Once upon a time there was a brave night called Joe Manly Man Person Knightly, or Joe Knightly for short. Joe was part of the white knight order. Their job is to slay all evil being from the Earth. Then one fateful day, a spectacular portal opened and millions of Demons, Vampires and zombies poured through into our dimension. Joe had a job to do and he was ready to rock.
Joe was on his way to Castle Of The White knights. This is where Joe would travel to every time there was a new assignment. It was oddly shaped to confuse invaders. But there were hardly any because it is in the far corner of the realm. The only invaders are usually teenagers who come to throw rocks at the elderly Knights who had come to retire. Joe was a young knight who always came up with really bad puns but he thought they were good so that is what matters. He absolutely stank as he never took his white knight armour off; he said that it would hurt his pride and no matter how much his wife Lorraine would plead he would never take it off. After taking on a few dragons and decapitating a hydra or two he was finally at the castle. He walked up the winding cobbled path of the city he was flooded by gifts and flowers because of his magnificent travels and deeds. His mission was to destroy the demons and beasts that had entered the realm. He was on his way the portals original position of entry, when he arrived he saw his friend Marc Manly Man Man Man Guy. Or Marc Guy. He was with his wife Eleanor Manly Man Man Man Guy. Or Eleanor Guy for short (you may be noticing a pattern here). And there it was… THE PORTAL!! Joe walked towards it in aw, the magnificent purple rip in time in space. “So is this it?” Said Joe finally, Marc replied “Yup this is it,” “if anything I am a bit disappointed.”. “Yeah me too” Said Eleanor. They were in their signature armour. Purple with White stripes. “Your still wearing that armour, phft get changed already, weirdoes.” said Joe. Marc and Eleanor exchanged looks and then sighed. After about an hour they were off hunting down the demons and immediately they found one. Demons come in four types. There are combat demons which are about the size off an average fully trained athlete, then there is a tank demon which speaks for itself after that is a skinny demon which again speaks for itself and last is a skimp demon. Skimp demons are small, skinny and ugly beings which literally eat everything they see. “There is one, let us battle it” said Marc, and they did after some biting, scratching and stabbing they had destroyed about eight demon skimps. After a while off demon and werewolf stabbing and eliminating they reached the king demon. He was big, he was ugly and he was fat! But his back was all knobbly and spotty. “There he is guys, the giant evil ugly fat smelly god of fatness and ugliness,” said Joe, “Um that doesn’t make any sense” said Eleanor. “Oh well let’s murder it!!” said Joe as he pulled out his giant sword. “No wait we can’t” but it was too late. Joe had already charged into battle sword drawn and blooded. A vampire charged at him and he thrust his sword into his chest. As all the creatures charged the mountain of corpses piled. The others joined him and they battled for hours and hours until they were eye level with the big fat ugly fat ugly demon of doom. “ Um, hello ugly” shouted Joe as loud as he could. Marc slapped his hand over his face in regret of bringing Joe with them forgetting he had gauntlet on, this almost broke his nose. The demon looked enraged at this and roared at the group of warriors spraying them with saliva and bones. “DISGUSTING!!” shouted Eleanor. “I know,” said Joe too Eleanor then he turned to the demon and shouted as if the demon couldn’t understand them “YOU NEED A TOOTHBRUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ME DEMON!!”. The demon roared again and blew the heroes off the mountain of bodies. This made Joe angry so he got up ran over to the demons toe and stabbed it. After a while Joe finally managed to pry off the demons toe nail. He fist pumped the air in triumph, until the demon kicked him in the face (well it was more off a sledgehammer to the body). This was the last straw for Joe so he charged jumped and landed on the Demons ankle. He repeatedly stabbed and stabbed purple blood flowing out like a river. The demon tried to shake him off but couldn’t and then finally the foot fell off with a thump like an earthquake. Marc and Eleanor charged next and jumped onto what was now a nub and started to climb. Then Joe hopped off the ankle off the titan and joined his team mates. Then out of the blue a giant throff off saliva fell from the monsters mouth. He was trying to spit them off!!! Dodging the spit they got too the face and then the eyes. Joe stood on its nose trying to balance. The demon looked worried and then fell over. He had been hopping the whole time, it was filled with holes from the spikes they had been using climb up it. Joe walked up to the bridge off the beasts nose. “AW, it looks like it’s going to cry. Oh well.” He thrust the sword straight in between the Demons eyes. It ROARED so loud it caused an earth quake. Blood squirted out all over Joe. Joe jumped off and onto the floor. “ Well that was fun, let’s go home and get drunk.”. And so they did but something extraordinary happened. The heroes were all steaming in the great hall of drunken gods. Joe stood on the table his helmet off and his suit still covered in purple demon blood. “I, have an announcement toooooooo make for youy guys…” he slurred. But the audience were so shocked at this announcement some feinted. Others just screamed, but the biggest reaction was from Lorraine. She screamed, she broke her glass then she feinted. His announcement was…He was going to change his suit!!!!!!! Everyone cheered and the king (also steaming) shouted “HOOOOOOOOOORAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and they all lived happily ever after until the next portal came even bigger and stronger, but that is a different story. Just focus on the happy side just now. CHEERIO!!
