Heart of Glass [manxman]

Chapter Eighteen

By the time everything was said and done, when the physician had finished and the meds had kicked in, I wasn't sure whether I felt better or worse. Physically, things were beginning to subside. My wrist was wrapped and felt stable. It was fractured. It would take roughly two weeks to heal since I had an increased healing factor as a witch. However, with the magic depletion, it would probably take slightly longer than normal, and I was at higher risk for complications because of it.

As for the magic depletion, I was instructed to stay on bedrest and drink plenty of fluids. Only one of those would actually happen. There was too much to do and worry about to stay in bed. More information on the Aquireign and what their next steps were had to be discovered. I needed to start personally investigating the faculty to figure out who was slipping information to the Aquireign or Rainier. We needed to put in a long-term plan to fortify campus. We needed to go ahead and set up arrangements for the students to be quickly transported abroad to the Guardians' sister school in the next realm... and to top it all off, there was Louis. Now, without the adrenaline and the Aquireign and everything else posing an immediate threat, all that hurt would come bubbling back up, exposed like a nerve.

There was no doubt in my mind that as much as he had previously hated me, he couldn't fucking stand me now. Not only was I the professor that argued with him at every turn, that did everything in my power to shut him down and shut him out, but I was also the soulmate that abandoned him with nothing more than a brief note and my dog tags. There was no explanation, no nothing. I hated me. Why the fuck wouldn't he?

I up and left him right after we lost our entire family, right after he lost his baby sister. I left with all their blood on my hands, because I didn't want to look him in the eye and tell him that I was the reason why they were all gone. I still couldn't. I couldn't say that I played with him like it was some sick little game by hiding my identity and trying to get him to fuck me when I knew, fucking knew, that he didn't like me.

All along, I'd known better, but I had ignored the tiny, murmuring voice in my head telling me to be honest. And yet, I hadn't. I had kept going, continued toying with him. It had felt so good to have him look at me like I meant something to him, like the past didn't matter and he wanted me regardless.

Despite the pain it caused me, maybe it was better that he knew. Now, he would be able to put a face to the name—or number—when he cursed me. He would know who to visualize late at night, when he was pissed off and just wanted someone to be angry at. I was good at that—at taking the blame. That time, I deserved it too.

I sighed and turned the shower off, stepping out of the tub. It wasn't particularly late, not even half past 20:00, but there I was, showering and craving a cigarette before I passed out to what I could only hope would be a dreamless sleep.

I toweled myself off, ran a brush through my hair, and shrugged on a sweatshirt and boxer-briefs. Before I could stop myself, I also took Louis's dog tags from the tin on my nightstand. A modicum of guilt passed through me as I slipped them over my head. The tags dropped into the sweatshirt. The cold metal caused goosebumps to erupt over my skin.

Pulling my hair back into a loose ponytail, I padded out to the balcony. The sun had almost set. The thick, dark blanket of night almost entirely encompassed the sky. With the way things were going, my options were dwindling. I either had to start searching for the leak as soon as tomorrow morning, using any and all resources I could get my hands on, which could mean ticking off the Covenant reps, or I could throw in the towel. Instead of fighting, I could just say 'fuck it.' It would be a whole hell of a lot easier.

Doing nothing seemed stupid though. I had nothing to lose, so I had everything to give. Maybe the Covenant thought I was a traitor and colluding with the demons, but it didn't really matter as long as future generations continued to grow. One day, they would secure a peaceful, demon-free future for everyone.