sorrows and woes - klaus baudelaire

the ersatz elevator

FOR BEATRICE

WHEN WE MET, MY LIFE BEGAN

SOON AFTERWARD,

YOURS ENDED

•••••••••••••

"NOW, BAUDELAIRES, NATALIA, I KNOW YOU ALL MUST BE NERVOUS," MR. POE SAID. They all were sitting in his car on a very dark street in the city, trying to find where there new guardian lived. Natalia scoffed at his words. Saying they were nervous was an understatement. The banker continued on, "I was a little nervous trying to find you a new guardian, given your previous track record. But never fear. This is a very fashionable block. Much more fashionable than when you once lived with your parents, even though both your houses are just a few blocks away."

"We're not concerned with how fashionable it is," Violet explained.

"We're more than nervous, Mr. Poe," Klaus told the banker. "We're anxious."

"Our friends have been kidnapped by Count Olaf," Natalia reminded.

Mr. Poe sighed, "Ah, yes. The Quagmire twins."

"Triplets," Violet corrected.

Mr. Poe furrowed his eyebrows, "But there's only two of them."

"Quigley Quagmire died in a fire," Klaus explained again.

"Then no need to worry about him. As for Dennis and Iphigenia-"

"Duncan and Isadora," Natalia corrected the banker.

Mr. Poe looked out the window and questioned, "Do you know what that is?"

The four children looked to where Mr. Poe was looking and saw a police car patrolling up and down the street and wanted signs for Count Olaf everywhere. Natalia rolled her eyes as she knew that the authorities would never catch Count Olaf. If they haven't caught him by now, how are they going to catch him later?

"A police car?" Klaus guessed.

"A citywide manhunt to apprehend Count Olaf and rescue your friends," Mr. Poe explained before they all piled out of the car. The youngsters looked up to see a very tall skyscraping building beyond the enormous trees that blacked out the skies. As they gazed up at the building, Mr. Poe carried on, "We at Mulctuary Money Management are co-sponsoring every effort to bring this ghastly villain to justice. Look at the wanted posters we had pasted up all over town."

"You can't even see them," Klaus said as he squinted to read the poster. "All those trees are blocking the light."

"Trust me. It's a very good likeness of a very bad person. Furthermore, once I have dropped you at this apartment building, where old friends of all your parents have promised to be your guardian, I'm taking a lengthly a helicopter ride to search for the Quagmires using the binoculars my wife gave me as an anniversary present," Mr. Poe rambled as he looked around the dimly lit street. "Now, let's see. Has anyone seen the numbers 667? It should be somewhere on this block."

"Another mysterious set of our parents' friends," Klaus commented as the banker began to wander around the street.

"Who we've never met," Violet added.

Suddenly, Mr. Poe screamed and then coughed. He pulled out his handkerchief and held it to his nose as he turned around, "I found the building. It's right next to this lamppost I just ran into."

Natalia giggled at Mr. Poe's clumsiness and the children carefully crossed the street and entered the gigantic building. As soon as they walked through the revolving door, the doorman came up to them and asked, "Name?"