A Wild Rose

24 - Little wishes

Chapter 24
Little wishes

I had left Jasmin's flat as soon as I had recovered enough. I had thanked her many times over, and also begged that she not tell George or Amie that I had been there. It had been one night that I spent there, and that was all I could bear to stay, seeing the expressions of concern and worry on her face. It wasn't just concerns for me. For now, I carried a small baby in my arms.

It was not long after I had left that I found I needed to find another place of shelter. A hotel would do for a few nights. What little food I did eat, I ate up in my room alone. I often felt sick after everything I tried to swallow, so only ever half finished.

If I wasn't sleeping or eating, I was sitting my the wall, the baby cradled in my hands, completely shielded from everything. I would not let the world see him. I couldn't. Not before George knew. When he would find out, I did not know. Jasmin had not discovered when she saw him. She wouldn't understand. But George would, and so might Amie. It was hopeless, wishing little wishes endlessly that I had just made a mistake. There was no mistaking this.

I knew it, and the next person to step into my room knew it when he saw.

I hadn't locked the door - I only ever did at night. There was nothing of mine to come and take anyway. So anyone could just walk in if they wanted to, and I wouldn't care most of the time. It was when someone ran in that I looked up with shock. And fear. And sadness.

There George was, panting helplessly, like he'd run a thousand miles. He most likely had run many. I had known either he or Amie would find me eventually, but not that quickly. He couldn't have known to find me here that quickly without ... Jasmin. It wasn't as if I had told her where I was going, but anyone who knew me well enough knew I wouldn't have gone far. Never could I bring myself to do that.

I was curled up by the wall, the baby in my arms. He couldn't see. I knew he couldn't, for the expression on his face would be far different to the one displayed now if he could. He only saw my face, looking round with trembling lips, fear drenched eyes.

"Oh my word." he whispered, apparently more shocked than I was. His eyes were wide and watery, and he trembled more than I did, his whole body shaking. I didn't know what to make of it. So I stayed frozen, waiting for him to make the first move. And he did.

Dropping to his knees with a hard thud, his disheveled face trembling, he bent over until his forehead was touching the ground. I jerked back, uncertain of what that meant at first. It wasn't long before I found out. As his whole body shook, he rose up again, looking me directly in the eye. All of his anger from the day before had vanished. There was nothing there but astonished relief. He was ... relieved. Not angry. I didn't know what to do.

"Ada, we didn't know where you were. We were worried sick. For all we knew, you could have been out on those cold streets for the past week. People ... people die from the cold, Ada. And ... Ada please, understand what I'm saying ... please." he quivered. He was so relieved that tears spilled. I was so guilty that I did nothing but remain locked onto his eyes. He moved closer to me. I made another jerky movement, and he didn't try to advance any further. "Tell me you can forgive me for what I said. I never truly thought of you that way, Ada, I swear. And you were right, Amie was right, I shouldn't have shouted so, it's not like me. And as for your parents ... Ada I wanted to tell you, but I never meant for it to come out like that. I'm so at fault, but please, I'm begging. Forgive me and come home."

I still trembled, as he did, knowing that these last few days would never be forgotten by either of us. But hopefully, they would have been the worst of out quarrels. I wished that it would be, for I did not know how I would take it if I saw George in a state like this again. Because of me. He was already broken enough, suffering all the mighty weight that had been put on his shoulders. I promised myself I would not be the final weight to make him fall and crumble.