Broken

The Trip

I sat in an interrogation room in the FBI's New York field office in a white T-shirt and black zip up hoodie over a pair of dark blue jeans. When I got the call asking me to come down that morning I certainly wasn't expecting this.
"Hello, Dr. Russell. I'm Supervisory Special Agent Jason Miller with the International Response Team." An older man introduced himself to me.
I looked up at the man. He had nearly stark white hair and pale green eyes.
"What exactly am I doing here?" I asked.
He didn't speak to me just set four pictures down in front of me of badly burned bodies.
"What is this?" I asked looking at the pictures.
"Esme Pritchard was found in Colorado on April 25th." He said pushing the first picture towards me.
I glanced up at him.
"You know Mrs. Pritchard, don't you, Dr. Russell?" He asked aggressively.
"Yes. I know that name." I answered.
"Owen Woods was found here in New York on August 3rd." He pushed the second picture towards me.
"I don't know who that is." I shook my head.
"Yesterday the bodies of Todd and Stacy Russell were found in Cairo." He said looking at me pushing the last two pictures towards me.
"Excuse me?" I asked looking up at him.
"You know that I'm an FBI Special Agent and Criminal Psychiatrist. I've been very patient with you. Sure, accuse me of murdering the woman who molested me for five years. Alright, accuse me of murdering some guy I don't even know. Don't you dare accuse me of killing my own parents."
"You don't seem terribly upset about your parents' murders." He sighed.
"As I'm sure you already know in light of this show, my parent's and I have always had a strained relationship." I sighed.
"Can you tell me where you were over the last week?" He asked.
"Here in New York working with the NYPD. Lieutenant Gil Arroyo is my contact." I answered.
"Is that all or am I under arrest? I have a brother who should hear about our parent's deaths from his sister not some stranger."
"You're free to go for now, Dr. Russell." He said dismissively.
I shook my head walking out to my car. I pulled out my phone and called Gil.
"What is wrong with Bright?" He answered the phone.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I sighed.
"He just freaked out in the middle of a meeting with New York gangsters and almost got himself shot."
"My best guess is micro-naps. He mentioned last night that he hasn't slept in nearly a week. His mind is shutting itself down periodically. The longer he goes without sleep the more micro-naps he'll take without even realizing it."
"Aren't you supposed to be helping him with that?" He snapped.
"He's a grown man and contrary to popular belief I don't control Malcolm Bright." I snapped back hanging up the phone.
I drove out to NYU feeling more alone than before I called Gil. I wanted to reach out to Malcolm but with him struggling to sleep and now taking micro-naps I didn't want to burden him.
Evan's eyes lit up when he saw me standing outside his classroom but then I saw the confusion spread across his features.
"Lily." He said hugging me.
"Hey, Evan. Come on. I need to talk to you."
"Okay." He followed me out to my car where we sat next to each other on the hood.
"I spent the morning at the FBI office. They found mom and dad's bodies in Cairo." I stated as gently as I could without beating around the bush.
"Could they be wrong?" He asked not looking at me.
"No, sweetheart. If they came straight to me they're sure."
I could feel his pain and it killed me. Despite how they treated me, they were always good parents to him and I knew losing them was so hard for him.
"What do we do?" He asked.
"We'll have to plan the funeral and handle the rest of their affairs." I answered with a shrug.
"How?" He asked.
"How did they die?"
"Babe, I don't know. I'll find out, okay? I promise." I assured him.
He nodded.
"Come back into the city with me?" I asked.
"No. I have to finish my classes. I'll come down for the weekend." He told me.
I nodded. Much like myself our parents instilled in him the importance of education and work ethic.
"They were always so proud of you." I told him.
"We didn't see eye to eye on much but we were all very proud of you. Don't feel bad if you need to take the rest of the afternoon."
"I know, Lily. I love you."
"I love you, Evan. I'm always here for you."
He smiled sadly at me before walking off back towards the campus.
I watched him walk away with tears in my eyes. Seeing him hurting hurt me more than losing my parents ever could.
"Hello?" I answered my ringing phone.
"Dr. Lilian Russell?" A female voice asked.
"Yes?"
"My name is Dakota Duran with the FBI." She explained.
"I don't really feel like being accused of killing anymore people." I sighed getting back into my car.
"Who's accusing you of killing anyone?"
"Agent Jason Miller."
"Miller didn't have all the facts this morning and I am truly sorry for that. I'd like for you to meet with me to take a look at some additional evidence we've finished processing."
"Alright. I'm just now leaving NYU after informing my brother of our parents' deaths. I'll be in as soon as I can."
"Thank you, Dr. Russell."
As reluctant as I was, I drove straight back to the FBI field office from NYU. A younger blonde agent greeted me.
"You must be Dr. Russell. I'm Dakota Duran, we spoke on the phone. If you'll follow me to my office I have some things you need to see."
I followed her back to a small office in the back of the bullpen.
"The IRT is new to the investigation since your parents' bodies were found in Egypt. After the three separate murders we received letters addressed to you here at the New York field office." She explained picking up a manila file folder up off of her desk.
"Letters?" I asked.
"Yes, confession letters. It appears that before they were burned alive each of the victims wrote letters confessing to the things that were apparently done to you. Esme Pritchard detailed the sexual abuse she subjected you to from December 1992 until April 1998; Owen Woods detailed a rape in 2003; and your parents detailed the cover up of the abuse when you were young and multiple other instances of severe neglect and essentially emotional abuse." She handed the folder to me.
"I'm sorry. You said that the letters came after each of the murders but this is the first I'm hearing of it? Did no one find it important to at the very least inform me that someone is essentially stalking me?"
"I'm not sure stalking is the right term." She countered.
"Isn't it? Need I remind you that I've spent most of my adult life working very closely with a profiler? I know the different types of stalkers. This person has removed the people from the world who've caused me pain. It's a cry for attention especially coupled with the letters. It's a form of trying to impress or protect me. If they don't receive any kind of response from me they'll start trying to eliminate the people close to me who they see as obstacles in between them and me. This is something I needed to know back in April when you got the first letter. I have a brother. Friends. Who are now at risk and they don't even know it." I asserted thinking back to what my brother said when I'd sat down to lunch with him the week prior.
"Shit." I glanced down at my phone as it rang: DANI POWELL
"I have to take this." I sighed standing up.
"Dani?" I answered the phone out in the hallway.
"Lily? Bright followed me to a night club ran by one of the suspects in this case and there was a fire fight and a large stash of drugs exploded all over him." She explained in a rush.
"So, essentially you're telling me he's high? Where are you?" I asked.
"I'm taking him home." She told me.
"I'll be right there." I sighed hanging up my phone.
I drove straight out to Malcolm's apartment, arriving at the same time as they did. I followed Dani and Malcolm into his apartment without either of them noticing me.
"The best thing to do for the next seven or eight hours is stay calm and drink lots of water." Dani said calmly.
"OR WE THROW AXES!" Malcolm exclaimed happily leaping up onto the back of his couch.
"What?" She asked as I chuckled quietly in the corner of the room.
"You and me. Broad bladed axes. I have five... No I have six... Doesn't matter we have plenty."
"No." Dani insisted.
Malcolm ran over and turned on his record player.
"WOW! GOD! THIS FEELING... MY NEURONS ARE ON FIRE! You know people say that dopamine triggers pleasure but really it's about desire!" He took Dani's hand, holding her to him.
"Wanna dance?"
"Bright... I am two seconds away from kicking you in the business."
"Business is good! Answer me this though..."
She looked at him expectantly.
"No. Lost it. Oh. My short term memory is just..."
"Okay. Why don't you go throw water on your face and I'll make you something to eat?"
"Right. Right. Let's make... crumble!" He exclaimed rushing passed her.
"Grilled cheese?" She suggested finally noticing me.
"You know what? I will never forget this." He said turning back to look at her.
"I'm pretty sure you will." She sighed.
"Thank you. For taking care of me." He said genuinely.
"What are friends for?" She asked sliding the water over to him glaring at me.
"Wait? We're friends? Really?" He asked her and my heart broke for him.
"No... Not... Uh... Not really... Or not yet." She back tracked and even from behind him I could see his mood fall.
Her eyes found mine looking for help as he sat down.
"I'm out of practice with friends... With companionship." He sighed.
"It's alright. I... I don't have a lot of friends either. I've got issues with trust. I just can't go there anymore."
"You can trust me." He said softly.
"What about Lily?" She asked him.
"I love Lily with everything I have but I screwed it up. Again. I'm not very good with friends..."
"Hey." I said softly touching his shoulder.
"Lily!" He leaped up and wrapped his arms around me.
"Hey, babe." I sighed hugging him.
"Something's wrong." He noted pulling slightly away from me but still holding me.
"Let's get you fed and feeling better and we'll talk, okay?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Go and clean up. We'll start dinner."
He nodded and set off into the bathroom.
"Is he right? Is something wrong?" Dani asked helping me work on making grilled cheeses.
"Of course he is. He knows me." I sighed.
"What happened?" She asked.
"I found out this morning that my parents were murdered in Cairo. Burned alive."
"Oh my God! Lily!" She exclaimed.
"I had to tell my brother. I called to tell Gil but..." I shook my head.
"I heard him snap at you about Bright." She said softly.
"Malcolm is important to both of us. We're both very passionate and sometimes, like when I need to tell him that my parents were murdered, it leads to... frustrations." I sighed.
Malcolm pushed out of the bathroom; his demeanor completely different.
"Bright? Are you okay?" Dani asked.
I watched him carefully for a long moment.
"Malcolm? What do you see?" I asked.
"It's the box, Lily. It's the box with the girl in it." He explained quietly.
"Honey, listen to my voice. You're safe, Malcolm." I said gently in an attempt to calm him.
I watched his head wrench back and he got up and ran into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.
"Should we worry?" Dani asked.
I shrugged looking at the bathroom door.
"You have to understand that Malcolm's mind runs about ten times faster than say a 'normal' person's does, and being high seems to strip away his filter."
"You mean he often is thinking about throwing axes?" She asked.
I laughed.
"Not necessarily. I know that everything he said talking to you was the truth. Malcolm doesn't lie unless it's necessary but with his mind as open as it is right now, I don't think he's actually capable of it. When he was running around the apartment, that's how his mind runs all the time."
Dani and I heard Malcolm scream and ran towards the door. Dani was in the room first. Malcolm was sitting against the wall in the shower screaming and thrashing around. Dani attempted to calm him before finally punching him in the face.
"Dani!" I exclaimed.
"Sorry! I panicked." She said.
"Help me get him to bed and we'll have grilled cheese." I sighed.
After tucking Malcolm into bed Dani and I sat at the counter eating grilled cheese.
"Do you know what he sees when he gets like that?" She asked me.
"No. It's almost always different. They weren't this bad before he left. I don't know when they got like this."
"Was it hard? Being with him?"
"Not anymore than anyone else. Everyone has their quirks."
"It wasn't hard sleeping next to him with the nightmares?"
"Like I said, they weren't this bad back then and you saw how he reacts when I touch him. He used to say he sleeps better when I'm with him."
"How did you meet exactly?"
"We were ten. Just started our fifth grade year. I was the new kid and children here in New York can be cruel. Malcolm has always been quirky but in the fall of 1998 the name Whitly commanded respect. He stood up for me. Crazy, right? We were almost inseparable for the three months before his father's arrest. It really messed him up. He went completely mute for months. I came into the classroom after our winter vacation and Lucas Waller had him pinned in the corner of the room his forearm pressed into Malcolm's throat. I walked right over to them and grabbed Lucas' shoulder spinning him around and punched him in the face. I was suspended for three days but no one messed with him anymore."
Dani looked at me her mouth agape.
"We've been best friends ever since."
A couple hours later I was sitting in a reclining chair I moved over next to Malcolm's bed watching him sleep. Dani had fallen asleep on the counter even though I tried to convince her to take the couch. I knew that I should try to sleep but I couldn't. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.
"No one will ever love you like I do"
"You're special"
"This is our little secret"
"If anyone finds out no one will ever like you or ever talk to you again."
Esme Pritchard's voice played in my head. The things she'd tell me when she'd hurt me.
"You look pensive." Malcolm whispered from the bed drawing me out of my mind.
"You could say that." I sighed focusing on him.
He was laying on his back with his head turned towards me; his sheet laying over his chest. He looked like home. I realized in that moment just how much I missed being in his arms.
"What's going on?"
"My parents were murdered in Egypt. I spent the morning essentially being accused of a total of four murders. I had to tell my brother that our parents are dead. Another agent from the FBI called me back in to show me letters from the killer to me that the first agent didn't know about. They killed my abuser from when I was young and the guy that raped me when we were fifteen." I rambled.
Malcolm sat up and reached for me. I moved over into his bed and let him pull me into his arms as he leaned against his headboard.
"What if he's starting with the people that hurt me and moves up to the people close to me? You, Evan..." I shuddered and he tightened his arms around me.
"Evan and I are going to be fine." He assured me.
"Evan told me last week that he thought someone's following him."
"Have you talked to Gil?"
"No. I called but we argued and I didn't even tell him. I'm sure Agent Miller called him to check my alibi." I sighed.
He shook his head.
"What did you see last night?" I asked looking up at him.
"The box from my father's study rolling down the stairs, then the body under the tarp reached out and grabbed my face pulling my head back. I ran into the bathroom but that isn't where I ended up. I was in my father's cell but it wasn't him; it was me. I think it was my subconscious because he screamed at me to stop ignoring him. He told me this box I hid under my bed after my father was arrested would help me find answers. Then he stabbed me in the chest."
"That must be when Dani punched you in the face." I nodded.
"Well, it worked. I slept five hours. I've only slept better next to you."
I shook my head with a sigh.
"We should see if that box is still at your mother's house."
"Yeah, after Dani wakes up." He nodded.
"Of course."
"Did you sleep?" He asked me.
I just shook my head.
"Will you at least rest here with me?"
I nodded resting my head back onto his shoulder.I listened to the quick but steady beat of his heart as his hand gently rubbed my back.
I woke later curled on my side alone in his bed. I looked up and found him standing at the kitchen counter watching me.
"Did she leave?" I asked.
"Yeah. Went home to change so she can go into the precinct."
"Come here." I urged sitting up.
He walked over to the bed and sat down next to me almost a mirror of the way I sat when he gave me the key to the apartment.
I reached out and took his hand and looked at him.
There were a hundred things I wanted to say to him and none that I knew how to say.
"Take me to get the box?" He asked.
I nodded his hand still in mine.
I drove him out to his mother's home.
"Mother! I'm back." He called walking into the house.
I shook my head following him.
"Don't worry I'm not here for your barbiturates."
"I have company, dear." She said when we walked into the dining room.
"Hello, Lily." She smiled at me.
"Hello, Jessica."
"Malcolm, Lily. This is Eve Blanchard." She made the introductions.
"Malcolm is my son and Lily has been in our lives a long time."
"She's my best friend." He said looking at me for a long moment.
"Eve is a lawyer working with an anti trafficking organization I've decided to donate to."
The blonde woman sitting next to Jessica stood up to greet us.
"Dr. Lilian Russell." I smiled shaking her hand.
"Malcolm Bright." Malcolm shook her hand as well.
"Russell, as in Todd and Stacy Russell?" She asked me her eyes still on Malcolm.
"Yes." I nodded, my chest felt tight.
I wasn't used to feeling jealous but I was familiar with how it felt.
"I was very sorry to hear about your parents this morning." She told me.
"Thank you." I sighed as Malcolm touched my back.
I noticed Eve's eyes zero in on the contact between us.
"Lily?" Jessica said my name.
"Forgive me." I shook my head.
"My parents were murdered in Cairo last week. I got the news yesterday morning." I explained.
"Oh, Lily. I'm so sorry." Jessica walked over and hugged me.
"Thank you, Jessica." I hugged her.
"Was there a reason for your visit, dear?" She turned her attention back to Malcolm.
"Oh, yes. There's a box upstairs with some old things, pictures and what not that I'd like to get." He explained.
"A large amount of drugs exploded in my face last night and it gave me a breakthrough of sorts."
"Sweetheart." I sighed.
"Sorry." He looked at me.
"If there was a shoebox with mementos of your father it went up the chimney with everything else." She sighed.
"I never said it was a shoebox."
"Whatever kind of box it was."
Malcolm's phone rang.
"It's Dani." He told me.
"Let's go." I told him.
"Thank you, Jessica. It was a pleasure, Ms. Blanchard." I followed him out of the room.
"Dani wants me to meet her for a stake out."
"I'll drop you off then I should go talk to Gil." I told him.
"I remember when Gil used to take you out on stakeouts when we were younger."
"It helped with the night terrors, honestly. Before I learned how nice it was sleeping next to you." He smiled at me as I pulled up behind Dani's car.
"I got your father's case files." I told him.
"When?" He asked.
"A couple weeks ago. Before I cut myself the last time. I should have told you before but..." I started but he cut me off pressing his lips to mine.
"What was that for?" I asked when he pulled away from me.
"Thank you. For believing me." He kissed me again.
"Can I come over tonight and look through them?"
"Of course. I'll meet you back at the precinct. Don't die." I teased.
"I'll see you soon."
I watched him walk over to Dani's car before driving to the precinct.
I walked straight into Gil's office.
"Lily. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked as I sat on the couch.
"To be fair I called to tell you." I told him.
"That's why you called. Now I feel like an ass." He said walking over to sit next to me.
"He lit them on fire. Burned alive. How does someone do that?" I asked.
We had an incredibly strained relationship but they were still my parents and now they're dead.
"We're going to find the person who did this. I promise you." He told me.
"I'm not very good at asking for help." I sighed.
"Oh I know. That's why we won't be waiting for you to ask for help." He smiled at me.
I didn't notice Malcolm walk into the room until his hands were on my shoulders gently pulling me towards his chest. I broke as he held me tightly.