Out of the Darkness

• t w o •

○ h a l s t y n ○

My hands continuously make their way to the pregnancy test which I hid in one of the drawers in my dresser to make sure it was still there. My heart feels heavy as I think about my sister, my favorite person in the entire world, going through something so scary all alone. I grab the test and stare at it. Two pink lines run parallel to one another harshly, screaming at me all the things I never thought would happen. My sister, pregnant. Me, an aunt. My parents, grandparents. How could this happen? How could this happen to Tessa? How long has she known? Why won't she tell anyone? Is this why she didn't seem like herself earlier this morning? As I think about it more and more she did seem off, almost upset, when I told her about my dream. Now I know why. But is this why? Or am I missing something? All these questions spin around inside my mind, dying to be answered.

Later in the evening, I can no longer take not knowing, so once I'm sure my parents are asleep, I take the pregnancy test, gripping it tightly in my hands as I take a deep breath and walk down the hall to Tessa's room. I know she isn't asleep. She's never asleep this early. I push her door open quietly and poke my head in, catching her reading some romance novel with her Russian Blue cat, Polina, curled up and purring beside her. She looks over at me as I step into her room, closing the door behind me. A smile graces her pretty face and she places her bookmark gently in the book, setting it beside her and sitting up.

"Hal! What are you doing up still?" Tessa fusses teasingly, waving me over. I stay planted in the center of her room, not able to meet her eyes.

I take a deep breath, and think of what to say exactly. Should I turn around and go back to my room? Should I forget about it? How can I? Nervously my hand touches the pregnancy test, which feels heavy in my pocket, as if it were a weight coming to weigh down the lightness in the room. I look at her face, but, unable to hold her gaze, look away again and shift anxiously from one foot to another as I say, "Actually... I wanted to talk to you about something."

Tessa looks at me confused for a moment but shrugs and smiles once more at me. She gestures to the space on her bed next to her, "Sure. What did you want to talk about?"

I move slowly, so slow that I almost wonder if I'm moving in slow motion. I sit beside Tessa on her bed, my hands still wrapped tightly around the pregnancy test, concealing it from her view. Should I really be doing this? Maybe she doesn't even want me to know... But if she didn't want me to know, then why would she leave it in plain sight? With another calming breath, I slowly uncurl my fingers from around the stick in my palms, holding it out to Tessa. I hear her breath catch in her throat as she stares in horror at the test in my hands.

○ t e s s a ○

As soon as Halstyn reveals the pregnancy test in her hands, my stomach turns over and I feel sick. My heart drops into my stomach and a lump forms in my throat. I can hardly breathe as I try to supress the tears and stay strong for her. How can I even tell her? Halstyn, who looks up to me in everything. Halstyn, who needs me, who needs a big sister to look up to. But look at me now. She looks up to me and I've failed her. How can she even stand to be here with me right now? How do I tell her what happened? Her perfect sister, who's not so perfect anymore, all because of that one horrible, horrible night. I'm disgusting, unlovable, and unworthy. A disgrace. So how can she still stand to look at me?

I look at Halstyn and see her hazel eyes staring at me, waiting patiently for a response. I look at her, then quickly look away because I can't bare to look her in the eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat, my voice finally coming out hoarse and quieter than I would have liked, "It's mine."

Halstyn's eyes widen as she looks at me and then at the pregnancy test. An unreadable look forms in her eyes, "You're pregnant."

"Yeah... I am," I whisper past the lump in my throat. Though I try to keep the tears from falling and I try to push the lump in my throat away, I can't help crying, softly at first. The only thing I think of to say to my sister spills from my lips between sobs, "I'm so so sorry, Hal."