Pretty Sure I'm Dead

Author's Post Script - CONCEIT

 I considered stretching this out to ten thousand words to make it eligible for Watty award consideration. Laziness, artistic judgement and common sense caused me to decide against it. The odds of me winning a Watty are slim and none. The fact is that to enjoy my work requires an above average intelligence that many readers and I suspect most Watty judges don't possess. If this sounds conceited, that is because it is. However, unlike many of the self-proclaimed experts on Wattpad who relish critiquing the work of others, I actually have credentials to support my conceit. Maybe not literary credentials, but definitely sufficient credentials to support my claim of above average intelligence. But I'm not trying to start a pissing contest here about who is smarter, we all know there all different kinds of smart. Regardless of the type of smart, I think most people will see the wisdom in what I'm about to say.  

Too often on Wattpad, I have seen supposedly constructive criticism in the comments to really great writers and the criticisms were just not justified and the advice totally inappropriate. In fact, the comments tell us more about the commenters than they do about the work they are critiquing. It is okay for commenters to say what they like or don't like about a work as long as it is clear it is their own personal tastes they are expressing. What bugs me is when they critique as if they are some kind of indisputable expert and as if their advice is the final word on what is and what isn't good writing.

I myself recently received the following well intentioned advice, "Edit and prune. A lot. Focus on telling the story and get rid of everything (and I mean everything) that doesn't develop the story." Sounds reasonable, but I realized that if many of my favorite authors had followed that advice, they would have completely deleted what made their work so enjoyable.

Sometimes writing is not just about the story. I am sure some audiences' tastes are such that the story is the most important part. I myself am more interested in the characters, the themes, the thought-provoking elements and what the authors are revealing to me about themselves. Does anybody really remember the story line of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer? We do, however, remember all the characters and Mark Twain's memorable style of storytelling. All I remember of the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy is that I really enjoyed it and the answer is forty-two.

Every writing and every artist is unique. Just like there are all different kinds of smart, there are also all different kinds of writing styles and for every style there is an audience. What I love about Wattpad is that it provides exposure to a variety of audiences that might not otherwise be served by the mass media. It allows me to find unique writers that really resonate with my own tastes. The point is there is no single absolutely correct way to write. There are probably forty-two.

My advice is to be true to your own style. Don't pay too much attention to these self-proclaimed authorities. In case any of the aforementioned critics or contest judges should read this, I'd like to leave them with this small bit of scripture, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." (Mathew 7:1)

I seriously just write for my own enjoyment. I know I am not of the same caliber as many of the writers I enjoy on Wattpad and I appreciate those who read and comment on my work despite my shortcomings. I really enjoy the comments. Because of that, I will continue to read and comment on Wattpad, but this may be my last publication. As I have said all along, I have no intention of becoming a professional writer. I lack the talent, discipline and energy and I already have all the wealth, prestige, and success I could ever want. I published on Wattpad in the hope of finding like-minded individuals who might appreciate and enjoy what I have written. I am pleased to say that I have found such people, am grateful for their existence, and look forward to finding more.

After publishing this, I decided to go back and "edit and prune." I added two thousand more words that have nothing to do with the story, but which I thought readers might find interesting or entertaining. As a result, I am rapidly closing in on my self-imposed ten-thousand-word limit. If I go over, it kind of ruins my lead-in to this last chapter. I assume they count author's notes as chapters?

Speaking of what Wattpad does and doesn't count, it really bothers me that every time I edit a chapter it counts as a read. If I stop in a chapter and come back later, it counts as another read. This book already has over a hundred reads, and I know for a fact only one other person has read it. The only way I have to keep track of the actual number of readers is by votes, but then I fall short because people often forget to vote. Their comments indicate they enjoyed a chapter, but then they were so caught up in their reading and commenting that they forgot to vote. So, here is a reminder ― please vote.

I confess, I always vote on chapters to make it easy to find where I left off since Wattpad doesn't have bookmarks. It just shouldn't be that hard to add bookmarks, guys. If this Author's note sounds like a rant to get Wattpad to make some much-needed changes, well, that is because it is.

Crap! I just went over my ten-thousand-word limit. What the hell, maybe I'll submit it for consideration just to insure they read my rant.

While I have your attention, there are just a couple of more things I want to say before I go back and try to prune this down some more. You may have noticed; I just can't seem to shut up. I just got back from lunch at the California Burger Company. Rogue had the Ohana burger. Max had his usual beef puppy patty. I had the Wild Turkey burger and one of my migraines that mimic a stroke closely enough to remind me that my consciousness may not inhabit this body much longer. My migraines are painless, last for exactly 30 minutes, and numb half my body. They are nothing to worry about, just an uncomfortable reminder of more dire possibilities. If you want to know more, google familial hemiplegic migraine. I've had them for years and I get all the symptoms listed on Google. 

We are outside. The band is playing "Ooh La La" made famous by Rod Stewart. The refrain keeps repeating, "I wish that I knew what I know now, /When I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now, /When I was stronger." I'm leaning back in my chair, listening to the music, with my eyes closed, feeling the warm summer breeze pass over me, waiting for my migraine to pass and wishing everyone could feel and know what I know now.

In that moment it occurred to me that my author's postscript had ended on an angry note and that is not what I wanted. What I want is for everyone to put down their phones or tablets or whatever else they may be reading this on and go have lunch at their favorite outdoor café, preferably one that has music, and that lets you bring your dog and your spouse, and just enjoy life. Do it for all of our shared consciousness. My migraine passed as all things do, but the joy of the moment is eternal.