A Banana Fish Christmas Carol

The Ghost Of The Past

"Like in "Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol"?, Ash looked doubtfully at him. He thought that story sounded familiar somehow. And let me guess, you're the ghost of the past.", Ash said, smirking at him. "Really?"

"In a way, yes.", Griffin smiled. "But instead I'm showing you the good things you've done. Suddenly the scenery changed and they were standing in a dark alley surrounded by an old factory or mor like ruins thereof.

"That's the abandoned building where Eiji and Skip were taken to. Why are we here?", Ash asked stubbornly, crossing his arms.

"Just watch. Then you'll see.", Griffin smiled knowingly at him. Ash glared at him, feeling like a scolded child.

After a moment he saw a younger version of himself throwing away his gun after Arthur told one of his men to shoot Eiji.

"Why did you protect Eiji? You barely knew him.", Griffin asked curiously.

"I honestly don't know. Probably because Eiji was the only one who had never been afraid of me. Right from the start. That was the first thing that had impressed me about him at the time. His innocence and his unconcealed curiosity were just so refreshing. All of his emotions were so openly displayed on his face.", Ash smiled at the memory of their first encounter. "Eiji honestly had no idea why it could be a bad idea to ask a ruthless gang leader to see his gun." Ash grinned when thinking back to that ridiculous scene.

"That and he looked like a grade schooler.", Ash said, smirking at Griffin. "And he got dragged into this mess because of me. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. So protecting him was my responsibility.", he admitted sadly.

"See? You've always protected people. People who needed help or were weaker than you. You've always looked out for people close to you. You did the same for Skip as well." Ash nodded slightly, but Griffin could see in Ash's darkening eyes that he wasn't convinced.

"Let's go somewhere else.", Griffin simply said, changing the scenery to Ash's old apartment.

Ash's younger self was kneeling in front of Griffin who had a vacant look in his eyes and was sitting in a wheel chair next to the window, a blanket over his knees.

"Why did you take me home, Aslan?", Griffin asked sadly.

"How can you even ask that? You're my brother. I would have starved to death as a child without you. I owe you my life!", Ash exclaimed angrily, his eyes flashing dangerously while glaring at him.

"But you had a really hard time hiding me, getting me medication and treatment. And you probably had to spend a lot of money on me. That couldn't have been easy.", Griffin argued quietly.

"I'm really grateful that you did that, Aslan.", Griffin thanked him, patting his head affectionately like he used to do when he was still small. A barely visible smile escaped Ash's lips.

"You know, I don't remember much from the time after I was wounded and drugged, but I could still feel your presence, your warmth and I could still hear your voice. It sounded as if it came from really far away, like an echo, but I could still hear it. So thank you for taking me home.", he said, hugging him tightly while tears streamed down his face.

"Words could never describe how much that had meant to me. That you spend a lot of time and effort looking for me, finding me and taking care of me. Most people would have abandoned someone like me. I was just a burden. But you took good care of me. And you've never stopped talking to me or have given up on me although I've never responded or showed any signs that I've even understood what you were saying. That act alone shows that you are an amazing, kind and compassionate person. A bad person would have never gone through all that trouble. He would have abandoned me in that dark place."

"I could never have done that! I - loved you...", Ash admitted, looking down at the floor. "You were the only person who has ever really cared about me. The only person who has loved me... You have always been by my side and taken care of me when I was young, never thinking about yourself. So how could I leave you when you needed me? When I could finally do something for you in return?", Ash looked up at his brother, a soft smile on his face.

"Thank you for always taking care of me, Griff. You have no idea how much that has meant to me."

"See, and that's why you're an amazingly good and kind-hearted person. Many people see that, only you yourself don't. Our actions define who we are. And you have always protected many people around you, even if you knew you'd suffer the consequences, never thinking about yourself."

Ash nodded slowly, thinking about his brother's words carefully for a moment.

Griffin gripped both of his shoulders, looking at him intently, his eyes burning with a determination Ash hadn't seen before. He actually flinched a little when meeting his eyes.

"The only one who stands in your way to happiness is yourself. You have to forgive yourself, Aslan. It's true that you did some bad things in the past, but you didn't have any other choice. You probably don't like hearing that, but you were still a child when all this happened. So you're not responsible. You were just defending yourself. It was the only way for you to survive.", Griffin assured him, looking at him, pure compassion drowning his eyes.

"The law should have protected you. Your parents should have protected you. I should have protected you. You should have never had to fight for yourself at that young age. So everything you did wasn't your fault. You're not to blame.", he said, ruffling his hair gently.

Ash looked at his brother. "His words slowly got through to him. Although he hated that he basically said he had been a child at the time. But according to American law he had been a child when most of the things had happened. So maybe Griff was right and he really wasn't to blame...? He had never seen it that way...

Ash looked down on the floor. He desperately wanted to believe that. To believe that all these past events had never been his fault. Maybe he should at least try harder to forgive himself. For Eiji. And for a new life he had always dreamed about...

Griffin watched him intently, then hugged him one last time. "Please listen to me, ok?

Ash just nodded, then smiled sadly. "I'm trying my best.", he promised him.

"I have to go now, Aslan. My time here is limited."

"What? No, don't -", Ash exclaimed, his voice cracking, suddenly frightened. What if he'd never see his brother again...?

"But what if there was someone else who wants to see you?", Griffin interrupted him softly. "You remember the story, right?

"Three ghosts will haunt you.", Ash answered instantly, quoting the story back to him. Griffin nodded and smiled. "You still remember."

"But who - ?"

"That's a surprise. But you'll be glad to see them again.", he promised him.

"Will I see you again?"

"Only if you sleep soundly. And you really shouldn't stay up so late reading, you know?", he chastised him before his presence was fading away.

Ash smiled at that, knowing perfectly well that Griffin was the reason he loved books. He had always read books to him when he was small and had constantly written letters to him while overseas.

The ghost of the present, huh? He wondered if he had guessed right who'd show up next...