EXT. THE WOODS - NIGHT.
Holt, Terry and Jake, still in their LARP costumes, sneak up to a rockface covered in bushes. Holt pulls back a bush, revealing a steel door.
HOLT: This is the treasury.
JAKE: This is awesome, and you're awesome, but you have to tell us how you became king!
HOLT: My childhood began with all three behaviors in the homicidal triad: starting fires, cruelty to animals, and bedwetting.
JAKE: (grossed out) Bedwetting?
Terry raises a fist to the top of his head.
TERRY: Captain, I think he means in real life.
Holt raises his fist to his head.
HOLT: Understood. There's an obscure rule that allows for garrote-ing if a witness is present. The Jester had been thoroughly mistreated and agreed to my plan, so I strangled the King in his own bed. The act still tears me apart inside... the look on his face as he died.
INT. BUNK ROOM - FLASHBACK - NIGHT.
Holt stands over the King who lays, asleep, smiling, on a fold-out bunk. Holt holds a rope between his hands.
He extends the rope over the king's body.
HOLT: 1, 2, 3. Dead.
He looks to the Jester, who nods.
EXT. WOODS - BACK TO THE SCENE.
Holt shudders.
HOLT: I'm a monster.
TERRY: So the King just told you about the treasury?
HOLT: He had to. Though he started a new character right away, so we need to hurry.
JAKE: Thieves first!
Jake opens the steel door and all three of them dash inside.
INT. TREASURY/METH LAB - CONT'D.
In front of Holt, Terry and Jake stand the former King and three BURLY GUARDS. They all have hunting knives.
KING: I knew you weren't as cool as you seemed H.H. Holmes!
Jake looks from their real knives to his foam knife.
JAKE: Could we do this with foam weapons and hit points like in the rules?
KING: No... Things are gonna get medieval.
Jake wraps his arms around Terry as the bad guys close in.
JAKE: (shrieking) Protect me with your muscles!
HOLT: Not. So. Fast.
Holt draws handguns out of his jacket and aims them, one in each hand, at the King and his men. The King immediately starts pouting, infuriated.
KING: Come on! Those aren't period accurate!
HOLT: Not for Elf-dor, but they are for the 1893 Chicago World's Fair.
Holt passes a handgun to Terry who aims it at the crooks.
HOLT: You know what they say: When you come for the King you'd better not miss.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Elf-dorian Justice
HumorJake, Terry and Holt go undercover at a LARP while Gina, Rosa and Amy hunt for an obscure Latvian soup-maker to help Charles. ***** An original episode of (and spec script for) th...
