Philophobia: A GerIta Story (Rewritten)

Chapter Eight (Feliciano)

Since Matthew announced him and Gil's engagement, Ms. Katherine decided to have the meeting be about having relationships, rather they be romantic, platonic, or familiar, while disabled. Everyone but Ludwig shared for at least a little bit.

Alfred talked about how, before Kiku and this group, he was terrified no one would love him or even want to be near him other than Matthew, Francis, and Arthur, and that he would be left behind in life and never be happy since having a family with a partner and kids was always something he wanted.

Ivan shared how, after losing Katrya and being abandoned by his parents with Natasha to care for, he was terrified everyone he loved would leave him in one way or another, and even believed he was directly responsible for the reason his sister was killed and his parents left and was terrified of hurting other people, purposely or not.

Emil's was the longest. He told everyone how he's always afraid of seeming like a burden to his family, especially Lukas and Leon, and that even though he tries to be independent to lessen their stress, it's impossible when you live with multiple debilitating illnesses that make you rely on other people. He mentions how much he loves and appreciates his family, even if it doesn't always seem like it, but he sometimes wonders if their lives would be easier if he didn't exist. He says how he sometimes sees ableist comments on his and Leon's videos about how Leon should date someone that isn't so broken, and that Leon could do better, and that he sometimes thinks it's true.

Arthur said how many people at school would bully him and tell him that he would always be alone and unloved by everyone, rather it was because he was going blind or his personality, how Francis, Matthew, Alfred, and even his siblings ("no matter how much of arseholes they are") helped to change that point of view.

Camille talked about her extended family never believing she could succeed, and would be a disappointment to the Laurent family since she 'wouldn't be able to marry or produce an heir'. She said it made her sad, but she knew it wasn't true either, since her parents loved her, and Michelle was the best woman in the world.

Vash's was short, how he became overly protective of Lili and constantly paranoid to the point it strained their relationship until her, Roderich, and Lars pushed him to try therapy.

Roderich's was also short since he never really thought that he was unloved or would have trouble with any relationships due to his disability, other reasons yes, but by the time the car accident happened, his parents were both already dead and him, Vash, and Lars had been married a week. He explained how his friends and husbands stuck by his side during physical therapy and the resulting PTSD, and it was then that he realized he was loved.

Matthew shared that when he realized he was getting sick but was hiding it from everyone, he was terrified everyone would leave him once they found out the truth. That once his mom died and Alfred was in the hospital, he pushed himself too far and "you all know what happened next." He explained how once his dad died as well, he decided his fears were true and everyone was going to leave. Francis and Arthur adopting him changed that, so did meeting Gilbert, but the fears came back when Francis was diagnosed with cancer. He was afraid no one would want him once they realized he was not only a liar, but a disabled one too. "Luckily," he said, "I was proven wrong."

Mine was the shortest.

I really only shared to make Ludwig feel it was okay, but relationships...relationships aren't something I enjoy talking about. I talked about Lovi and Toni, and how I've always had friends but sometimes was considered too trusting, but not about how much I fear the idea of losing everyone, how I'm convinced everyone would realize what a burden I am and leave me alone.

Katherine talked everyone through it, and everyone gave encouraging words when they could, and by the end of the hour we were back to laughing, though not as loudly, and smiling, because we know this is a place where we are loved for who we are.