PerfectionDefinition [AndrewBiersack]

Get Clean. Start Over.

We played our normal set, a few songs, a few little things here and there. Mainly our stuff was naturally heavy, so my fingers were bleeding after every show. Tonight was no different and by the time the last note ended, crimson liquid was falling from my fingertips.

I didn't mind though, I didn't care. It didn't really matter. It didn't hurt that bad, but Radke always gave me a hard time for it, yelling at me to keep myself clean and keep my blood inside my body.

But it usually didn't happen like that. Whatever.

I finished the last riff, head banging one last time before the mast note played and the last lyric sung, the band waving one mast time to the crowd before disappearing backstage once more.

I put my guitar back in its case and shoved it into the small compartment we kept our instruments in.

I didn't usually talk to anyone after our sets. Usually I just went back up to my hotel room or to the tour bus, starting into the rest of the night that usually ended with me drunk and asleep.

It repeated every night. I didn't really mind. It was eating away my body and liver, but I couldn't care less.

That's another thing Radke hated. My drinking. Hey. I was an alcoholic. Big whoop.

Since we were in France, I had a hotel room this time, so I climbed the stairs, headed towards my room at the end of the hallway.

I had my own room. They told me I could share with the girlfriends, but I didn't want to. I'd rather just be alone.

We always played last, so it wasn't long that I had been able to lay down when I heard a knock on my door. Radke, I was sure.

I didn't move to answer it. It wasn't like it was locked. I scratched the shaved half of my head again, laying down and curling in the blankets, hoping whoever it was would just go away. But if it was Radke, they wouldn't.

"Hey..." I heard from the other side of the door. Dammit. It was Radke.

"Go away." I muttered with a groan. Knowing this odd relationship Radke and I had, he'd stay there until morning if it he meant he knew I was still living and hadn't gone and drunk myself to death or something like that.

I didn't move, but regardless the door opened and the tall vocalist stepped in, looking down at me with the damn same sad look that they always gave me.

I wanted to ask why people stared at me like that, but Radke would probably freak out on me.

"I need to talk to you... Listen..." he began, sitting in the small chair beside the huge hotel bed I had requested. I raised an eyebrow, but nodded.

"Your manager caught up with me... And he... Told me some things..." he stated quietly. What the hell would my manager say to Radke? Lord knows. The idiot probably told him my whole life story.

"What?" I blurted, looking over at him.

"He said that... Involving your drinking problem... You need to... Get sober... And clean... And good..." he said slowly.

I was confused. I was clean. I WAS sober.

"I am sober." I stated in a monotone voice that didn't really sound like myself. Maybe it was just because I was tired. I didn't really care, it didn't matter anyway.

Radke shook his head. "No... You're not... It doesn't take someone smart to see that." he said, motioning towards me.

What the hell does that mean? Yes, I know, I'm smaller. Short. Incredibly thin to the point people think I'm a freaking anorexic. Half my head is shaved and I have a lip and nose piercing.

I know I'm not that pretty of a sight. But at least I'm clean.

"No... I AM clean." I said again, and once more Radke shook his head, pushing a hand through his dark thick hair.

"No... I mean... You have to stop drinking... Completely." he said, and my lips parted a little, my eyes slightly widening.

"No... I don't. Radke, stop. Don't mess with me this late at night." I said harshly, and he cringed a little.

"Kai..." he began. I stopped him there. I hated that nickname he gave me, but anything was better than my real name.

"I don't need to get clean. And there's no way in HELL that I'm going to stop drinking." I said with my eyebrows running together in comprehension towards the male.

He sighed. "You have to. Or they'll kick you out." he said, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. Oh so the freaking truth comes out.

"They can't kick me out. I'm the guitarist." I mused, and he sighed.

"But you won't be."

I nodded, but I was clenching my jaw and squeezing the sheet in my hands. I was pissed. I didn't need to get clean. I was fine.

"They want you to talk to someone who has been in this situation before." he added carefully, as if he knew once he said something else I would freaking blow up.

Then it hit me. The only other person that had done this before... Was...

Andy.

"You want me to talk to Biersack?!" I cried, picking up a pillow and tossing it at my friend, hitting him on the side of the head with it.

He nodded, playing off I'd just smacked him in the head with a pillow.

"There's no freaking way I'm letting that bastard teach me about being an alcoholic!" I yelled, and he sat there calmly.

Too calmly for all my yelling.

"He knows what to do. Just... Listen... Please..." he pleaded. I looked at him for a moment, his dark eyes were literally begging me for this. Sometimes I questioned whether or not Radke was my friend.

Or he just hung around to piss me off.

Now I know. He actually wants me to be clean.

Should I do this for him?

What the hell am I saying? 'Don't get soft!' I mentally yelled at myself. I couldn't get soft. I couldn't get vulnerable. But I had to get sober. I didn't want to leave my band.

No matter how much everyone hated me.

"For how long?"

"Just a month. Maybe two months..." he stated, hoping I'd say yes.

I sighed deeply, nodding. "I'll... I'll do it." I said, and he instantly grinned, the tall vocalist jumping from his chair and attaching to me in a suffocating hug.

I didn't like hugs, Radke knew that. "Radke..."

He pulled away. "Sorry, Kai. But... Thanks... I'm... I'm happy... You'll start soon." he said with a small curt nod.

I nodded back, and he left, leaving me to think to myself.

I hated Biersack. How was I going to do this?