Somebody to hold t.h.

Chapter Thirty Two

When Evie woke up the next morning Tom wasn't beside her making her pout. She was looking foreward to staring at his peaceful sleeping state. She got up and got ready for her day when she heard unfamiliar noises from the living room. Hesitantly she opened her bedroom door and peeked into the pretty living room. On the couch she saw Tom but he wasn't alone.

He was cuddling a grey dog. It was the most beautiful sight. Evie couldn't hold back a squeal as she ran towards the two and jumped onto the couch next to them. „Who are you?", she asked in a happy voice, her chest filling up with a giddy feeling. „This is Tessa my dog. My parents just brought her by.", Tom explained smiling at Evie who slowly started stroking the pretty dog. Evie was in complete bliss, she loved dogs.

„Oh I am in love with her!", she exclaimed as Tessa rolled on her back to receive tummy rubs. Tom watched her interact with his dog with happiness in his heart. But as Evie looked up at him, admiration evident in her eyes he suddenly felt a lump forming in the pits of his stomach.
„I am so happy you brought her here! Thank you so much for letting me meet her.", she said as she flung herself into his arms.
He instinctively wrapped his arms around her waist tightly to steady her and to also hold her as close as possible. But then the unsteady feeling in his stomach only grew. „We should make breakfast I am starving!", she said as she hopped off of his lap and ran into the kitchen where she prepared breakfast for the both of them. Feeling really needy from her anxiety attack and the way she saw Tom cuddle Tessa she quietly walked over to Tom and sat on his lap again. Tom was in deep thought all throughout their breakfast.

As he began to stroke her hair out of her face she looked up at him happily with admiration in her eyes. Suddenly he was hit with the biggest struck of realisation, which made a cold shiver run down his spine and the pit in his stomach grow. He understood that maybe this adoration in her eyes was directed towards him. It was a very selfish and self absorbed thought, but it was filling up his mind. Instead of feeling all excited about it he felt a very unusual feeling. He felt scared.

He knew he would never be good enough for her. Not only that, he knew she deserved someone who was kindhearted, understanding and able to always protect her. He couldn't be that. Yes he was able to keep her safe and that's everything he wanted but he couldn't love her as purely and committed as she deserved. He has never loved anyone how could he love her?

He understood that she was special to him and that his heart definitely reacted to her especially in moments like these when they were so close and she was so submissive. He knew he couldn't let that happen anymore.

After they were done eating he helped her wash up and she couldn't help but ask: „Tom is there something wrong? Are you not feeling well?"
"No I am fine. It's just..", he didn't know how to voice his concerns without telling her too much of his feelings.

"I like having you as my roommate. But I think we should be just that. Roommates and friends. I understand you are very needy and your touches don't mean anything but I'd prefer it not happening anymore.", he told her all of that with cold eyes and an emotionless voice. He was in business-mode because he couldn't bring himself to lie to her any other way. Staying away from her was the furthest thing he wanted to do and his own heart was begging him to shut his mouth.

Evie froze as she heard his words. She watched him turn into a man she only knew from the office. He was just a shell, not even a person anymore. It was breaking her heart and she started to feel sick. "Was I making you uncomfortable? I am so incredibly sorry. Please Tom.", she choked out, tears running down her face. Feeling embarrassed, hurt and betrayed. Why did he never tell her? She felt so safe and like she could be fully herself with him. Like she could be small. But now she realized that was just an illusion.