Reflections

College is Rough

I am a sophomore at one of the best universities in the nation. 

But things aren't as peachy as they seem. 

I've had an insane amount of mental breakdowns, more than half of which is about money... 

I've been depressed, and there were points where I even thought that I'd be homeless. 

And it seems to just eat at me, each and every day. So I am writing this small piece to have a place to vent and hopefully get some insight. 

All of these chapters are based on true events. 

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                                                                        One: I hate where I live 

I know "hate" is a strong word and I don't particularly like to use it but in this case, it is more than fitting. Ever since I moved in, there has been an endless amount of problems. It all started when I walked in the door (and no I am not exaggerating). I walked in and it was incredibly small, stains coated the walls and floors, and the shower "divider" wasn't glued correctly to the floor. I was used to living in small places though, back home my mother, brother and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment and managed. But this was even smaller, maybe even half the size and the same amount of people. Every morning when I wake up, I simultaneously wake up in my living room, kitchen, "bedroom", and dining room. I wheeled in my suitcase and decided to take a tour of the place. 

When I finished touring the place, which took about two minutes, the first thought that came to mind was, "I can't believe I have to pay $900/month for this..."

Maybe it won't be so bad? I hoped to make the best of the situation. I mean, I survived a dorm room with another person before, maybe this could work out? It's a slightly bigger studio with two other people and it is much closer to campus than my previous dorm. The only bright side that I can think of is that at least I wouldn't have to ride the packed bus anymore, I felt like I was packed in a tin of sardines. I sighed and started to unpack, making myself as much at home as home could be.  

I began thinking...

Maybe it feels different because this money is money that I work for. Last year I took out loans and the whole year was paid for, meals included. But over $5000 worth of loans was not worth the experience...which is why I looked for my own place. But now I work constantly, sometimes until one in the morning just to make the rent payments. I worked last year too, but that was before my promotion and I made just enough to buy/rent textbooks. Even then, I cried for hours because I couldn't even afford to do laundry or buy the homework system for a class that I was going to fail anyway. 

I unpacked within 30 minutes. I didn't bring much stuff, to begin with. I just brought a couple of weeks' worth of clothes, a bin filled with stuff for the bathroom and some dishes. I never liked having a lot of clothes or a lot of things in general. My life hasn't really permitted my family to live so extravagantly, so I was accustomed to it. Although it did eat at me from time to time. 

Within my first week of living here, the problems seemed to stack--one on top of the other. Remember that shower divider that I mentioned? Because it wasn't properly installed, the room flooded whenever we took showers. We didn't have a mop (nor a place to store one) so it just sat there until the maintenance man came to fix it. Looking back, I feel pretty bad that he had to leave his party to come and fix our shower... but we also couldn't have a flooded room either...

I thought that would be the end of it but boy was I wrong.

The area where I live isn't necessarily known for being the quietest area. 

I live via party central. There are nights where there's screaming all night long and where blue and red lights flood our room at odd hours. To make matters worse, my neighbors are pretty sketchy. I'm 85% sure that they are drug dealers or associated with people that are. 

The first incident I had with them wasn't too bad...