The Scent Of Insanity [KiriDeku] (Vol.1)

Chasing After Nothing (3)

Weeks passed, I made new friends, and it got colder outside. Snow was going to come any day now. Of course I was excited, I love winter. But it kind of hurts, it's been such a long time since summer. And, it still hurts? Why haven't I gotten over it when he doesn't take a second to think of me. 

Of course we've said hello in the hallway or he's asked to borrow a pencil. Normal conversations, which should tell me we're far from done already. Maybe it's time we become friends, and I really try to let go. I want to let go, with every inch of me I want to. I can't love him anymore. 
I don't know if I love him actually, I just think I miss him. If I love him or not I can't stop thinking of it. All my time is consumed by him.

If he says hello I'll think of it all day. Think of what happened every day.
It doesn't hurt as much as before, but that doesn't mean it doesn't. 

I wanna move on, and using distractions isn't helping, as much as I like to. 

I sat at my desk and sighed, staring outside. I reached forward and touched the window, it was cold, I smiled. Maybe this winter will bring me something better than summer. Maybe it won't be half as bad. I hope not. 

Class started, mr. Aizawa started to explain. He said he would be assigning partners, and I looked back at Kirishima who smiled at me. And I hoped we got to be partnered up, he was by far my closest friend. Of course I haven't told him about Katsuki, not really at all. He doesn't even know we dated, I hope nobody finds out. 

"Bakugou and Midoriya." He read out loud, then continued with everyone else. My expression dropped and my eyes widened. Katsuki glanced back at me, he looked surprised but he didn't look really angry at me. I started to sweat, my heart beating fast. It was still awkward, right now I don't even know if we know each other as well as before. 

Well, he changed. I hope he did, I think I did. I don't wanna fall for him again. The way he smiled at the most ridiculous things, or the small things he was interested in, the things he never cared to tell anybody but me. 

Or was that all fake?

The project was a biography for a famous hero that we were supposed to agree on. A poster, which meant homework. And we'd have to talk a lot. I hope it's only about school work. 
I'm still scared to talk to him. 

He turned his chair around once everyone was with their partner. I pulled out my notebook and followed the instructions as Katsuki watched. 

"W-What?" I looked up at him, he was still as pretty as before, as much as I thought everything else wasn't. "Nothing," he replied, "You're supposed to be working too.." I glanced back at Kirishima, and he saw me and smiled with a wave. It made me feel better, but then I looked back at Katsuki. 

He flinched and looked outside away from me, "I-It's getting colder." "Mhm," I continued writing, "Is winter still your favorite?" he was being nicer than usual, are we still friends? But I jumped, I thought he wouldn't give a fuck about what I liked, especially now. "Yeah, it is." I smiled. 

"So how are you?" "I-I'm fine, aren't we supposed to be working?" "We haven't even decided on a hero yet, dummy." He laughed. God, how I missed his laugh, I could cry at the sight. 

I could feel my face going red, but it wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to have a normal conversation with him, like friends.. acquaintances? 

"..All Might!" We said in sync, and I blushed in embarrassment. "I knew you'd say that," he leaned back in his chair with a giggle. I was overthinking every word that slipped from his lips, everything meant so much when it shouldn't have. Everything was supposed to have a secret meaning, but it didn't. I knew it didn't. 

We continued talking for a while, until mr. Aizawa told us to continue. "You're still good at drawing right, can you draw the poster?" I blushed, "Y-Yeah..!" I glanced back at Kirishima, he didn't notice this time. 

I looked back at Katsuki, I've never felt more insecure, I wanted to be the best me I could whenever he looked at me, but I felt as if I wasn't enough. But why is he treating me nicely now if he fell out of love with me before? God I had so many questions.

I wanted to lean in to kiss him, I wanted to hit him and I wanted to tell him to explain himself. But nothing but a laugh escaped my mouth. I couldn't tell if it was forced, nervous or if I was just happy to talk to him. 

♡♡♡

The bell rang. I hadn't said enough yet, as he let me finish my sentence, Kirishima walked up to me. He glanced at Katsuki, and said nothing. "Hey, 'Zuku, let's hang out?" I know I'm easily flustered but that nickname made my heart jump, I liked it but at the same time I was confused. So I gave him one, "O-Okay, Eiji." I grinned and his eyes widened for a second. I stood up and said, "See you, Bakugou." I didn't know what to call him, but his expression dropped. 

I didn't know how to feel about that, as Eijirou grabbed my arm and we exited the class. I looked back at him, he started to clean up his things. Did I do something wrong? What was with his look? 

I remembered how everything I used to do was only to please him, and the feeling I got when he had that look always hurt. I felt so bad, but Eijirou seemed happy as we left the school. That almost felt like it was enough. I mean, I get to please my friends right? Making people happy is what makes you a hero..