyes! Your icy blue eyes; they were like fireworks. Well I hope you have a great Christmas and New Year and if you're still reading this, I love you and I miss you.

Sincerely,

Annie.

(remember you always teased

and call me that instead of Ana.)

xoxo

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Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year! How I hated those words. And when reading them from Ana, it would mean something different, I just couldn't seem to feel it. I didn't care much for being happy anymore or anything. But I kept and read through her letters anyway because I love words. She sent me special memories we shared especially before Christmas and New Years' hoping I'd reply, but yet I couldn't. I just didn't feel it. Her other letters consist of the four years we'd known each other, just daily updates on her life or school because I'd skip most days. We had begun to write back and forth before and after my died. We just sent each other notes through our lockers everyday which later helped me forget my dad being gone yet she couldn't bring him back. But that's why I write and sometimes draw, because they mean something but most people just wouldn't understand. So for now I just keep them hidden away until maybe one day they'll mean something to the world.

On the other hand most people think graffiti is bad that's why I always get caught. I mean sometimes it'd seem like graffiti but it wasn't; it was art to me. Thus I got in trouble for it.. a lot but police didn't understand and neither did my mother. They even tried to put me on house arrest because of my constant vandalism and uncaring attitude. Of course that didn't work because I'd just use my smarts and take it off, burying it in the snow; even though it irked me to physically touch snow. After that I'd go wondering the streets of my suburban neighborhood or into the woods without any care of the harsh weather because I didn't feel a thing. But my mom would make me put on some winter coat and she even bought some strange boots; they're called Dr. Martens. They're quite comfortable yet help make the crunching of the snow more irritating to my ears.

So anyway I really loved blowing my breath in the air, opposed from my cigarette smoke. Sometimes I'd smoke and drink coffee just to try and warm my insides to feel something, but just the taste is all I received; that was satisfying. Sometimes I wonder if I am a robot or zombie more like, because they feel nothing. And that's exactly what I feel, nothing. Yet the very thing that makes me feel, makes want to die because the memories make it harder to not to feel; that's what I want. I always thought that you could get over tragedy and be happy again, but apparently that's a myth.

I want to be happy and jolly like everyone else but it just seems impossible. Maybe if I could be reincarnated, would I be happy again? Yeah, right. Well, that's enough of writing for me, I have to go work my night shift at a grave yard. Being around snow and dead people sounds exciting. Happy holidays! x( As you know it's almost, well a little far but nearly Christmas so be good.

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OKAY SO HELLO! THIS STORY PROBABLY WON'T HAVE MUCH DIALOGUE SINCE MY CHARACTER DOESN'T TALK EXCEPT WRITE. BUT I'LL FIGURE THAT OUT LATER ;) ANYWAY HE BASICALLY WRITES OR TYPES OUT HIS LIFE HAPPENINGS LIKE A JOURNAL SO MAYBE THAT'LL HELP. MMKAY. YEAH! ☺ TYSM FOR READING.