Black tears

Peace of mind

I sat against the wall, although the bricks stabbed into me, the pain was helping me compose my thoughts. My life: a tangled mess of frustration. I realised my life would never be normal, one day I would be gone, no boy I'd ever seen would spare me a thought or ever empathize. To them I was a freak, some admitting this more than others....

"Hey, you alright?"

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted, which was good since on numeral times I'd thought too much and......

"You know there's much more to do up here, than down there."

Her mood contradicted mine, my mellow depression made no difference to her warm smile.

"If you were ditching science you could have told me! Anyway let's go!"

She grabbed my hand and guided me through flocks of people. My hand in hers gave me an odd sensation, I was uncomfortably close to another human to which I had only just met. Her unguarded affections had me stunned.

"My name is Eden, you can call me ducky if you're awsome" she shouted against the general agitation of the surrounding hoard.

I was constantly guarding myself, which began to feel stupid as I began to become accustomed to the feeling of company. Finding myself in a room I'd avoided for at least a year, slightly knocked my already broken self esteem. I could hear the voices and laughter of previous tormenters, I noticed Ben at one of the tables, with his friends he formed an invisible ring in which stepping inside would be fatal.

Eden led me to a table near the back of the canteen.

"......Nick! I can't believe you said that!"

"I didn't say anything!" A long haired girl argued with her boyfriend, now hitting him and cuddling a jumper in her hands. I was so used to my solitary life, the cluster of people disturbed me. For the chance of sociol happiness I took a brave step forward and forced out a "Hi".

"Hey, you're the boy that people called fa..." A well built boy spoke out, he stopped himself, although I knew the word and the word knew me far too well.

"Ryder! You have no manners! Hi my name's Laura." She switched to a warm smile after snapping at Ryder.

"H...Hello" Was all I could mutter.

"You don't have to stand up you know"

The Girl with the jumper said homely. I felt so odd, kindness was fiction wherever I went. It was all I knew. Before I used to feel a glow whenever someone would walk towards me, only to be slaughtered by their foul words. Foul was the description I used to use, but in recent years they just became words.

"You can sit next to me, my name is Abra by the way."

I sat next to Abra and a round faced girl.

"I want to know what death is like."

Stated the round faced girl, I began to part my lips but felt it was not my place to utter words of doom and gloom.

Resonating around the canteen, the school bell hummed. The people around me were driven from their seats, as was I. Regrettably I recognised the face of the face of a boy walking towards me; I stared long enough to give him motive for his next action.

"Get out the way!" Luke brutally shoved me to the ground. I knew Luke from my English class, he used to push me against the wall and threaten to punch me after each lesson. Sometimes he did punch me, although I never knew if I punch was coming that day. I taught me to always be scared, I thought somehow I deserved it. One day he girlfriend broke up with him; he forced me against the wall and strangled me. Thoughts of death span around my head, I was lucky somebody walked past and my life extended just a little longer.

"Get off him!" Ryder retaliated with a shove of his own.

"Why, he deserved it. Filthy faggort!" His group and him left with a spitefull laugh. Ryder helped me up, it took me a second to accept his kindness, it was far from expected.

"Just tell me if he does anything again." Ryder stated, I nodded in beautiful agreement.