Infatuated. | An Original Novel. | Completed.

twenty-three

We walk to his apartment which is just around the corner. It's an old building, hidden from modern New York. He's been to my house so many times but I've ever even bothered to ask where his was. He unlocked the door and entered, holding the door for me to come in. "Sit down. Make yourself at home," he says, dumping his keys in the bowl and pointing to the couch in the living room. "I'll go get the first-aid kit." 

He walks away and I wandered around the room. Above the fireplace, there are pictures. Frames and photographs. Mostly of his family. Some of the town we used to live in. It makes me smile, looking at pictures of places I used to go growing up. There were some of his old friends from high school that I recognize too. There was a picture of him and a girl though. He looked older. No doubt after high school. The girl is pretty. Chinese, long blonde hair with dark roots and no makeup. If there was, there was very little of it. Her face looked smooth in the picture. No bumps, no acnes, just pretty. I take the frame and looked behind it. Just as predicted, there was writing behind it. 

28th Sept 2024. 
                      Jeanie <3

2024? He should be around 20 at the time. She must've been his girlfriend. "Sorry it took me so long," I heard him say as he walks into the room. He stopped short when he saw me looking at the picture.

"Who's this?" I ask, setting it down carefully. 

He walks towards me and looked at the picture carefully, trying to remember. But I know he's only doing it for show. I know he remembers who it is. I know it's someone important to him. "Jeanie," he whispers softly. When I stayed silent, he continued, "She's my," he took a deep breath. "Ex-fiancee."

I turn to him. "You were engaged?" My voice comes out sad.

"Yeah," he admits, setting down the picture. "We broke up a year after. "

"Do you miss her? "

"I don't know. I mean, we're still friends, "he shrugs. "Come on, " he walks to the couch and sits down and I sit beside him. Facing him. He opens the box and takes my hand gently. His touch is soft and warm.

"It must be hard, huh? "

"What must be hard? " he looks up as he carefully use a cotton swab that has been soaked with rubbing alcohol.

"Breaking up with your first love, " I shrug. I pretend like I'm not intrigued by what his reply is gonna be so I just looked at his hands on my wrist. But I kept stealing glances just to see his reaction and the flickers of feelings in his eyes. I only hoped he wouldn't notice.

"She wasn't my first love, " he denied and it made me look up. At him. "You were. "

I stay silent and my mouth slightly opened. "But I know you don't feel the same way, " he looks back down. His focus back on my wrist.

He's done with cleaning it and begin wrapping my wrist with bandage. It goes around and he made sure it was tight. "Is it too tight? " he would ask as to not wanting to hurt me. I would shake my head because it wasn't too tight. It was perfect. This moment would be perfect if I hadn't just went through a nightmare in less than 24 hours ago. Because no matter how much I wanted to kiss Luke, I wouldn't. Actually, it's more like I couldn't. Because it would be a betrayal to Danny. We aren't together anymore and maybe because it just happened but he still has control over me. If I kiss Luke right now, I would enjoy it. I know I would. Because I want to do it. But, I also know that as much as I will enjoy it, I will be thinking about Danny. And, it would be unfair to Luke. He deserves someone who would kiss him because they want to. He deserves someone who would think about him when they share their kisses, not someone else. He doesn't deserve someone like me.

"I'm sorry, Luke, " I started saying. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes.

"It's o-"

"I never loved you, " my voice comes out harsh. He looks at me with disappointment in his eyes. And it hurts for me to say this. He finished with my wrist already. He was about to open his mouth before I continued "Even when we were younger, I never loved you." Every word that I speak just breaks my heart. "I was only infatuated with you. I'm sorry, " I feel like crying. But I try my best to make sure my tears aren't welling in my eyes because if Luke sees it, he'll know I'm lying. Because he knows me. I stand up and he does too.

"Charlotte, " he begins, my back facing him.

I turn to face him. "Who do you call me that? "

"What? " he looks up.

"Charlotte. Why do you call me Charlotte? "

"It's your name, " he scoffs softly.

"But you always have been calling me Charlie, " I take a step forward.

He plays with his fingers to seem busy. But he took a step forward when he and he looked at me with a smile on his face. "Well... Do you remember when we first met? "

Yes. Of course I do. How could I forget. What's actually funny is that he always refers to that moment as the first time we saw each other. Which was untrue. Because I saw him before. Before we met. He just has never seemed to notice me before.

I didn't answer him though. "You told me your name is Charlotte. But your friends call you Charlie. And you told me to call you Charlie. " He has a smile on his face.

"So? " my voice softens.

"Well, since... I guess... We aren't friends anymore, I don't think I deserve to call you Charlie, " he shrugs.

But we are friends. And that's the problem, Luke. You are my friend. And I want you to call me Charlie. Because only the people I care about calls me Charlie. And I care so much about you, Luke. I would never tell you this. Or anyone else. But I care about you so much that I think I might even be in love with you. But I also love someone else. And it's because of that, I can't be your friend. Oh, how I wish I could tell you all this. But I can't. And it hurts me to do this but I have to.

"I have to go, " I say and started walking away towards the door.

"Charlotte, " his voice cracked at the mention of my name.

But I ignored him and kept walking. Once I was outside the building only I started crying. Only then my tears all fell, flowing down my cheeks. It stings, it burns, it hurts, it aches. I wipe my eyes but it kept going. My tears kept flowing and all I could think of is how my life would be. It shouldn't hurt this much. But it does. Because I can feel the sting, the burn, the hurt, the ache.